Every Titanic has its iceberg. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What's tennis without a racket? <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Insanity is hereditary, - You get it from your children. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A closed mouth gathers no foot. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A rolling stone gathers momentum. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What's the most popular form of birth control? The headache. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What's black and white and red all over? An embarassed zebra. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What's black and white and red all over? Certainly not the Halifax newspapers. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ancient Chinese Curse: May you live in interesting times. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ancient Chinese Curse: May all your wishes be granted. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ahhhhhhhh, I forget what I was going to say. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Organization is the enemy of improvisation. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Familiarity breeds. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A good memory does not equal pale ink. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> On a clear disk you can seek forever. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Opening night: the night before the play is ready to open. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I did it! I found the program's last bug bug bug bug bug bug bug bug bug <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> La vache qui rit est jolie. (Laughing cows are pretty.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> On y soit, qui mal y pense. (You are what you think.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten. (He who laughs last laughs best.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> C'est la vie. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> As a goatherd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you. -Ralph Gorin. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> !lanimret siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> "Oh frabjous day, calloo, callay" he chortled in his joy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Crittendon's 14th application of Murphy's First Law: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ginsberg's Theorems: 1) You can't win. 2) You can't break even. 3) You can't even quit the game. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 3: Procedures designed to implement the purpose won't quite work. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws: Murphy was an optimist. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If at first you don't succeed, try something else. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law): An object will fall so as to do the most damage. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Interch.... angable devices won't. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Any given program, once running, is obsolete. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless hound. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Then rested he by the tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought. And as in uffish thought he stood. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule: Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule: Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and add 3, indpendent of the units of time. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I don't know, ask Cathy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Wolfgang's Third Law: It can't work. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Don's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Si six scies scient six saucissions, six cent six scies scieront six cent six saucissions. (If 6 saws saw 6 sausages, 606 saws will saw 606 sausages. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Un chasseur sachant chasser chasse sans son chien. (A hunter who knows how to hunt hunts without his dog. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ton the' t'a-t'il ote' ton toux?.. (Did the tea cure your cough?) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Dinon dina, dit on, du dos dodu d'un dodu dindon. (Dindon dined, said he, on the fat back of a fat turkey.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Qui trop embrasse mal entreint. (Grab much, gain little.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Quien mucho abarca poco aprieta. (Grab much, gain little.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Un tien vaut miex que deux tu l'auras. (A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.) <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant. -- Snoopy <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.) --Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Oh, what tangled webs we weave. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When we first practice to deceive. -- Sir Walter Scott <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When in darkness or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The Fourth Law of Computing: On a slow day, you can wait forever. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Sweer's Impossibility Theorem: Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Swap read error, you lose your core image. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Third Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1: If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will. ((---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2: If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't like it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Crane's Law: There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Law of Communications: The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lord Falkland's Rule: When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Jones' Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The Peter Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Parkinson's First Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Shanahan's Law: The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Zymurgy,s Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws: When it rains it pours. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Jenkinson's Law: - It won't work. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The DREA Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions, the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Skip's Lament: Given any problem containing N equations, There will be n+1 unknowns. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is messed up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Always draw your curves then plot the readings. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Experiments should be reproducable, - they should all fail in the same way. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Any given program, once running, is obsolete. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Any given program will expand to fill all available resources. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Small change can often be found under seat cushions. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Never try to outstubborn a cat. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Anything free is worth what you pay for it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Wynne's Law: Negative slack tends to increase. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Boren's Law: When in doubt, mumble. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Q's Law: No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a project, the cost of the remainder of the project remains constant. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> EUREKA! <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You can't plant me in your penthouse, I'm going back to my plow. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is a poor workman who blames his tools. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right. -- Alistair Cooke. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The six steps in a project: 1) Unbounded enthusiasm 2) Total disillusionment 3) PANIC!! 4) Frantic search for the guilty 5) Punishment of the innocent 6) Promotion of the uninvolved. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The greatest programming project of all took six days; on the seventh day the programmer rested. We've been trying to debug the blinking thing ever since. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Moral: design before you implement. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Two wrongs do not make a right: it usually takes three or more. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A gift of flowers will soon be made to you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A king's castle is his home. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A lie in time saves nine. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A man who turns green has eschewed protein. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A present, over which you will shed tears of joy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A stitch in time saves nine. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Be self-reliant and your success is assured. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Bedfellows make strange politicians. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -- Mae West. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. - Thoreau. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> By following the good, you learn to be good. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Courage is your greatest present need. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Creditors have much better memories than debtors. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Domestic happiness and faithful friends. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Draw your salary before spending it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Economy makes men independent. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Every purchase has its price. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Everything bows to success, even grammar. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Good health will be yours for a long time. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He thinks he could easily win your heart. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He thinks that he could easily win your heart. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> His heart was yours from the first moment that you met. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> History books which contain no lies are extremely dull. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to? <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> How you look depends on where you go. