"42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!" "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." "DEL *.*" - 100% file compression. "Facts are stupid things" - Ronald Reagan "Happiness is a warm puppy." said the anaconda. "He was a man, all and all, I shall not look upon his like again." "Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see?" "Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see?" "Hmmm, the Force is strong in this one" "I do not think you will accept my help, as I'm waiting to kill you." "I say we nuke the site from Orbit, it's the only way to be sure" "I'm not the one that misplaced the Deltivid asteroid belt!" - Q "Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" - Bart Simpson "The above Statement is absolutely True." --God "Tourist Season" : When it's OK to shoot them. "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -- Yoda "Wagner's music is better than it sounds." "Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver." "What makes the Muskrat guard his musk? - Courage!" "What?!? This isn't the Files section?!?" "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - L. Long "You keep saying that, I don't think it means what you think it means" ((((((((HYPNOTIC))))))))((((((TAGLINE)))))))) ((wrong && wrong) != right) (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium? (A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the frigging thing... (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer. { Rule 62 A Rule To Live By } {Paste here} $$$ not found: A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy. $25,000 Reward! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ? aissez es Bon Temps Roull, I smell good times <--- Look Ma... I'm registered! #define QUESTION {(2b || !2b)} -- Shakespeare @T@? It's Miller Time! _____net---keep out of the reach of children! ~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~ HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! ~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~ h  mM gs. h$ s G g. 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one MEAN woman! 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman. 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the law. 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmmmm..... 29A...The hexadecimal of the Beast. 640K ought to be enough for anybody. -Bill Gates, 1981. A feature is a bug with seniority. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A rooster clucks defiance -- but a lawyer.... A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A)bort, R)etry, S)wear? A@R@ R N@R@ I ! D@R@ M/\A@R@ Ahh! Come on George, just this one last little feature! Alas! The poor . I knew it well. And they saith unto Jesus,"How the @#$! did you do that?" Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free. ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done. Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion. Attack of the Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers! B@ This tagline made backwards by Tag O' The Day Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic behind you BEWARE - Tagline Thief in this echo Black holes are where God divided by zero. Bombs don't kill people. Explosions do! But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? Captain Pollard.. Renegade ship approc!@$(@#&$* NO CARRIER Click ... click ... click ... damn, out of s! deny thy father and forget thy . Dinner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza Do what you will with this , just don't bother me about it! Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are better :) Documentation - The worst part of programming. Don't hit me, Mr. Moderator... I'll go back on topic... I swear! DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded! E = mc 2 dB E-mail from the edge. E Pluribus Unum really means 'Get the hell off my Foot' Each call contains only ten calories... Eagles may soar, but Weasles aren't sucked into jets Eagles fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! Eany Meany Jelly Beany...The Spirit's are about to speak. Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing. Earth is 98% full... Please delete anyone you can. EARTH...If You Love It, Leave It<- Earth: mostly harmless. East Side Abortion Clinic: No Fetus can Beat Us! Easy credit, terms available... --Satan Easy credit, terms available... - Satan Easy as 3.141592653589... Easy Street is a blind alley. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and die anyway. Eat the women ---Axl Rose Eat the young! Eat the rich--the poor are tough and stringy Eat prunes for that "get up and go" feeling! Eat my Jockey briefs. Eat properly, get lots of exercise - and die anyway. Eat any good books lately? ebius . This is a moebius . This is a mo ... Eds Radiator Shop:The Best Place in Town to Take a Leak. Edward Scissorhands has jock itch! Eeny Meeny Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. Egotist: more interested in himself than in me. Eh, What's up doc? Eh what? Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. El Kabong! Electricians do it untill it Hz. Electricians do it until it Hz. Electricians do it with a charge! Electronic Latrine, or Philosophic Melting-Pot? Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog Elephant - Mouse Built to Governent Specs Eliminate all ethics from your diet. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. End of Message - Stop reading. Enee, Menee, Minee, HEY MO!!! Energizer Bunny released on bail of 30,000 NiCads. Energy derives from both the + and negative Energy derives from both the + and negative Engineers are better by design. English is wonderful, used correctly Englishman Say: Bird in bed worth two in bar. ENIGMA - A point to ponder! Enjoy life ... moderation is for monks! Enjoy life, you will never get out alive. Enlightenment is only a state of mind. Enough research will tend to support your theory. Enquiring minds couldn't care less! Enquiring minds want to know! Enquiring minds already think they know! Entered @TIME@ on @DATE@ Entropy requires no maintenance! Entropy isn't what it used to be. Environmental condoms;y'want paper or plastic Environmentalists -- modern LUDDITES! Equality......when's it coming? Er, how 'bout 'Biggles Combs his Hair'? Er, how about 'A Sale of Two Titties'? Erno Rubik couldn't figure us out. Error #1511: Brain Offline Error (11): Fax Modem Not Responding, Check Hardware Error 256: Programmer Deleted. Error #0001: COSMOS.CFG Corrupt. Reboot Universe (Y/N): Error reading REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. Error Reading Drive C: (A)bort (R)etry (S)ledgehammer Error loading GOD.SYS (A)bort or (U)nzip BIGBANG.ZIP. Error 99: Dead mouse in hard drive. Error 141: Too many errors. Error 144: Bit bucket overflow. Error finding REALITY.SYS -- universe halted ... Error locating COLDBEER.CAN SysOp not loaded! Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Error reading FAT Table...Try Skinny one ? (Y/N) ERROR READING C: (A)bort (R)etry (I)mmolate? ERROR finding COLDBEER.CAN Sysop not loaded! ERROR LPT1 not found.. use backup - PENCIL & PAPER Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. ERROR: RUM&COKE.DRK unexpected EOF... Operator Loaded ERROR: Your baud rate has been dropped to 300 bps. ERROR: Incompatible File Format Etc., etc., etc. Etched in an eccentric impulse! Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying. Ethernet: A device for catching the Ether Bunny. Euphemist minces words, neologist mints his word Evangelists do more than lay people. Eve was made from Adam's Rib - a cheaper cut of meat Even if you understood women - you'd never believe it! Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even the smallest candle dispels the darkness. Even weeds have needs... Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? Ever notice that Legos aren't biodegradable ? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Everthing put together falls apart. Every new generation is a fresh invasion of barbarians. Every day I do my best for one more day. Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every time I have all the answers, someone changes the questions! Every solution breeds new problems. Every day is the dawn of a new error. Every time I lose weight, it finds me again! Every silver lining has a cloud around it. Every man is the stem of his own bloom. Every day is starting to look like Monday. Everybody lies about sex Everybody lies about sex Everybody do the Michigan Rag! Everyone is GIFTED. Some open the pkg. sooner. Everyone has a scheme that won't work. Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me... Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everyone has photographic memory, some don't have film! Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Everyone's gone to the movies. Everything is a lot like something else. Everything put together falls apart. Everything looks better in COLOR! Everything is just a thing Everything usually goes wrong at once! Everything that's important has already been said! Everything starts as someones daydream! Everything you know is wrong! Everything usually goes wrong at once! Everything here is right, but it could go wrong. Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks. Everything I do is needlessly violent and enormously irresponsible. Everything I have is HUMUNGOUS! Especially my imagination Everything I say is true, and thats a lie EVERYTHING seems to make MY body grow twelve different ways! Everytime I lose weight, it finds me again. Everywhere You Look...(at least around my office) Evil is the root of all money. Buy bonds! Evil won't kill us; apathy & lethargy will Evil...wicked...mean...and nasty!!... Evolution: God's way of issuing updates Excuse me worker, I'll just be a nanosecond. Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. Excuse me while I crouch down here 'ahint my asbestos shield... Excuse me for butting in, I'm interrupt-driven. Excuse me, while I change into something more formidable. Excuse the spelling, I have been snorting to much code. Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall Excuses: I'm too full. Excuses: I'm too tired. Excuses: I've got to get up early tomorrow. Excuses: N: Not tonight, honey, I've got a headache. Excuses: You mean you didn't bring any [insert favorite brand]? Execute program code from Write Only Memory! Exercise ? I would rather be space walking ! Exercise is anything that makes you breath hard. Exhibitionists love Windows Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want! Experience is nothing but a lot of mistakes. Experiencing Synoptical Difficulties, Please Stand By. Experiments should be reproducable. Experiments should be reproducable, Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money. Expert - anyone from out of town. Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch Explode into pieces, you source code -- Asreil, programme Exploding Windows....GOOD Exploding Drives......NOT GOOD!! Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon! External Storage - Wastebasket. Extinct species will never be Born Again. Extremism in anything is. Just extremism. Exxon - greasing the coastline for smoother boating! Eyeing little girls with bad intent... Eyes open, mouth shut, safety off. EZ come... EZ go SLMR come... He stay! oppps OLX Ezz beeg trouble for moose and squirrel.. F-117...the sound of freedom. F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng Fact need not be multiplied beyond necessity. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents Facts are obstinate things. - Joseph Stalin Fahrvegnookie: (n) sex in a Volkswagen. Fahrvergngen! Say the word! HUH? Failure is never fatal and success is never final. Fake it till you make it. Fall Not In Love, It Will Stick To Your Face Falling asleep at the keyboard is called a head crash. Falling lenses are attracted to rocks Fallopian tube - part of a television. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children Familiarity breeds. Familiarity breeds familiarity. Famous last words: Don't worry, I can handle it. Famous last words: 'You saw a WHAT around the corner?!' Famous words, "Trust me, I'm a consultant." Fanatic: Can't change his mind; won't change the subject. Fancy that .....I most certainly DO! Farfignewton - a long way 'till the next cookie.. Fartvergngen..the pleasure of breaking wind. Fascinating, Captain! - Spock. Faster, Cheaper, More Efficient - Modems or Wives Faster than a speeding ticket! Fat, drunk & stupid is no way to go through life FAT TABLE CORRUPT. Please lose weight. Fatal System Error: (A)bort (R)etry (G)et OS/2 Fate protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise. Fate is just the weight of circumstances... Fax and ye shall receive. Fear is only another form of awareness - Charlie Manson FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. Federal Law Prohibits the removal of this tag Feel folded, spindled or mulilated, call... Feel lucky???? Update your software! Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Feet smell? Node run ? HEY , you're upside down! Females have PMS, I have SRH, Sperm Retention Headaches Feminine Protection? A chartreuse flamethrower? Feminism: It's because of men that sh*t happens. Fer sell cheep: IBM Spel chekker. Wurks grate. Fidonet Flamers have uncontrolled vowel movements... Fight on for ol' SC! FIGHT CRIME SHOOT BACK! Figures don't lie, but liars can figure! File not found....Now you're in the DEEP doodoo! File cannot be copied onto itself. File Not Found. Backup Not Found. Sure you don't want a drink? File not found "LIFE.DRV", life halted. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting. Filet Mignon: An opera by Puccini. Filth & profanity tolerated here! Finally both Oars in the Water - Floating Finally, a liberal opposition! Find Jesus? I didn't know he was LOST! Find out what you do not do well and DON'T DO IT Finish your backup, and later on we can have Ice Cream! Fire In The Hole Fire, Mr. Worf! Firemen like things HOT! FIRMWARE: Hardware that is starting to melt. First thing we'll do is kill all the lawyers! First you take a leak. First shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin Fish and Tempura vegetables being BATTERED! Five is right out. Fjord [n] - A make of Norwegian automobile. Fla Come on vacation, return on probation Flamethrower not included... Flick Lives! (my wife told me to use this...) Flocks of pigeons! There will always be an England! Floggings will continue until morale improves Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead? Y/N ? Floppy Joe: Home Computer addict FLOPPY JOES: Home computer addicts Florida: Come on vacation, leave on probation Flying saucers are real. The Air Force doesn't exist. Focus? When's the Picture? Fog is an extremist. Fold and tear here. Tape closed before mailing. --- Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. Folks who like Macs usually got a deep discount. Follow the yellow rubber line ... Followed by the explosive harpoon Food .... a wonderful thing to waist! Food is so expensive, anyone who burps is a liar. Football players have odd shaped balls. For the captain ashore, I wanna go home. For these prices, you can't expect real quotes. For the