THE THREE STOOGES

 Understand something: We're going to keep this serious. No eye-poking. No
face-slapping. You people telling the "nsyuk-nyuk" jokes can just
 do the Curly
Shuffle right out of here. The Three Stooges were, and continue to be, funny.
Anyone who attempts to do their material pales in comparison to the originals.
That's why it's amazing that Cinemaware's computerized recreation of this
beloved trio actually reflects the humor, charm, and personalities of the late,
great Moe, Larry, and Curly. Graphically and aurally, this program is oozing
with authentic Stooge shticks, trivia, and mayhem. However, as a game with
lasting entertainment value, it falls somewhat short. (This review is based on
the Amiga version; Commodore 64/128 and IBM-PC version notes follow.)

 The program is laid out much like a MONOPOLY board. After an incredibly strange
and funny opening sequence (the origin of which has been the subject of much
rumor and gossip), we discover that the Stooges are trying to raise $5,000 in
order to save "Ma's Orphanage" from foreclosure by an evil banker. There is a
30-day time limit; extra money will pay for repairs to the place and, possibly,
a wedding for the Stooges with Ma's three desirable daughters.

 Most of this story is depicted using comic book type word-balloons displayed
over cherubic animated figures. Often, however, the actual digitized voices of
the Stooges are used. As the game progresses, graphically-enhanced Stooge photos
occasionally appear, as well. All of this is set, of course, to "Three Blind
Mice" and other well-known Stooge scores.

 Moe, Larry, and Curly move along a street that contains 180 blocks. Most blocks
offer a money-making opportunity, although a run-in with the evil banker can
cause just the opposite. The boys may find abandoned cash, or one of four job
offers based on popular episodes, such as "Hoi Polloi" and "Punch Drunks." As a
boxer, Curly can win a cash prize by defeating the champ, and it's up to Larry
to fetch his violin at the pawn shop down the street. (The connection here is
well known to Stoogephiles.) The object is to guide Larry down an
obstacle-cluttered alley in a limited amount of time.

 Another sequence requires the boys to toss pies across a restaurant room at
some hoity-toity diners. Object: Serve the guests, Stooge-style, while ducki in
time to avoid similar service in return. There are other arcade sequences, all
of which exhibit amazing perfection in presentation. One of these, "Crackers,"
is made up entirely of still photos (not cartoons) of Curly, and works out very
nicely.

 Stooge trivia is also a feature of the program. The Stooges can win money by
correctly answering some rather obscure questions about themselves. Do you know
which Stooge began his career as a Shakespearean actor? Or answer "A," "B," or
"C" to the appropriate tune of "Swingin' the Alphabet."

 Rather than rolling dice to move from block to block, Moe's hand appears above
a six-block segment of the city map and randomly chooses a square. Early in the
game, his hand moves slowly, and it is possible to stop the hand at a desired
square by hitting the joystick button. Unless the hand is slowed by a special
sequence, it will soon be moving so fast as to make specific block selection
impossible. This special sequence involves slowing down Moe's hand by slapping,
poking, and generally abusing Larry and Curly. Using the joystick, Moe must be
made to perform these actions, as well as fake them, while his partners duck,
tease, or counter-attack their leader. The more successful Moe is, the slower
his hand will move during the next block selection.

 One dismal feature of the game is that the map also contains a large number of
mouse traps. If Moe's hand lands on one of these while selecting a block, he
loses a finger. Yes, a finger! When Moe runs out of fingers on his map hand, the
game is over. The traps are too numerous to avoid, and they will usually cause
the game to end much sooner than the 30-day time limit.

 There are several factors which, unfortunately, prevent THE THREE STOOGES from
being as good a game as it is a cartoon. First, each playing sequence is
preceded by an introductory anecdote. These introductions are entertaining the
first time through, but they're repeated each time the same playing sequence is
selected. This slows things down tremendously, particularly if the computer on
which you're playing lacks either a hard drive, or the large RAM necessary
(1.5MB on the Amiga) to avoid at least some of the lengthy disk-accessing. There
really should have been more thought devoted to solving this problem,
considering how memory-hungry this type of program is.

 My major complaint is that the arcade sequences, though initially stunning, are
not very imaginative. Beneath the surface, these games are really based on old
premises. Larry's run down the alley in the boxing sequence is very similar to
DONKEY KONG and its zillions of imitations. Similarly, the Stooges' run through
a hospital, gathering fallen instruments, is recognizable as a form of BREAKOUT.
For this reason, THE THREE STOOGES may be more rewarding to watch than play.

