Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= PROJECT OLYMPIA by Rex C. Williams OLYMPIA (DF) -- Microsoft Corporation purchased the State of Washington for a reported $256 Billion. Code named "Olympia," this seems to be Bill Gates' latest step on his way toward "Total Integration". Microsoft plans to turn the northwestern State into a "Virtual State" where all public services and utilities will be integrated into the Windows operating systems. For example, in order to call a police officer for help, rather than having to go through an archaic 911 telephone system, you simply drag the Police icon from the Emergency Services folder and drag it over to the icon of your home. Microsoft promises that ISDN lines will be available throughout the "Virtual State" to allow for better services via modem. By using a combination of Microsoft technologies including OLE, MAPI, and TAPI, a citizen will be able to call for an ambulance (by the same method as shown above), edit an Excel spreadsheet within a Word document, download his E-mail, and print a large document all at the same time. An IBM spokesman was quoted as saying "He [Gates] will never succeed. We tried to do the same thing with South Florida a few years ago and it was a terrible disaster." Historically speaking, this bodes well for Microsoft. IBM and Apple are expected to file a joint suit against Microsoft. The State of Oregon was also acquired for beta testing which is expected to begin the second quarter of next year. Microsoft promises that the necessary software will be able to run on existing hardware, but early reports show that one will need a multi-processor P6 or RISC based machine with 128MB of RAM and at least 3.6GB of free disk space. When questioned about this an anonymous source from the company said that even if they aren't able to knock down the system requirements, "It still shouldn't be a problem as this configuration will be considered an entry-level machine, if not completely outdated altogether." Bill Gates held a separate press conference for the concerned citizens of the newly acquired state. He declared that the people had nothing to fear. Registered citizens would be permitted to re-enter the State for a nominal upgrade fee. Oregon and California citizens will be offered a slightly higher priced competitive upgrade, while all other citizens will have to pay full price. Exact pricing has not yet been set. Microsoft plans to have the project completed by the first quarter of 1998. But . . . the acquisition prompted Congress to take actions as well. (See related story, Washington DC Goes To MS-Washington.) WASHINGTON DC GOES TO MS-WASHINGTON -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- BEGINNING TO ABEND by Rex C. Williams WASHINGTON DC (DF) -- With the announcement of Microsoft's acquisition of the State of Washington -- vice-president Al Gore shifted his national agenda on the Information Superhighway into overdrive. Congress announced the formation of the Subcommittee on Superhighways And All Things Virtual. The subcommittee was given $512 Billion to determine how much the government would be obligated to spend on the Information Superhighway. Computer industry leaders were invited to join in the first closed sessions. The first item on the agenda was the "Look and Feel" of the road signs. Conservative Republicans proposed that it should stay in keeping with the signs found on conventional interstates. This immediately brought objections by representatives from both Novell and Microsoft. Novell felt that the Blue colorings for the shields would inevitably be linked to IBM and would therefor give them an unfair advantage. Novell suggested red for its easy readability. The matter was passed on to the Securities and Exchange Commission for further review. Microsoft objected to the even numbered numbering scheme from coast-to-coast citing their own regrettable misfortunes with even numbers. Neither issue is expected to be resolved before Congress convenes for Spring Break. {DREAM} Copyright 1995 Rex C. Williams, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Rex C. Williams is a Full-time Desktop Publishing Coordinator. He has previously worked as a Programmer/Analyst/Database Developer. In his spare time he operates the EPiTOME BBS from a secret location in Savannah, Georgia. He may be reached by E-Mail at The EPiTOME BBS (912) 234-1181, or by Snail Mail, 154-B Buckhalter Road, Savannah, GA 31405. Home Phone: (912) 236-4105 (rarely home) Work: (912) 927-1181 =====================================================================