[ File Taken from Silicon Valley (504)-241-3452 10mBBS 300/1200 ]

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%		    -  How to have fun with MicroWave ovens -		      %
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%     An NDC/Thought Police file written by King Rough and Lord Cartigan      %
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  You've all seen those Microwave ovens sitting in deceptively vulnerable
places, like Student Unions, Lounges, Vending Areas and maybe even that
"friend" who "accidentally" erased your hard drive last week's house...

  Step 1:  Make sure the coast is clear of all un-wanted audience, like
	   rent-a-cops, unsuspected janitorial personell, your parents, FBI
	   agents, and anyone who might possibly want to use the Microwave for
	   constructive (gasp!) purposes..

  Step 2:  Deciding just exactly what you're going to do.  THIS is half the
	   fun..

 - There's usually a good supply of neatly sealed ketchup & mustard packets in
   some unsuspecting box on some vending machine or another.  It's always good
   humor to take the entire* box, dump it on the botton of the Microwave, crank
   it HIGH for the maximum time, and sit a few yards away to watch the
   expression on the next guy's face who tries to use it..

 - Vending machine are used by inherently sloppy people, so theres bound to be
   an abundant supply of left over pop and such slime in the general erea.  You
   collect all of this and dump it into an old, used yogurt cup, and put the
   top on real* tight.	(It helps to have a handy tube of super glue from your
   favorite local hardware store to give a little added sealling effect)  Just
   drop it in the Microwave and crank it on HIGH and stand back..

 - This next technique is devoted to to true property-destroying, anarchistic
   vandal.  Find as much PURE metal (NOT* alluminum, Sometimes is works though)
   as you can, pile it in the microwave, and turn it on HIGH.  If it has a nice
   glass panel on the door, you'll be treated to a spectacular set of
   fireworks, and better yet the microwave will be in the shop for a week to
   ten days!

  Step 3:  Hope that no one decides to come by and does something drastic like
	   threaten to report you to the local athorities.  But!  If they do
	   you'll nedd a quick set of excuses.  Like:

 - "I forgot that blowing up microwaves was illegal."
   "The KGB forced me to!"
   "I'm special agent Smith on Special assignment 'Testing Microwaves'."
   "Fuck you ass-wipe!" (Remember to run like hell after using this one.)
   "Oh shit!  I have to catch my bus... Later!"
   "I wanted some HOT catsup for my hotdog, and we didn't have a microwave at
    my house!"
   "I'm doing a physics project on the effects of Microwaves on <Whatever
    method you used>.."
   "My Mommy said to!"
   "They said they'd beat me up if I didn't!"
   "I'm testing new ways of feeding thousands of Ethiopians."

 - If all else fails, Kick 'em in the balls and run like hell!

  Following these steps to the letter will ensure a fun and exciting weekend
and mabye a few trashed Microwaves.

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