 THE THREE STOOGES is supplied on two disks for the Amiga, and can be placed on
a hard drive. Without the latter, two drives are strongly recommended, as is
more than 1.5MB of RAM. 512K is the minimum needed, and a joystick is also
required. The documentation includes a partial map of the "game board," and a
brief, but well-written and informative history of the Stooges.

 There is little doubt in my mind that THE THREE STOOGES deserves top honors for
its sound and graphics, which depict Moe, Larry, and Curly with genuine
affection and remarkable realism. Unfortunately, it is a slow-moving game that
features quick, simple arcade sequences and very nasty mouse traps.

 COMMODORE 64/128 VERSION NOTES

 With great reluctance, I have to report that the C64/128 version of THE THREE
STOOGES suffers from the same problems noted by Allen Greenberg in the main
Amiga review: STOOGES is less of a game and more of a cartoon, a condition that
can be -- and perhaps should be -- inferred from Cinemaware, the name of its
developer.

 Thanks to V-MAX (a speed-demon of a fastloader), disk access on the Commodore
is no worse than usual, especially when you consider the voices, photo-like
still graphics, and the animated sequences. The arcade games are controlled with
a joystick; other than the difficulties inherent in a particular arcade
sequence, STOOGES is easy to learn and play.

 While the digitized voices, black and white photos, and familiar tunes of the
Stooges will bring smiles of pleasure to believers and agnostics alike, the
arcade sequences offer nothing we haven't seen before. Neither Stooge
involvement nor great graphics can make them fresh.

 Once the cinematic wonders of THE THREE STOOGES wear off, the entire package
will become a curio.

 IBM-PC VERSION NOTES

 THE THREE STOOGES was Cinemaware's first attempt at EGA graphics for MS-DOS
systems. This is fortunate, as THE THREE STOOGES derives so much of its charm
from its graphics. On the other hand, Cinemaware's early efforts were not
totally compatible with EGA equipment. My first attempt at playing this game was
thwarted because the program was incompatible with an Everex EGA. Therefore, the
program reverted to CGA, and nowhere have CGA graphics been more of a
disappointment. However, the program seems to recognize an Orchid VGA, and the
result is breathtaking. In 16 colors, THE THREE STOOGES is an incredible visual
delight. Combined with the vintage music (dull in its one-channel version,
though) and actual digitized speech, the game does justice to its namesakes.

 The IBM version requires 256K for IBM-PCs, XTs, ATs, and true compatibles; 384K
is required for 16-color Tandy computers. A joystick is recommended, and having
played it both ways, I can assure you that a joystick is definitely the control
mechanism of choice here. Both disk formats are included in the box. Utilizing a
key-disk protection scheme, THE THREE STOOGES is installable on a hard drive or
on working disks. Some of the disk accesses were quite slow at 4.77 and 8 MHz,
but improved dramatically at higher speeds.

 Because of the limited palette even in EGA, and because Cinemaware decided not
to take advantage of full EGA -- or even full CGA -- resolution, the graphics
are less attractive than on the Amiga. This makes little sense, since at
640x350, the IBM should come extremely close to the Amiga in graphic resolution.
The photographic screens are coarser, and the colors are more cartoonish than
Amiga's; the digitized portions of the soundtrack are also more crude, buzzing
through in a haze of static. But they're still recognizable as the voices of
Larry, Curly, and Moe, and that's more than MS-DOS owners can usually expect.

 As Mr. Greenberg points out, the arcade aspects of the game are tiresome after
a while, and some are extremely difficult. Through a combination of
perseverance, practice, and a little trickery, I was able to complete the game
with over $15,000, which is enough not only to rescue the orphanage and fix it
up, but to marry the three beautiful daughters, as well. This results in a
couple of extra screens, the final one of which is an especially nice reward.
However, I'd love to see somebody reach that goal without resorting to a little
cheating.

 Overall, I recommend THE THREE STOOGES despite its middling play value. This
has something to do with my affection for the Stooges, and my love of good
graphics. It's delightful to be able to play this game just once in a while, to
see the Stooges shuffling down the sidewalk looking for jobs, trying to help the
good guys, and making a big, jolly mess as they do.

 THE THREE STOOGES is published and distributed by Cinemaware Corp.

*****DOWNLOADED FROM P-80 SYSTEMS (304) 744-2253