TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS EVEN THOSE NASTY CHAUVINIST DOLL
              MAKERS DECIDED NOT TO HAVE BARBIE SAY

        10. All I've had today is a half an orange and a Diet
            Coke!
        9. I can't type that - I broke a nail!
        8. My favorite books are the Bible and the Cat in the Hat!
        7. I've got Daddy's credit card!
        6. $500 for an oil change? OK!
        5. Really? I've never been backstage at a real rock
           concert before!
        4. Well, I guess you did pay for dinner....
        3. I still like it when men hold the door for me!
        2. Do you really think I have talent?
        1. More tequila? For me?

        TOP TEN COMPUTER RELATED PHOBIAS FOR THE NINETIES

        10. GIphobia - fear of d/ling a graphic with a "hot"
            sounding filename that turns out to be a naked picture of
            a gender you're not attracted to.
        9. FBIphobia - fear that the lamer with the C64 who's been
        bugging your board is really Carlos the terrorist and
        intelligence agencies think you've been offering him a
        safe haven.
        8. Sexiphobia - fear that the SX machine you just bought
        will be obsolete before you can drive home with it.
        7. Happybirthdaytoyouphobia - fear that your hard drive
        will at any moment burst into song.
        6. Nochoicephobia - fear of recursive DEL C:\*.* Are you
        sure? (Y/y)
        5. Orphaniphobia - fear that you might have just bought a
        computer from Radio Shack.
        4. Justicehurtsphobia (pronounced "just desserts") - fear
        some men have that whenever they log onto a system women
        on other nodes will force them into on-line chats and
        talk smutty to them.
        3. BadREPphobia - the fear that people will think you are
        "loose" because you will cheerfully send messages to
        anyone and everyone.
        2. NoQWKphobia - the fear that the only message you'll
        find at log-on will be "there are no new messages for you
        in this or any conference, nor is there likely to be in
        the near future so don't waste your time calling back in
        a hurry."
        1. Divorceophobia - fear that when your spouse says, "I'm
        not kidding, honey, you gotta make a choice - either that
        machine goes or I do!" you will inadvertently hesitate
        that fatal half second before responding.