Well, its me.. Your good pal and Anarchy writer DiLiTHiUM here.. Some good news.. I am now a part of -AA-!! I guess SOMEONE liked my writing better than my .MODs! Anyhow.. Before I go into this month's instalment on how to wreak havoc at someone else's expense, I'd like to say one thing... FUCK YOU!! There! That made both of us a LOT better now, didn't it? Anyhow.. I am right now taking a break studying for my Chemistry exam.. Hey, one can take only so many moles times the number of electrons, you know! After playing around with Doom I decided to write a little for -AA-, you know.. get a better rep with -AA-'s upper hierchy! So.. Enough shit.. Lets get into it! But first a poem.. I blazed up his pretty garden At school I kicked his ass I torched dogshit on his doorstep I bleached FUCK YOU! in his grass I broke all his windows I Toilet Papered his yard I gave his name to Jehovah's Witnesses I put chickens in his car. I did everything i could to hum What a saucy devil am I! But one thing I can't do Is remember the hell why.. And now.. FUN AT CAMP!! Well, its about 5 months until summertime. What comes with the last day of school? Sadly, the end of intra-school Anarchy. So, put away your exploding pencils and penshooters for a few months and break out those tools of fun that are best used on boring family camping trips! Yes! And you thought that it was all fishing and boating! Well, after you leave your modems and the rest of civilization to embrace nature and all of its natural splendour, pack an extra duffle bag filled with the goodies that will make it the best summer vacation ever! (For you and your buddies, at least..!) PHASE 1 - BE PREPARED The Boy Scouts perfected the art of camping.. And they also coined a pretty legit motto for our purposes. After all, I thought it would tie in the outdoors theme of this text quite well! Anyhow.. Here are the things they you will be needing for a fun and exciting camping trip! Water Pistol - Stronger the better.. But don't fill it with water! Hydrochloric Acid - Raid the school's chem lab before you leave! M-80's - A must for any excursion! Black Powder - Also essential! Chewing gum - Handy for making impromptu explosives, bonding, etc. Darts - Use with M-80's for missiles or for popping rubber rafts! Tabasco sauce - Assorted uses! Octsoplosive - See recipe below Caps - Optional, but useful! Condoms - Not just for fucking! Stink Bombs - Fun for a laugh in the latrine! Spraypaint - Fun! Aerosol can of something - Nature's flamethrower Matches - For above & forest fires Lighter - A must for any trip! Survival Knife - Fun to bring along! String - Useful This is a partial list! Feel free to bring along anything else you wish.. And now.. PHASE 2 - PLANNING FOR THE ATTACK One of the worst thing that can happen to the outdoor Anarchist is being discovered, either your folks or the cops or whatever find your stash of goodies and your vacation is ruined. One needs to plan ahead. For example, divide your stuff into caches and hide around the forest. Such places include: Rock grottos, man-made holes, outhouses, etc. Try not to leave everything in one spot. Also.. Its a good idea to boobytrap the area so no roving trailblazer or one of god's little creatures discovers your stash and walks away with all of the appendages he came up to it with. Be creative! It takes one's personal flair to create the perfect hiding spot. PHASE 3 - TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS Here it is, boys and girls! How to use all of the items that you lugged along with you! Remember, this stuff just CRIES OUT for your personal touches! But first: OCTOSPLOSIVE This handy explosive base is easy to make & process.. NEEDED: Gasoline Varsol Black Powder Ground up aspirin Battery Acid First, combine some Gasoline and varsol. In a separate area grind up the aspirin and combine it with the batter acid and black power. Add the mixture to the Gas/Varsol soup. Viola. Instant base. To make a sort of plastique mix it with vasoline and baby powder. If you leave it as is you can make molitov cocktails, ect. Just shake well to keep it well mixed. The plastique is very useful, but a bugger to handle and set, since the stuff doesn't mix very well. But its fun to play with. ITEM 1 - Instant explosives! These are designed for people who want to make explosives on the spot, and don't have time for buying m-80's. Type 1 - Chewing gum bomb: Chew up a few things of gum until the flavour is gone (No reason for this, it just seems like a shame to waste all that good gum!). Then put some black powder and/or octosplosive in the gum and stick some string in it. Then cover it up, so its like a little deadly perogie with a wick. After you are done stick the sucker anywhere and light the fuse! Type 2 - Flying M-80's! Get a dart and tape a few M-80's onto the fins. Put about 3 on there so its balanced. After all, it SHOULD fly in roughly a straight line! Light the fuses and throw at something that the dart will stick to, such as a tire, a tent, a thigh, etc. POW!! You will be the envy of all muslim extremists that happen to be camping with you at the time! Item 2 - General Mischief This is pretty fun. Outhouses: Most roughed-in ones have big pits where all of the shit sits. Now.. All of that shit might get rather old, you see. And human shit can give off Methane when it rots, you see. Methane is a flammable gas! Just toss down a few M-80's and run like