JaNuarY 31 1995 Â ÚÄ¿ ÚÄÂÄ¿ ÚÄÄ ÚÄ¿ Â Written by: ³ ÃÄ´ ³ Á ³ ÃÄ ÃÂÙ ³ Profezzor Fuze It'z back!! ÀÄÄ Á Á Á Á ÀÄÄ ÁÀ . A legend in the making! What'z new? Dark BBz'r died in a car accident. After reading thiz mag a couple timez, I figured what the hell, he'd want it to keep going! Az you know, thiz mag ratez and yammerz on about that thing that annoyz uz the mozt in thiz bbz world: LAMERz!! Their everywhere theze dayz, zometimez even made up of entire bbz'z! zO, what were gonna add iz a BBz Lamenezz zection... complete with the zyzop'z lame name. NoTE: Juzt cuz a uzer ratez #1 fer lame- nezz, doezn't mean that a zyzop of a board ratez #3 iz lezz lame. A zyzop that runz a lame board iz conzidered az lame az they get! On with the zcene!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- War3z Take over bbz community, what boardz carry em, and what dont!? Pg.1 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- What are todayz bbz'rz looking for, warez!! Everyone'z got em theze dayz.... even there fucking grandmotherz. We can thank all the warez mazterz for thiz. DEFINITION! WAREZ MAzTER: Perzon/z who belive that bbz'ing iz made of pure filez. Anyone who doezn't have *THE* latezt 10 zecond ware, iz lame in there eyez. Known to have more HD zpace than NAzA itzelf. They love to brag about their JEzUz zYzTEMz. Theze people really are not lame, but in fact have a zicknezz that iz conzidered uncurable. According to my ztudiez theze zickening people are zpreading all acrozz the nation. Alzo in the zcene are Warez OVERLORDz. DEFINITION! Warez Overlord: Perzon/z who run a board and accept nothing but the finezt elite peoplez on there board. zame thing az a Warez Mazter, but worze!! They think they are C00L cuz they run a board. In reality, they have no life, and zhould be burned at the ztake!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEw to the zcene!!!! New lamerz making big dent in zociety! Pg. 2 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Todayz zociety iz growing more and more lamerz in thiz area. I think we allready know them.. they are all TGP wannabeez, and actually zTRIVE to get on the lamer lizt.. or zo it would zeem, eh? Here'z zome new lamerz to watch out for!!! #3 NEW Lamer: Dazterdly Vaziline Pete Yez, you are reading thiz right.. hiz handle zayz it all. We here at lamer mag have come to the concluzion that he iz indeed gay And iz a clozet caze. He haz a nazty habit of calling boardz, and acting C00l! Azide from the fact that he pickz hiz noze, he zhould get a keyboard cover.. or zome kleenex. #2 NEW Lamer: Dark Rider A.K.a: Butthead Can you belive thiz guy? He getz hated to death az butthead, changez hiz handle to Dark Rider, and zignz a Nuw Yuzer Mezzage az BUTTHEAD!! Of all idiocy, thiz guy ALMOzT made #1. What'z hiz favorite zaying? "Hey they dark rider guy waz here" Of all annoying zayingz, he inziztz upon zaying thiz in EVERY mezzage he writez. And... the #1 NEW Lamer to the zcene... zANDMAN We have a NEW TGP!!! Lazt known motive waz to HACK Naza. Thiz waz admitted by a LAME zyzop Warez OVERLORD himzelf: Wolverine, or iz it Weazel, or iz it Wezley... he can't zeem to keep a handle for longer than 1 week. What'll it be next week, Arbuckle!!! More on thiz lamer later in the mag. Back to zandman. Thiz lamer very zeriouzly wantz to hack Naza. He claimz to have the # to there. When approached, and quiryed az to what would happen if they tried to trace the call, he exclaimed "I'll uze *67, what elze!" Ouch... that'z a large comment. THen he goez about the zcene, logging onto boardz, trying to get diverter PROGRAMz. Yez, at lazt, a diverter in .Com format Can zomeone pleaze give thiz d00d a diverter program like he azkz... you know, the one named GOLDBUG. Yeah... thatz it... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- More Adventures of Captain /<-Rad! Leeched from another mag, but Pg. 3 it's here due to popular request. Sorry VaS. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey ho, it's Captain /<-RAD!!!! The continuing adventures of the code kid himself. He's faster than a 300 baud modem! Able to load windows terminal with the push of a single button! Look, it's TGP, it's MOUSE, no, it's ***CAPTAIN K-RAD!!!!!!!*** We join our hero right here in the bbs community!! He's trying to hack a board that stole his credit card #, and charged 10,000 dollars on his parents account!! Lets see how far he's gotton Login: Captain K-RAD Unknown user, apply as new? "By letting it sit at this prompt, his board will grow impatient, and then let me in!!" ***TIME OUT LOGOFF**** No Carrier "Hmm.. time for me to whip up one of my board hacking programs!" 10 ECHO OFF 20 Hack board 30 Login 40 Drop to dos 50 If board not hacked, goto 20 60 If not logged in, goto 30 70 If not dropped to dos, goto 40 "that awta do it!" LOGIN: "here goes, lemme double click on my program, hafta upload it using Kermit done" LOGIN:HACK BOARD System malfuntion C:\> Ok mister, your gonna pay! C:\>Format *.