------------------------------------ * REAL R0DENT'S GUIDE * * Compiled By Shooting Shark * ------------------------------------- What if you don't want to be a pirate? If you are content with being a rodent, hen it is still essential that you do your best...here are some examples of typical rodentesque beaa^)[p> Real Rodents still $oX't com- pletely understand {h`pe tables. Real Rode~tHthink "Whiz Kids" was a realistic show. Real Rodents call OSUNY, read all the messages, and then post messages stating that they'd like to trade Commodore software. Real Rodents are taking Logo at school. Real Rodents aren't allowed on most Elite Boards, so they leave messages on the scam/anonymous boards asking people to "post some codez." Real Rodents don't understand the concept of the "*" command, so they select each board systematically until they come to the board they want. Real Rodents use firmware routines Real Rodents call Catsend lines with AE. Real Rodents don't have their own phone line. Real Rodents call "Forthnet-80" because it's the only board that's hardly ever busy. Real Rodents have never heard of Steve Wozniak or Captain Crunch. Real Rodents have their dads buy their disks for them. Real Rodents can't use their word processors for actual schoolwork, because they only have 40 columns and upper case. Real Rodents don't even own prin- ters, for that matter. Real Rodents hit "C" immediately after they get onto a board. Real Rodents can't type over 20 wpm. Real Rodents post passwords to computer systems/Sprint codes that they got off of 3-month old messages without testing them out first to see if they still work. Real Rodents will offer you money for the local Telenet number. Real Rodents can't quite grasp the concept of file capture or even printer echo, so they scribble stuff down on paper. Real Rodents bug hackers they know personally for codes, even when the mothers of the rodents in question won't let them have modems. Real Rodents tell everyone they know at school that they have the 800 number for Citibank Home Banking. Real Rodents can't understand why the Metro codes they begged off of people won't work on their rotary phone. Real Rodents just can't get Catsend to work. Real Rodents think Coke is only a drink, and it's their favorite. When Real Rodents see "WOPR" under a person's name, they think it's the computer in Wargames. When asked for a password, Real Rodents use "JOSHUA" or "PENCIL" or "APPLE". Real Rodents watch a lot of TV. Their favorite shows are "Facts of Life", "Simon and Simon", "Silver Spoons", "Fall Guy", and "T.J Hooker". Real Rodents are always home on Friday nights, but they don't watch "Miami Vice". Likewise, Real Rodents are home every Saturday night, but have to go to bed before "Saturday Night Live" is on. Real Rodents play Taxman. Real Rodents can't stand Infocom games. They prefer those "neat" Sierra On-Line hi-res adventures. Since Real Rodents usually feel left out on most boards, they post obscene messages on the war board insulting everybody, just so someone will leave them a message. Real Rodents post "I have C64 warez to trade" messages on the Story and X-rated boards. When Real Rodents get into sysop chat mode, they are so excited that they make a typo every other word. So, they backspace and correct each word, as if the sysop is so stupid that he can't understand words when they are misspelled. The sysop gets tired of waiting 5 minutes for each response and hangs up on the rodent. The first message a Real Rodent posts on a board is one that tells everything about himself ("I like beer, cars and girls. Did I mention girls? My real name is..."). Most of this is bull. The message is terminated with a plea to "leave me email!!!!" Real Rodents haven't gone through puberty yet. Real Rodents don't understand the term, "go into the monitor". Real Rodents use Byte Zap or DF 3.3 to put their names on other people's cracks. Real Rodents try to write adventures in Applesoft. Real Rodents just don't know when to shut up. That's it...I hoped you enjoyed the file. If you keep these generalities in mind, in no time you will be able to call yourself and others a REAL R0DENT! Copyright 1985 Shooting Shark