AOLer's Diary Unknown July 18- I just tried to connect to America Online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. I can't connect, I don't know what is wrong. July 19- Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am? July 20- I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused. July 21- I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That three year old next door did it for me. July 22- That three year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. July 23- Whats the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I'm confused. July 24- The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius, at least compared to me. July 25- I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need a microphone. July 26- I found this thingy called USEnet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online, not USEnet. I went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. He says that since I connected to America Online, my brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size. July 27- These people in this USEnet thingy keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard. July 28- I found this thingy called the USEnet Oracle. It says that it can answer any question I ask it. I asked it 44 sperate questions about the internet. I hope it responds soon. July 29- I found a group called rec.humor. I decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. To get to the other side! Ha Ha! I wasn't sure if I posted it right, so I posted it 56 more times. July 30- I keep hearing about the world wide web. I didn't know spiders grew that large. July 31- The oracle responded to my question today. Geez, it was rude. I was so angry that I posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. I wasn't sure if it posted right, so I posted it 22 more times. August 1- Someone told me to read the FAQ. Geez, they didn't have to use profanity. August 2- I just read this post called make money fast. I am so excited, I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find. August 3- I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long, so I will have to work on it some more. August 4- I just looked at a group called ALT.AOL.SUCKS. I read a few posts and I really believe that AOL should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an "aol" is, however. August 5- I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out FTP.NETCOM.COM. I've looked and looked, but I can't find that group. August 6- Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.