_____________________________________________________ | SOME SHIT YOU MIGHT WANNA DO ON A BORING NIGHT | | BY | | COBALT-60 | | | | WRITTEN ON A BORING 07/15/85 | | AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING | |___________________________________________________| Awright, let's see - I and the Airborne Ranger quite often get very bored. As I am shure is the case as with most of us when our favorite AE's, BBS's, and Catsends are being leeched by the 300 baud plague. So, as I am sitting here hoping my mom (We all have one, somewhere) won't come down and tell me to get the hell to bed, so I don't sleep till 4:00 pm again..O.K., enough of this, let's go with fun things to do: 1] Mr. Pizza man Materials required: (1) slingshot or pellet gun (2) legs (prefferably ones that move forward and backward quickly) (3) Ski masks (Or paper bags w/little holes for the eyes) OK, let's see, in my apartment complex there are many interesting targets- things such as cats, dogs, windows, joggers, cars playing break-dance music (or any car for that matter), and buses. This is what we might do on a some dreamy summer night (Or morning at 2:00): first, if there are'nt any good human targets walking around for you to pick off from the bushes, what we do is call up the good old Domino's pizza, and order a good sized pepperoni, and a couple pepsi's (Ever tasted the new coke yet?? don't!). We hide a couple blocks from where we told them to deliver it to, and wait beside the road. As Airborne looks down the road for the little shitter, I have a road flare handy. As the little butwipe cruises down the road, I light the flare, and toss it into the road, and make shure my gun is pumped up. He stops at the flare. Then we jump out with the guns, and Airborne starts yelling at him in russian, pointing the gun at him, and moving the barrell in such a way as to suggest for him to get the hell out. I reach inside, grab the pizza box, and the cooler with the PEPSI'S (If he's got cokes in it, then Airborne starts yelling in russian, and throws them everywhere) . Then, we both vamoose, not forgetting maybe to get maybe a couple bucks off of him, and to shoot his car, or him in the leg or something. Then use dem legs to run to your house, and eat the pizza, and read the next idea for fun. 2] What's that in the road, george? We did this the other night, and it was surprisingly fun. First, we went to the 7-11 store, and got a bunch of bottles from near the dumpster. Then we went to the garbage room of a nearby condominium, and got two plastic bags full of catshit and stuff (I don't know, I would'nt open it), and went to a stretch of road (Two lane) that was'nt very busy, and had trees, or bushes as cover. First, I went out to the road, and put a bag in each lane, While Airborne put all of the bottles about 20 feet ahead of the bags. Usually, the guy'll never see the bottles, but this one was SMART. He slammed on the brakes, looked around, got out, and threw all the bottles to the side of the road, got back in his car, and slammd on the gas, content that he had outsmarted some teenager. then, just as he got some speed, he hit the bags! the catshit and litter flew for 10 feet behind him, he slid, did a 360, and stopped for about 5 minutes (We thought he had died of a heart attack), and moved on again with a half destroyed bag of litter on his hood, and shit everywhere. This time, though, very slowly. 3] the overlook materials required: (1) good throwing arm (2) eyes okay, we have a big cliff overlooking a two lane road near my home, and it's about 100 feet from the road (Downhill), and there's shitloads of dirt clods laying around. It's pretty damn fun to lob these at passing motorists. You can throw anything you want at em, shoot em, or whatever. (we prefer rockets from a shoulder launcher - if you wanna learn how to make really hot rockets and launchers, keep your eyes open on all fine participating AE's). 4] kill winos materials required: (1) a bottle of Zippo lighter fluid (or any inferior brand) (2) matches There is a big mall in my town (Santa cruz, ca) that all of the trolls and winos sleep on at night, and it's great fun to do come up to em quietly, spray a little fluid on em, and say really psychoitically "Wino-Wino-Oh WIno, Wake up, wino, getting a little warm, wino?? A little warm???" If you want to, you can throw the match on them, and watch them run around like richard pryor (This is too cruel for me, I am just quoting this from my stepbrother a long time ago). You oughta keep winos around, as they'll buy you anything for a little bit of money (Hell, I got porno movies, guns, and beer that way) so support your down and outers!! (This of course does- nt apply when the little scumball runs off with your money!). I'm sick of this, so I'll just conclude with a list of shit to do: waterbalooning, jumping around on cars and roofs, pissing in convertibles, egging houses, toilet papering houses (or both), shooting dogs that bark all the time, shooting out windows, or throwing bricks through them, asking girls how much they are for a half hour, getting a mouth full of ketchup & corn, and walking into 7-11 or any allnight store, and "puking" on the floor, and walk out again, flattening cars tires, putting a sheet on a fishing line, and tie it to a pole, running it accross a street, hold the other ends in the bushes, and pull it up when a car comes by, the old flaming shit in a bag trick, mugging break dancers and punks for money, going through garbage bins for credit card slips, shooting joggers, calling a cop, and tell him there's something going on at a house that he would have to walk a while to get to, and while he's walking toward the house, sneak up and steal everything out of his car you can (shotguns, handcuffs, radios, etc, and paint "Die Honkey" on the hood, and run, make a big sign with the print shop that says "gay nazi meeting here" and put it on your "friends" house, have a good old cross burning in front of a blacck person's house, caling a porno place in new york, recording it, and going around with it going full blast from a ghetto blaster in a rich neighberhood (at night for all of this, of course). Well, I really oughta get some sleep, so have fun with this, and remember that Willy peter will make you a believer. ______ / \ | | O B A L T - 6 0 | \______/ CALL METALLAND I: 503-538-0761 LOOK FOR THE SOUTHERN CROSS 10 MEG 1200B ONLY AE/BBS SOON!!!! Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open