======================= =TOP 40 PARTY COLLEGES= ======================= a ranking by those who know best-the students themselves- of the nation's most dedicated good-time campuses compiled by Wayne Duvall [Playboy Jan. `87, pgs. 173-177] typed in by Jason Scott 12/3/86-12/5/86 Yes, it's cleanup time. Drinking-age limits have been raised, AIDS is scaring the bejesus out of casual sex and recreational is, thankfully, being cracked down on. All to the good, we say. But, we wondered, how are college students reacting? Are campuses really turning into monastaries? Or is there a parallel universe out there where kids are doing what kids have always done? We decided to poll the undergraduates themselves. Not the freshmen who've already decided which investment bank they're going to interview for-this was SOCIAL research, folks. Over a six-month period, we interviewed campus club leaders, dorm rush chairmen, fraternity presidents and other campus social lights at more then 250 colleges nationwide and asked them if the partying was really over. The answer, from California to Rhode Island, was "Hell, no!" We were innundated with candidates for leading party schools and then compiled this list of the top contenders. So here, as a reminder that life goes on even in solemn times, is the definitive ranking of fun schools as selected by the students. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, Chico: Normal people have moved out of the area because of the partying. "It's so hot here that it'll make your skin bubble." 2. UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI, Coral Gables: Campus location a plus; students have access to (and can afford) most party refreshments. "We have sex in hot tubs. Preferably in groups." 3. SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY, San Diego: The most beautiful women in Californiaand the place that made the beach part legendary. "School is a nice thing to do between parties." 4. UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT, Burlington: Students drive Saabs with ski racks; the school boasts the most beautiful women in the east. "We'll make any excuse for a party." 5. SLIPPERY ROCK UNIVERSITY, Pennsylvania: Move over, Penn State; this little school has an Infamous party rep. "People here like to get naked and run around." 6. UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT, Storrs: New Englands's most uncontrollable partiers. 7. WEST VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY, Morgantown: Once dubbed a "quintessential party school" in Lisa Birnbach's book; students claim, "Anything goes here. People think we're drunken hill-billies. They're probably right." 8. PLYMOUTH STATE COLLEGE, Plymouth, New Hampshire: Chock-full of phys-ed majors and future nail pounders. "Instead of doing something constructive, we party." 9. MERCER UNIVERSITY, Macon, Georgia: Small, private Southern Baptist school with a genteel party rep. "We get`em from all over-Sunny Florida, Lusty Georgia, You name it." 10. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA, Charlottesville: Home of the Tilkas-the exclusive and honorable society (circa 1800s) made up of the best drinkers on campus. "If you come here, you're expected to party." 11. STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK, Cortland: A haven for partying jocks and God`s-gift-to-the-world-body-builders. "We're so hot, you have to take your shirt off. And most girls do." 12. COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY, Fort Collins: Agricultural majors put in more time on the ski slopes than in the field. Students from other campuses trek here to party. "We've got women coming out of the woodwork." 13. ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY, Tempe: A consistent winner in party-school polls. Students' goal: to be thin, tan, and popular. "Most of the guys here are in pernament heat." 14. UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA, Las vegas: The 24-hour party school in the 24-hour town. "Most of the women here don't wear bras and like good times." 15. BOSTON UNIVERSITY, Boston: Birnbach rated this one as the most promiscuous school. The Word from a Harvard student: "BU? Yeah, they're into wild parties and rampant sex." 16. CENTRAL MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY, Mount Pleasant: To calm this crew down, the once had to hire a crew of extra cops. It didn't help. They're proud that their parties "usually make page one." 17. SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY, Carbondale: All other Illinois schools bow to this one; most college handbooks pick it as well. Why? "We'd put our sexual temperature at 105 degrees." 18. BALL STATE UNIVERSITY, Muncie, Indiana: It may be small, but it boasts a girl-to-guy ratio that men love. Students also have party-till-you-can't see bashes. "If you need a place to fall into the gutter, this is it." 19. OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY, Stillwater: Despite its location, the waters aren't still on this Okie campus. "Good ol' boys doin' the two-step and "partyin'" 20. CENTRAL CONNECTICUT STATE UNIVERSITY, New Britan: Coeducation here means that hitting the books coexists with hitting the party circuit."We like to call ourselves the round-the-clock party connection." 21. UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND, College Park: This school IS the town, and this town rocks. "We don't know where we're goin' after we graduate, 'cause we don't know when we're graduatin'." 22. UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI, University: Rich kids who have mint-julep-on-the-veranda parties. "They call us the country club of the South." 23. WEST GEORGIA COLLEGE, Carrollton: Students' long term goal:" To get the minimumm grade-point average so Mom and Dad will let us stay in school." Short-term goal: "To scrape together enough money to buy a case." 24. UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS at Austin: You gotta shell out the bucks, but the parties are "lavish and wild." Rumor has it there's not a single unattractive girl on campus. 25. MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, Cambridge: The big suprise is that these mild-mannered nerds by day are explosive, high-tech partiers by night. "We're frenzied and sweating and absoulutely insane." 26. UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS, Lawrence: Sometimes called Snob Hill, this campus is loaded with "Frisbee throwers with that pseudo-California look who go all out during Waste Yourself Week at the beginning of school." 27. KANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY, Manhattan: The agricultural party school that projects a good ol' hell-raising party image. "We're wild Western-Campus kids in a half-inch of cowshit." 28. GLASSBORO STATE COLLEGE, Glassboro, New Jersey: Small, suburban but jumping. "We're animalistic. It's the law of the jungle here." 29. UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA, Gainesville: It's annual football game with Georgia has been dubbed the wold's largest cocktail party. "Face it, the closer you are to the equator, the crazier you get." 30. EASTERN KENTUCKY UNIVERSITY, Richmond: The surrounding town is usually kept awake by the students' explosive bashes. "Hell, we're a bitch in heat." 31. UNIVERSITY OF IOWA, Iowa City: Forget the farm-boy image: "We're the rockin'est, most decadent party fools in the Midwest. We're radioactive and burnin' down our core every day." 32. UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA, Norman: National center for future oil tycoons who party in jet-set fashion. Their rationaile: "We're not concerned with the rest of our lives, so we may as well fuck up now." 33. BROWN UNIVERSITY, Providence, Rhode Island: Students have PREparties to gear up for the actual bashes. "We may be Ivy leauge, but we dance constantly." 34. OHIO UNIVERSITY, Athens: Famous for its Halloween blowout, the school has a trick-or-treat image: The frats do the tricking and everyone does the treating. "We have uncontained eruptions." 35. UNIVERSITY OF MASSACHUSETTS at Amherst: There are so many parties at "Zoo Mass", students say can imbibe for free from Friday to Sunday. "We're out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do but party." 36. UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA, Athens: These farm boys supposedly come from "partying families" who've passed the tradition on to the kids. "No matter what you're looking for, it's here if you want it." 37. LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY, Baton Rouge: Known for "don't-give-a-shit additudes," LSU extends a special invitation: "Just bring a bathing suit and Baby Oil." 38. UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI/Rolla: Known for it's Saint Patty's Day explosion, which is more than your average brawl. " We HAVE to party. The women are prick teasers who take engineering courses and cuss with the guys." 39. REED COLLEGE, Portland, Oregon: The suprise part school of the usually quiet great Northwest. "There's high sexual energy here. You can even get sensuously involved with your studies." 40. FAIRHAVEN COLLEGE, Bellingham, Washington: A return to the psychedelic Sixties: "We're into sharing lovers here- in different combinations." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ HONOURABLE MENTIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ AUBURN UNIVERSITY, Alabama CLEMSON UNIVERSITY, South Carolina COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, New York DARTMOUTH COLLEGE, New Hampshire GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, Washington, D.C. IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY, Ames KENT STATE UNIVERSITY, Ohio MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY, E.Lansing PENSYLVANNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, U. Park PERDUE UNIVERSITY, Indiana RUTGERS UNIVERSITY, New Jersey TRINITY COLLEGE, Connecticut UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA, Tuscaloosa UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO AT BOULDER UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND, Kingston UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE AT KNOXVILLE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CAMPUS NICKNAMES publicly given or self-imposed ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Many of our campuses are called (or call themselves) the Zoo. Some other interesting monikers: BOSTON UNIVERSITY: B. Screw U. CENTRAL CONNECTICUT STATE: The Bitchin', Dukin' Blue Devils. COLORADO STATE: The Ram Slammers. OHIO UNIVERSITY: The Bong Cats. UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA: Sodom of the South. UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND: U.R. High. UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT: Groovy UV. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA: The Wahoo crush. Colleges that don't need nicknames: 1. BALL STATE 2. SLIPPERY ROCK ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BEST STUDENT BODY DESCRIPTIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ We asked for thumbnail sketches of campus populations. Here are some we liked. Guys: UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE's "C&W rednecks in cowboy hats with chaws in their mouths." COLORADO STATE's "Crewcut Bermuda-shorts Yuppies who aspire to be cartoonists." SAN DIEGO STATE's "Surfers trying desprately to become corporate executives." UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO's "Young Iacocca types with no facial hair and a dresser drawer of argyle socks." Girls: COLORADO STATE's "Tall, tan, blonde and bubbly future housewives in shorts." REED COLLEGE's "Radical-Feminist hippies, rugby women and mother goddesses." UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA's "Cross between the corporate whiz and Joni Mitchell gone surf." UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA's "Shorts, converse high-tops and a T-shirt wrinkled from last night's sleep-over." UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI's "Genuine Hard-bodies." WAKE FOREST's "Good-looking Southern Belles who are naughty on the side." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ COOLEST TEACHER AND COURSE Who says school can't be fun? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ FAVORITE PARTY TEACHERS: * The econ prof in the South who reguarly cuts his own class to play golf. * The business-law prof in the Southwest who supposedly teaches frats how to "get around the law..." * The knockout at a New England college who teaches marriage and sexuality and lectures on "the best way to give a blow job." * The Glass-blowing instructor at a Kansas university (Twelve students actually MAJOR in this.) * The teacher in a Rhode Island campus who - clad in leather - rides a Harley-Davidson chopper into the classroom. On Halloween, grad assistants carry him to class in a coffin. FAVORITE PARTY COURSES: * The one-time course offering at a Southwestern school dubbed How To Get Maximum Pleasure From Your Sex Life. * At a Midwestern college Poli Sci Pop Culture - "We listen to Jim Morrison music." * The touchy-feely psych course at an eastern college in which you "daydream, hum, and meditate"; and the soc class in which you buy your grades with play money. * At IOWA STATE, Courtship and Marriage, affectionately known as Woo and Screw. * The MIT course actually titled Creative Seeing. * The Midwestern college oceanography course, "that's had the same test for ten years." * A PURDUE sex-ed class that shows porno movies. * The course at the University of Vermont listed as World Food and Population; students call it Pop & Crops. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BEST PARTY CAMPUS TRADITIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DARTMOUTH COLLEGE: Humming Competitions. GLASSBORO STATE: Taping kitchen utensils to athletes' bodies. (Why? "Oh, it's just something to do.") MICHIGAN STATE: The Ugliest Male Contest - A charitable fund-rasing event. MIT: These techies like to drop rubber balls and pumpkins from the roofs of tall buildings - just like Galileo and Letterman. PLYMOUTH STATE: Medieval Forum Festival- "People spend a weekend running around in tin cans and tights. They look uglier than a can of smashed frogs." PURDUE: The Nude Olympics - 200 students of both sexes run bare-assed through the snow; girls stand near ice patches "to help pick up those who slip." UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT: Cow Tipping - freshmen kneel next to a cow while cronies tip it over. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BEST VIRGIN LEGENDS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BROWN: If students visit all six campus libraries during their first year, they'll remain virgins for life. IOWA STATE: In order to be a full-fledged coed, a girl has to be kissed at the campanile bell tower at the storke of midnight. If she's a virgin, the bricks will crumble. NOTE: The tower's still standing. UNIVERSITY OF IOWA: At a bar called The Field House, any visiting virgin will supposedly leave happier and wiser. UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND: If a virgin graduates, the metal statue of the Maryland Terrapin will spring to life and fly around the mall until gunned down by the R.O.T.C. UNIVERSITY OF MASACHUSETTS: The statue of the Indian Metawampe will drop it's spear if a Virgin graduates. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MOST NOTORIOUS MAKE-OUT SPOTS "The national trend has moved away from casual sex- no more screwing in the periodicals section of the library." - UNIVERSITY OF NEVADA STUDENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The hayloft in the barn is old hat to the Eighties college student. In fact, unless there's an element of danger involved in a make-out spot, it's downright boring. Ask the gangs at Reed and Trinity. They've found some creative uses for the chapel. Some other popular places: BROWN: The 13th floor of the Science library; the "piano lounge" in the grad center. CALIFORNIA STATE: Bidwell Park's lava pits (a.k.a. Bear Hole and Salmon Hole.) "A lot of eruptions happen there." GEORGETOWN: Atop Yates Field House, whith it's "lovely skyline view." LOUISIANA STATE: The 14th and 17th holes of the golf course. SAN DIEGO STATE: Atop the 140-foot Hardy Bell Tower. UNIVERSITY OF IOWA: Burge Hall, "the Party Education Center." UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI: The ten-meter boards at the pool. UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI: The Wooded area surrounding William Faulkner's home. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA: The steps of the Rotunda- Tom Jefferson's old haunt. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BLOWOUT PARTY OF THE YEAR ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Saint Patty's Day, natually, is a runaway choice for big bashes - such as the one at the University of Missouri/Rolla with the famed eight-man, quarter-keg Hop, Skip, and Puke competition. We found some holidays we never knew existed. CALIFORNIA STATE: Pioneer days - "Nine days of celebrating, vandilism, and world-class rowdiness." EASTERN KENTUCKY: The Annual Rugby-team party, traditionally held at a scuzzy bar, during which participants have been known to slide naked across the wooden floor. MERCER COLLEGE: Quadaffi Sucks Parties. MIT: Steer Roasts run by the "smut and lust committees" - they show MARY POPPINS and porno films simultaneously. UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI: The Aphrodisiac Jam - Boxer shorts and teddies required. UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA: Kill-A-Keg Parties: "A guy once mixed alcohol and Dye, then dropped in a goldfish. Whoa. Talk about Technicolor blow-chow." UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT: Hawaiian Party at Sigma Nu- they had an ice fountain with punch running through it and a "Lei Hut" in the middle of the floor. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE GREEKS You may have thought Hollywood screenwriters make up all that stuff you see in campus-fraternity movies. Not so, according to our correspondents out there in the field...... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ STUPID FRAT TRICKS ARIZONA STATE: We've heard variations on this, but the Fijis claim they once sent their favorite sorority a box of doughnuts. The Next day, when they were sure the doughnuts had been eaten, the frat sent the girls a photograph of themselves WEARING the very same doughnuts. COLUMBIA: Frat brothers like to drop ping-pong balls on the floor and pick them up with their butt cheeks. KANSAS STATE: If you strike out at a Beta Theta Pi party, you'll wake up with a mannequin in your bed. KENT STATE: One frat brother lies face down on the floor, playing surfboard, while another stands on his back. the rest whistle the theme from Hawaii Five-O. SLIPPERY ROCK: Members of onefrat supposedly like to strip and tie one another to trees. When girls come by, "they can touch us if they want." UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI: Wearing G strings and selling bannana rasin bread in the rain; demanding that pladges get body parts autographed. TOP MENS'S ANIMAL HOUSE, NATIONWIDE: S.A.E, by a head over Fiji. TOP WOMEN'S ANIMAL HOUSE, NATIONWIDE: The Chi Omega girls'. More than once, we've heard the little ditty "Chi O, Chi O/ It's off tho bed we go....." ANIMAL HOUSE CONTENDERS: STATE UNIVERSITY COLLEGE, CORTLAND: The Beta Boys call their house The Tit Pit. CENTRAL MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY: The south main street frats whose patying, TWICE in 1986, caused the county prosecutor to issue restraining orders- sort of a martial law. GLASSBORO STATE: The Zeta Beta Tau boys who like to trash their living quarters and were evicted four times in three years. OHIO UNIVERSITY: S.A.E. frat members have thrown refrigerators and stereos off their balcony ("The guy was pissed his tape had ended"), torn apart a log cabin for kindling and given a 21-moon salute to the housemother next door. WEST GEORGIA COLLEGE: The Chi Phi Boys are known for a party punch that is "Strong enough to remove the paint from the broomstick they use to stir it." THE ANIMAL HOUSE MEMORIAL AWARD: To the University of Florida and Penn State frats for actually HAVING toga parties. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MOST HISTORIC STUNT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CLEMSON: Students once tarred and feathered a guy for getting engaged. FAIRHAVEN COLLEGE: Students once secretly spiked brownies at a faculty party. A faculty member alledgedly got wasted. MERCER UNIVERSITY: Kappa Alpha stuffed cue balls in a cannon and shot them out of the administration building's windows. MIT: Ingenious techies hoisted a cow onto a nearby gas-storage tanks. The Nation-Guard was called out to take it down. PLYMOUTH STATE: A "moose-type football guy" put a pan on his head and dove through a window. ("People just stood there and watched. Nobody knew why he did it, but who's gonna argue with him, right?") SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY: Springfest '86 - couple was visible next to the stage, happily humping to the beat of the band. UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT: They still talk about 1975 when some men's dorms went coed and they threw an End of The Urnial party, at which the guys removed all of the urnials from the dorms. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PARTY CAMPUS FASHION ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ We asked the students what kinds of fasion trends were being set on today's party campuses. The beach look (complete with JAMS and Wayfarer sunglasses) was quite popular, but we thought THESE deserved mention. THE LET'S GET PRACTICAL FASHION AWARD: To Georgetown for its Beer Goggles. THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME AWARD: To southern Illinois and Ohio universities - both had guys who dressed up as penises and recuited a bunch of costumed sperm to run in front of them. THE FASHION SUPRISE OF THE YEAR AWARD: The return of tie-dye. THE FASHION NOSTALGIA AWARD: San Diego State actually brought back the freshman beanie. FASHION QUOTES OF THE YEAR: From a guy at the university of Tennesse - "Our one rule is no socks! If you wear socks, you are just low." and from a Missouri trend-setter - "No one dresses up here. Not unless they have a job interview or something." The fashion word from Clemson - "You know a girl's a freshman when she carries a pocketbook." THE NOT TOO SUBTLE FASHION AWARD: To the Rutgers fraternity boys who wear cone hats that say ORAL SEX. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ REPRESENTATIVE SCHOOL SONG ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ We thought we'd give students a chance to pick songs or lyrics that best represented them, and we're sorry we did. CENTRAL MICHIGAN: "Save my life-I'm going down for the last time." (Head East) COLORADO STATE: I drink alone (George Thorogood) KANSAS STATE: Back in the saddle (Aerosmith) PLYMOUTH STATE: Jailbreak (Thin Lizzy) REED COLLEGE: The Sun is a mass of incadescent gas (Children's song) SAN DIEGO STATE: Sit on my face (and tell me you love me) (Monty Python) SOUTHERN ILLINOIS: No way out (Jefferson starship) ALL OTHER SCHOOLS: Why don't we get drunk and screw (Jimmy buffet) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MOST MEMORABLE S C A N D A L ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ BROWN: Could have happened anywhere, but it happened here: The Student Prostitution Ring. REED COLLEGE: A protest against visiting Bible thumper in which students climbed into trees "flaunting our nudity." UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT: That off-campus party that featured a woman called Hoover - nicknamed for the vacuum cleaner, not the president. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MISCELLANEOUS NOTABLES ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE HONOUR ROLL AWARD (FOR THE MOST INTERESTING CLASS EXCHANGE): We know we've heard it before, but we like it. To the teacher of the West Virginia human-sexuality class who said that sperm was mostly glucose and the girl who raised her hand and asked "So how come it tastes so salty?" THE SIS-BOOM-BAH AWARD: To sports fans at Kansas state and MIT. Kansas boys throw plucked chickens onto the gym floor during basketball games and conduct after-game car-ramming riots in the parking lot. As for MIT, the engineers apparently know how to rig huge balloons that self inflate in the middle of a game and also how to mix chemicals that weld the gates to Harvard Yard. THE RECORDKEEPERS' AWARD: 1. To the sororities of LSU who outdid the fraternities in a 1986 beer drink-off consuming 150 more cases than the brothers. The Kappa Kappa Gamma ladies got best of show. 2. To San Diego State for "one of the lowest grade-point avaerages in the CSU system." 3. To the frat boys at the University of Nevada who keep tabs on their "brother-getting laid ratio." THE FAVORITE PARTY GAME AWARD: To Trinity College for Drink One/Wear One. BEST SCHOOL MOTTO AWARD: Clemson's rise and shine (and party) maxim: "Wake and Bake." THE "NICE TRY" AWARD: To University of West Virginia and Mercer College for sending us letters and petitions urging us NOT to include them here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Note from Jason Scott: Now, this was a real pain to type in, but I hope all you out there enjoy this. And I beleive I have earned the right to include the numbers of some BBS's to call. 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