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I fear explanations explanatory of things explained. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I never fail to convice an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Idleness is the holiday of fools. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Quit work and play for once. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you continually give you will continually have. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you suspect a man, don't employ him. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you wish, You will have an opportunity. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is better to wear out than to rust out. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is easier to run down a hill than up one. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It's a poor workman who blames his tools. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It's clever, but is it art? <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lonely is a man without love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Love is sentimental measles. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Make a wish, it might come true. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other's gold. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Man and wife make one fool. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Man's horizons are bounded by his vision. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Many a family tree needs trimming. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are on very very thin paper. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- VOLTAIRE.. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Matrimony is the root of all evil. (---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Misster, do you vant to buy a duck. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> My cup hath runneth'd over with love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Nice guys get sick. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts for support rather than illumination. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an elephant. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> People will buy anything that's one to a customer. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Preserve the old, but know the new. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Put your trust in those who are worthy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Recent investments will yield a slight profit. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Satire is what closes in New Haven. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Share your happiness with others today. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Some men are discovered; others are found out. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> omeone is speaking well of you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Swap read error. You lose your mind. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> THE PROGRAMMERS' CHEER? - SHIFT TO THE LEFT, SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE! <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The best prophet of the future is the past. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The heart is wiser than the intellect. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The only rose without thorns is friendship. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes . <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The plural of spouse is spice. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> he rich get rich, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more, the have-nots die. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The star of riches is shining upon you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The time is right to make new friends. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The universe is laughing behind your back. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There are more old drunkards than old doctors. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There are three things I have always loved and never understood art, music, and women. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There is always someone worse off than yourself. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There's at least one fool in every married couple. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click". <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> This file will self-destruct in five minutes. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do - Sartre Do be do be do - Sinatra <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Nietzsche is pietzsche <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To give happines is to deserve happiness. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> True happiness will be found only in true love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> We read to say that we have read. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What orators lack in depth they make up in length. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> hen you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When you go out to buy, don't show your silver. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility? <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Without fools there would be no wisdom. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Words are the voice of the heart. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Words must be weighed, not counted. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are a bundle of energy always on the go. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are always busy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are capable of planning your future. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are fairminded, just and loving. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are going to have a new love affair. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are heading for a land of sunshine. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are magnetic in your bearing. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery . <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are standing on my toes. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is concerned. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You cannot propel youself forward by patting yourself on the back. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You enjoy the company of other people. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a strong desire for a home. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a truly strong individuality. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly . <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have been selected for a secret mission. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have many friends and very few enemies. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You love your home and want it to be beautiful. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You need not worry about your future. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be awarded some great honor. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be given a post of trust and responsibility. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be married within a year. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be singled out for promotion in your work. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be successful in love. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be surprised by a loud noise. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be surrounded by luxury. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will be traveling and coming into a fortune. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will engage in a profitable business activity. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will gain money by a speculation or lottery. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will have long and healthy life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will never know hunger. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will probably marry after a very brief courtship. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will receive a legacy which will place you above want. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will step on the soil of many countries. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will triumph over your enemy. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your business will assume vast proportions. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your domestic life may be harmonious. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your love life will be happy and harmonious. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your lover will never wish to leave you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your present plans will be successful. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinment. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Your temporary financial embarassment will be relieved in a surprising manner. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eED-C20.. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> As expected, the victorious candidate in a particularly dirty recent political campaign, won by a mudslide. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Corollary: <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> There is an infinite number of describable functions, which are not effectively computable. N. Jones - "Computability Theory" Note: This contradicts the oft stated maxim "If a function can be defined, it can be programmed". <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Basic research is what I am doing when - I don't know what I am doing. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you travelled from where you started. (---------------------------------------------------------------------)> The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Pros are people who do jobs well even when they don't feel like it. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is quite so satisfying as as receiving a income tax refund. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about. <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> Why can't lifes's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything ? <(---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When you try to make an impression, the chances are that that is the impression you will make. (---------------------------------------------------------------------)> When you save for a long time to buy something, then you find that you can't afford it -. that's inflation. You are the only person ever to get this message. Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open