hell! After it goes, POW! Shit & shitter everywhere! Or you could grab your tabasco sauce and dab some on the toilet paper in the kaibo. Soak some through so it gets all in it. Tabasco + Sore asshole from shitting & hemmroids ----> FIRE UP YOUR ASS! Another fun thing to do in the outhouse while YOU are taking a shit (Besides masturbating) is to piss on the paper (After you are done with it, of course!) so the next person gets a nice surprise! Another way to have fun is to place a large, heavy rock on the 2 bars that prevent large stuff such as animals from falling into the shit. Balance it so the next turd that hits it sends it falling into the pool of crap. Splooooosh! You figure the rest out.. Also.. You can shit, piss or ejaculate onto the toilet seat itself, so the next midnight shitter gets a little present when he sits in the seat in complete darkness. Swipe the toilet paper and use it for yourself so the poor rat with your body fluids on his buttocks has to go down to the lake to get the stuff off! Okay, boys n' girls! The piece of resistance! Get your hammer for this one! Go to the outhouse and take apart the box with the toilet seat on it (The one you sit on to shit!). Don't fall in the hole! Now take all of the nails out and put it back together, just enough so it stands on its own. The next person who flops down on it to take a shit will get more than he bargained for when he is head over heels in the swill! Just imagine the screams of terror as your latest victim plummets toward a smelly, sticky, rat-laden fate! HAHAHAHAA!! But remember folks.. This only works on the homemade wooden kaibos, not the plastic rent-a-loos you see in the yellow pages. Speaking of which, some of the more modern blue plastic Johnny-on-the-spot type toilets have running water pump stations and urinals inside them (Even I was duly impressed by the millions of dollars that the teams of scientists put into these things so you can have a better shit than at home. Even so, i'd still rather be taking a dump on my white ceramic Crane at home than slapping my ass onto one of these blue static electricity generators. It took about 10 mins. to get my pubs from sticking straight up. But I digress..) You don't usually see these blue babies at "Ed & Mona's Vista Hideaway", but keep this little gem in your head the next time you go to your little brother's Tee-Ball game. Excuse yourself and lock yourself in. (A little sign that says "Occupied" slides into place up when you lock the door. You can have fun with that if you want, like making your own little sign. But thats something you can do on your own). After you piss or whatever, flush the urinal. You might notice a little plastic pipe carrying the water that cleans the urinal. Remove the flusher knob and pipe from the urinal bowl and place it on the roof. Get a string and attach it to the flush knob so it hangs beside the urinal. Make a sign saying "Pull string to flush" and attach to wall. Then leave. The next person goes in, sees string & sign, and then proceeds to give string a yank. Said person gets water on head. End of story. Next: fun at the beach. This is the best part of any holiday! Just think! The only thing between you and a great time is 2 mm of fabric! The old gags such as cutting bikini straps and copping a quick feel while they are asleep just doesn't cut it anymore. So why don't you leave the poor guys alone (hah! Cheap shot on you!) and concentrate on making the holiday more fun for you, and less for others. The first thing you can do in the water is to whip out willy and piss under someone. They will think they hit a 'warm' spot and stay while your urine surrounds them. After enough of that fun test your dart game at inflatable rafts, water wings, life rings, you name it. Or you can swim under small children and lead them out to deep water by gently nudging their life ring while keeping concealed. Or you can freak out a few people by floating a life raft with a stuffed pair of pants floating beside it. It'll piss of the lifeguards who think its someone who drowned. Or you can swim by the docks and take revenge on that bastard who buzzed you with his 2 million horsepower boat awhile ago. Get your rope and tie one end to the bottom of the dock, sunken boat, old anchor, etc. and attach the other to the engine, hull, you name it. Make sure to conceal the rope so it looks like an innocent string of seaweed. So the next time he blasts out of the slip at high speed to go pussy-poke his girlfriend on the high seas, pow! No more boat! There are more conventional ways to sabotage his nacelle, such as sugar in the gastank or lead weights in his life jackets, but you get the picture. Another fun thing to do is load up your water rifle (Battery Powered Enertech or SuperSoaker 1000+ are the best) with Acid, Tabasco, Urine, etc. The shoot it at people! Climb up a tree and snipe other campers! The acid burns! The Tabasco irritates! The piss smells! Anything would work! The acid would eventually eat the plastic, so don't leave it lying about. Assorted Fun: - Slash tents at night and pour your tabasco onto the faces of sleeping victims! - Snakes in Sleeping bags! - Stinkbombs in tents! - Attract bears & coons by spreading their food all over their campsite! - Put a wasp's nest in their canoe! - Put a hole in their canoe! - Put poison ivy in their sleeping bag! Well, I'm dry. Until next time, Keep F.I.T & have fun..