* Bad Command or File Name C:\> "what was that command?" C:\>Help Bad Command or Filename C:\> "Where is my dos manual? I just wish I could click on the format icon..." "AHHHH!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!! CALL 911!!!!" Join us next month for the continuing adventures of... CAPTAIN /<-RAD!!!!!!!!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Profezzor Fuzez TOP TEN LAMER LIST Pg. 4 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok kidz, you want it, you got it, *THE* top ten lizt.... #10: BERNIE BOARD NAME: The Strain Recently Bernie upgraded to 28.8 v.34... but failed to add the rezult codez of 16.8+. If you connect at anything higher than 14400, the board hangz. And he WONDERS why noone haz called at 28.8 in the lazt MONTH. Legend ztill haz it that he left hiz computer in hiz clozet, and forgot that he waz even running a board. One day he'll walk in and go Oh, I forgot all about that thing.. So that'z the end of the ztrain... grizzly.. #09: TGP BOARD NAME: None, formerly Social Diztortion Left the bbz zcene after having garage door painted, phone linez cut, 2000 voltz zent to hiz modem, computer fried, houze damaged, egged, tp'd, DDD'd, and had hiz CUTE little moped STOLEN! Mark one up for the anti-lame, and DOWN with another lamer!!! Guyz- NICE JOB!!!! #08: Syzop Name: Unknown at time BOARD NAME: Evilz Realm A once rivaled board waz indeed a quite good board!!! It zeemz that the zyzop thought if he left it the zame way for 2 yearz, it would ztay good for two yearz. Idiot. After zeeing the zame automezzage for 1 year, I decided to go elzewhere. He too iz a Warez Overlord, but alaz, he haz no warez... or at leazt, not until he validatez them... One tip guy: You CAN configure renegade, it'z call SYSTEM CONFIGURATION. See that zpot that zayz "SYSOP NAME: Your name here" Your handle zhould go there... that'z it... Idiot. #07: Syzop Name: Wolverine Board Name: Cool World My my, we have a TRUE Warez Overlord here... and a brilliant thinker... he actually got caller id for hiz board that blockz blocked callz... hey, that'z a great idea! Now all you need iz CALLERS zo you can uze that caller id..... again.. another brilliant zceme by arbuckle himzelf... Thiz kid actually LIKED highzchool zo much, he ztuck around after graduating, azz kizzing the teacherz az uzuall. TIP: When you get your diploma, you dont get on the buz next year. #06: Syzop: The Fizher King Board Name: Alcatraz Thiz board waz once actually good. It lookz nice, haz nice filez, haz everything a board zhould have except one thing: CALLERS. Yez.... there zorta necezzary when you run a board, writing mail to yourzelf to keep the public mezzagez up izn't cool. ALSO- Your file zelection iz nice, buuut... I had thoze all when I had my 8086.... #05: The Dark BBS'r Why'd ya hafta quit with the lamer mag'z when everyone liked em! BOOOOO!!!! You rate a #5 my freind... #04: MOUSE He came out of the clozet. He went back in, he came out of the clozet, he went back in, He came out of the clozet, he went back in, THIS time with Orange Cruzh. They both came out of the clozet... they both went back in, and ztarted making animal noizez. #03: Orange Cruzh He'z holding a zteady #3 pozition... or iz that 69 pozition... who knowz what he'z doing with mouze theze dayz.... Bezidez thinking that he'z an ANSI GOD the more groupz he joinz, the lezz we zee of em.... #02: Syzop: Buckaroo Banzaii Board Name: Aqualung Xiii Or iz it 14, 15, 16, what doez it matter?! Thiz board haz inzizted upon lizting hiz board under everyonez bbz lizt more than once. Actually, about 13 timez... thankz for cluttering it up. You get the big two! When looking for lame boardz, we zaw your name zo many timez, we decided to look into you a little. After logging onto hiz board, we zaw lamerz galore.... he haz caller id, but that didn't ztop uz from leaving zhit info!! Dont take it perzonally.... #01: And the #1 Lamer of the month izzzzzzzz........ SYLVESTER MATUSHKA!!!!!! That'z right.... the lamer himzelf... he eatz, zleepz, and SHITS lamenezz... hiz board iz lame, hiz mezzagez are lame. He thinkz all hackerz zhould goto hell, and that muzic and zpam zhall prevail. Uhh.. ok. Sure. Idiot. Hiz board haz been hacked zo many timez, we have lozt count. All we here at lamer mag requezt iz that you get a logon anzi with lettering you can actually READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After zeeing the anzi, we decided to logon to hiz board and have a little fun... He'z turning into a Warez overlord himzelf! And zo we bring an end to another gloriouz izzue of Lamer mag. Remember: Lamenezz zhall never rule the bbz world. All lamerz muzt die!!!!!!!!!