times...they are a'changin'.... For the non-discriminating, non-judgemental, psychotic, all around Nut. For they are subtle and quick to anger. For once I'm at a loss for words. Mark down the date! For some Reason, reality is an illusion. For that rundown feeling - jaywalk. For the millionth time, don't exaggerate! For it is the doom of men that they forget. - Merlin For want of the price of tea and a slice... For warm boot, put computer in dryer for 20 minutes. For what it's worth!!!! For what it's worth!!!! For want of the price of tea and a slice... For those who choose to BBS with the very best. For those who have better things to do with their time, but don't care. For those 'special' times... For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For when you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils. For Sale: Dehydrated HO - $14 per quart For THIS I bought a computer? For Sale. Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy. For Sale. Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. For Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry 3.14159! For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. For great wrong doings there are great punishments For a snark is a boojum, you see. For every action there's an equal & opposite criticism For further discussion. :-) For a funny quote, call back late. For a snark is a boojum, you see. For a nun buying clothes may be habit-forming. For a good time call 911. For a good time, type FORMAT C: FORD: Found On Road Dead. Forecast for tonight: Dark Forensic Scientists always know who's been there! Forest fires prevent bears. Forget RTFM..., Phone the Author at home! Forget the Joneses.... I can't keep up with The Simpsons Forgive us, for we know not what we do. Not that we CARE or anything. Form emptiness, emptiness form. Format C: Kills software bugs dead. Format Hard Drive: (Y)es, (O)k, (F)ine with me Formatting Forty-two, said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm. FORVAL MODEMS, A Glance Into The Future! Four minus two is one and the same. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Fractionation--1/3-world country. Frailty, thy name is Seagate. Frankly my dear, I don't give a download! Free bank with the purchase of any toaster. Free and single again! Free communication, free thought! Free Sex is all I can afford after Taxes!! Freedom isn't free. Freedom, like crabgrass, keeps popping up Freedom isn't cheap and it never goes on sale. Fresh from the Box. Friction is a drag. Friend or Foe?????????????????? Friendly fire - ISN'T ! Friends don't let friends use Prodigy. Friends come and go. Enemies accumulate. Friends don't let friends use Windows. Friends don't let friends drink and post. Friends don't let friends use DOS 4.xx! Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your s! Friends: People who dislike the same people we do. FROG,n. An amphibian with edible legs. From the Desk of the Happy Hacker... From what I've tasted of desire... -- Frost From the Department of Redundancy Department From here to there and back From the J.S. Bach Planned Parenthood Center From The Valley of The Dulls - Lehigh Valley, Full retro-thrust and ten degrees starboard!!! (Or, something....) Fully compatable with everything, past, present, or future. Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind. Funnier than Johnny Carson, but then again, who isn't? Funny, only sensible people agree with me. Further, higher, faster, onward, upward... G.I. Series....... Ball game between soldiers. G'day, Bruce! Oh, Hello Bruce! How are you Bruce? Gaack is always best when served live Gaakk..it's not just for breakfast anymore! Galactic Intelligence Test #1. Avoid contact with humans. Gamblers take heart! Capital gains tax is over. Garcon! Take this grenade to the chef- very quickly, please. Garlic is good for you! Gasp, someone else got thru the busy signal! Gather 'round like cattle and ye shall be herd. Gay community in Calgary selling Fruit Cakes to promote "Gay awarness week" GCC 2.0 is to C as SVR4 is to Unix. Gee whiz, Madonna, what a neat concert! (barf) Gee, there must be hundreds of em! -- Carl Sagan, age Gee, Mr. Wizard! Aren't nuclear reactors dangerous? Gee Wiz, I didn't know DOS is that stupid! General stupidity error reading drive C General Brain Failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h, sheesh! General stupidity error reading drive C: Genitalia is NOT an Italian airline! Genius has its limits...Stupidity DOESN'T! Genius does what it must; Talent what it can Geochronologists will date any old thing. George Bush spelled sideways is O, he buggers George Bush: the EDLIN of Presidents. Geraldo Rivera wants to do a live special about us, but we know better. Geraldo Rivera: Genetic experiment gone bad? German for bra-Holdsemfromfloppin. German word for constipation, Farfrompoopin! Gesundheit - The answer to the common cold Gesundheit! Get thee down. Be thou funky. Get up in the sky where they can't find you. Get it? -- Got it. -- Good! Get thee down. Be thou funky. Get the Legion Of Doom on Iraq's computers! Get on the telephone!!! --Dr. Gene Scott Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Get me my rubbers....my feet are soaked ! Get your OWN quote, dammit. This one's MINE. Get your mind out of the gutter! Also pick mine up please GET SLACK! GET A CLUE. Cost. 50 cents! GET A LIFE. Cost. 50 cents. GET REAL! Elvis is DEAD! Accept it! Getting up early is hazardous to your health Getting better - not older! GIF at 11! GIF'S, The GIF That Keeps On GIFFing Gimme the chance to prove money can't buy happiness Gimme, a match, I think my gas tank is empty. Girl who douches with vinegar, walks around with sour puss Girl by the whirlpool, lookin' for a new fool... Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town. Girls, girls, girls! Give Me a Cookie! Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt! Give me a break! I'm a PR major--none of this science and math stuff here. Give happiness/Deserve happiness. Given an open book exam, you'll forget the book. Glaucoma Patients Need Legal Marijuana! Glittering generalities! They are blazing ubiquities. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever... Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't all be wrong. Go away or I'll taunt you a second time! Go Ahead, Make My Day... Go ahead...MAKE MY DOWNLOAD!!! Go ahead, steal my ideas...everyone else does... Go ahead, Moderate my day. Go ahead, moderate my day-PUNK! Go Forth and Backup! Go where no man has gone b4! The ladies Bathroom! Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200! Go ahead. Dake my may. God told me it's none of your business. Jimmy Swaggart. God, I hope he isn't a schmuck like the others. God Made Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the World! God save the screen! God is real, unless declared integer. God is Dead - Nietzsche ::: Nietzsche is Dead - God God is HERE, Let Us Celebrate! God corrected her 1st mistake, by creating Eve. GOD is Real... unless declared as an Integer Going back to the origin is called peace... Going where no NC has gone before! Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Going.....Going.....GONE.........! Gone Chopin, be Bach in a Minuet.. Good Programmers type copy con Program.exe Good lawyers can get sodomy reduced to following to close Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever. Good morning! Is an opinion, not a greeting. Good WHAT? really is the way to a Lady's heart Good day to avoid cops..crawl to work. Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please. Good, Quick, Cheap. Pick any two! Good, Fast, or Cheap : choose 2 of the 3 Good tea. --Nice house. Good morning, Sir.Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium Good night, Mrs. Calabash, where-ever you are! Goodbye, Mr. Bond! Goooood Morning Iraq! Gorba-chef -- What's he cooking up now? GORBACHEX: Popular Russian Breakfast cereal Gore-tex: byproduct of the Texas chain saw massacre. Got the sex duh-rive ... driving 'm mad ... Got it straight now? Good. Got Kleptomania? Take something for it! Got DOS 3.3? Downgrade to 4.01 TODAY! Gotta love me...I'm the baby. - baby dinosaur - DINOSAURS Government is a burden on the people. Government Intelligence - Another OXYMORON! Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management. Grammarians never die-they fall into a comma. Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown. Grass is nature's way of saying 'High!' Graves dug to custom fits. Gravity doesn't suck, the earth does. Gravity: Not just a good idea. It's the law. Great Gobs o' goose grease! A computer Great Dames for sale. Great minds always meet at infinity. Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! --- Fajo Greetings from Hell....wish you were here. Grep me no pattern and I'll tell you no lines. Grippe............ A suitcase. Gross: Living in the basement of an outhouse! Ground water? Do you mean crushed ice? Grow up? Naw, I'm gonna be a Sysop. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Growl for me. Let me know you still care. GROWL the SNORT GRUMBLE possessed GRRRRRR bbs ROOAARRR! GST - Go South Turkey! Shop in the States! GST- Government Screwing Taxpayers Guess I will have to turn on my 'Ira Filter' Guess retain files, or any other key to reformat C: GUI: Gross, Undesired Interface GUI? Don't step in it! Gun Control: A criminal's best friend. Gun Control: Being able to hit your target. Gun the man down, I say gun the man down... Gun Control means using 2 hands GUN CONTROL......the ability to hit what you aim at! Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do. Guns don't kill people off-line readers do. Guns don't kill, bullets do. Gutta cavat lapidem non vi, sed saepe cadendo. Gypsy dwarf escapes jail: Small medium at large Ha! and you thought you had heard them all! Hack? I like to call it appropriate..... Had this been an actual emergency, your spleen would have melted. HaHaHaHaHaHa..my eyes are filled with tears. Half a loaf is better than no rest at all. Half wits talk much but say little. Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! Halleluja! Put your HANDS on the MODEM! Ham on rye ... a drunk radio operator! Hand me the glass. (clink) No, the other glass Hand me that solar-powered flashlight... Hand-me-down clothing, also known as sharewear Handwritten on a condom machine; 'This gum tastes funny' Hang together or Hang Separately Hang up the phone, Scotty, there's no intelligent carrier down here. Hang up already. Hangnail.......... A coat hook. Hangover: the mourning after the night before Happiness Is Mandatory....Are you Happy ? Happiness is wanting what you have. Happiness can't buy you money. Happiness is oweing the IRS $50,000 when you die Happiness is a BIG hard drive! Happiness is a full backup. Happiness is a warm modem. Happiness is Being A SysOp... Happiness is a loud belch. Happiness is twin floppies. Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes. Happy as a Pig in Mud! Hard hat area!!!!! Hard disks never die... HA! Hard DISK? Gee lady, I misunderstood you. Hard Drive Crash? Dial 1-800-YOU BURN .. Hard Work never killed anyone, so why chance it? Hard work never hurt anyone--but why risk it? Hard work won't kill me but I'm not taking any chances. Hard-learned lessons are remembered longest Hardware: The part you kick. Hardware: The part you kick. Software: this you corrupt! Hardware: The part you kick. Harry, keep the change... Has a few screws loose. Otherwise ok! Has HELL frozen over yet? Has a room temperature IQ. Has anybody ever found Waldo? Hasta la vista, Baby! Have you tried on your smile today? Have you hugged your computer lately? Have YOU totaled a Ford ... Lately? Have a great day in spite of everyone! Have screwdriver will fix. Have a Nice Day ! Have you ever felt like a tester? Have you got anything without spam? Have you hugged your chipset today? Have you hugged your Sysop today? Have you ever tried looking at the stars through a squirrel? Have you ever had to finally decide... Have you cursed your software developer today? Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? Have universal translator, will mumble! Have you seen my mind? It wandered again. Have a Happy HAPPY:-) Have 8-track, Will Travel. Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? Have a Husky day: 30 below and 5' of snow! Have a nice day!" "No thanks, I have other plans." Have you actually tasted an airline toilet seat? HD Crash: (P)anic, (S)uicide, (K)ill bystanders? HD Recovery: see online documentation.... He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who has, worries; he who has not, longs. He who fishes in other man's well, often catches crabs. He who flies by seat of pants should not eat prunes! He who dies with the most toys... is -still- DEAD! He who laughs last is probably your boss. He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. He who fart in church, sit in pew He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who lives by the sword is a regular cut-up! He who is not busy being born, is busy dying. He who hesitates is lunch ! -- OOP He who hesitates is constipated. He who hesitates is last. He who hesitates goes after me. He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker He who dies with the most software WINS! He ain't heavy; he's a Shareware Author. He who plays with self, pulls boner. He who worships Divine Duck will soon sing swan song. He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He does the work of 3 men: Moe, Larry & Curly He is almost a statesman. He lies well. He was as tough as a two dollar steak He was the most... Human He that knows nothing, doubts nothing. He knew the precise psychological moment to say nothing. He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins! He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. He's dead Jim. You get the tricorder, I'll get his wallet! He's either dead or just very sleepy. He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. He's got a magnet! Everybody stand back! He's not exactly operating on all thrusters. He's not 'ere, Bruce. Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce. Head cheese - it isn't just for breakfast anymore. Headaches are all in your mind! Heads, up Boise! Incoming spuds! Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die. HEALTH TIP #1: Never Agree to Trading Stools in a Gay Bar! Hear about the two maggots making love in Dead Ernest? Heaven Holds a Place for Those who Prey Hell with the lid off...BYTEBROTHERS! Hell hath no misery like a backup ignored. Hell is kept warm with profane burners. Hell hath no pizza (probably no Thai restaurants, either) Hell with the lid off...BYTE BROTHERS! Hell's just had bad P.R. now where's my 1000 suntan block Hello, I must be leaving! Hello, I am part number ޺۳ݳݳ Hello good evening and welcome, to BLACKMAIL! Hello dad...I'm in jail and I LIKE IT here! Hello, Suicide Hotline, Please Hold.. Hello, is this the party to whom I am speaking? Hello, my serial number is޺۳ݳݳ HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! Hello.. Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold? Hello....Incontinence Hotline....Can you Hold Hello?? Anyone home?? Help stamp out unfriendly conference hosts! Help stamp out flaming ducks. Help me! I'm rusting!!! Rusting!!! Help you out? Certainly. Which way did you come in? Help the economy today...Go out and Buy something! Help stamp out philatelists. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! Help, help! Im being repressed! Help I've fallen and I can't reach my BEER !!! Help--I'm being held captive by my modem! Help me Norton, Help help me Norton.... HELP, I'm being held prisoner by this BBS. HELP ME! MY BRAIN!!! I JUST DROPPED IT! AAARRGGGGHHH! Help! I'm trapped in a town without a deli! Help! I'm addicted to s! Help! I've fallen on the floor and I'm rolling! Help! I've fallen and can't reach my beer! Help! My computer is holding me prisoner... Help! Save my walrus! Help! I've fallen off line and can't hang-up! Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Help!!me the apples are chaseing me?? Here Fido, Fetch. Get the stick Fido. Stick, Dumb Dog. Here I sit, in a tizzy; all my favorite boards are busy Here, have some of mine, PLEASE! Here's a . Here's a quarter, call someone who cares. Here's a tagline you have never seen before! Heredity is what sets parents of a teenager wondering about each other. Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't. Heresy lays foundations for progress. Hes not the Messiah . . . hes a very naughty boy. Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses? Hex Dump: Where witches put used curses? Hey, what's this ALT-227 thing for? Hey, my (fill in the name) won't connect with anything at 9600! Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?! Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a tagline out of my hat. Hey, my (fill in the name) doesn't have a 16550 UART! Hey, I was 'testing' it for 3 years! Hey, Doc, got anything I can take for kleptomania? Hey, *we* care. Now get off the &*^@#! line! Hey, you got a problem buddy??!! Hey, who spilled coffee on my ? Hey, where can I get a father board? Hey Rocky, Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat Hey Underpants, I'm talking to YOU! Hey Norton.. I have a SMALL problem... Hey Harry, what the hell's a JAMF?? HEY LOOK, Ifixxedthat spacebarproblem. ohdarn. Hey! Who took the cork out of my lunch? Hey! This Really Works! Hey! Your Trakball is upside down! Hey! Watch where you aim that thing! Hey! I hear there's a 'MODERATOR' coming soon. Hey! Don't pick up that phoׯች NO CARRIER Hey!! That was funny. Did you hear... Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-o-three-eighty-six! Hi Windows 3.0, bye Windows 3.0 Hi, my Goldfish looks just like yours!" Hi, what would you like with your fries? Hi June, how's the beaver? Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, its off to the institution I go! Hi! I am a disabled .signature virus. Hi! I'm your quote for this evening... Hi! I am a .signature virus. Copy me into your .signature file to join in! High message: 943432. Message you last read: 59. High insurance rates are what killed dinosaurs. Hind sight is always 20-20. Hindquarters special of the day !Bring buns ! Hindsight is an exact science. HIPMOTIZE!! Hire a teenager while they still know it all. Hire teenagers while they still know everything. His wife hurt herself making dinner yesterday - frostbite History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victors. History repeats itself because nobody listens. Hit me, I'm a lawyer... Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Hmmm, Maybe I should have read this one! Hmmm... What's this red button foNO CARRIER Hmmm...Is this TAG on? Thump Thump Thump Hmmmm... Now where did I park my Hard Drive Hobbes did it, Mom! Hold the Mayo. Hold a hard drive to your ear. Listen to the C: Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather. Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather. Hole in The Mattress - By Mr. Completely Hole in the Bed by I Missed Her Completely Holy Razor blades, Batman! That was a close shave! Home is where the computer is plugged in. Home Sweet Home Home sweet home..the place everybody should work... Home of the Mc. Billions and Billions served. Home of the Superconducting Kitty Collider. Homework time limit exceeded. Auto logon in effect! Honest teacher. A virus REALLY did eat my homework! Honest, Officer! The dwarf was on fire when I got here... Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat... Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. Honey, what's 'Formatting C Drive' mean? Honey, get out the whips and chains... company! Honey quiet playing Mahjongg,I have to work.. Honey,just one more message...I really MEAN it this time! Honeymoon: The time between 'I do' and 'You'd better!' Honk if you feel better than James Brown Honk if you like obscene gestures! Honk if you Hate Rap Music. Horn busted! Watch for finger! Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum! Hot damn we're cooking now. Hot water Heaters: Hot water needs heating? Hot Fudge Sundae falls on a Tuesday this year. How is this for diplomacy----Shoot them all! How long before we're as dumb as computers? How does Teflon stick to pans? How much wood did Peter Piper pick.. no, wait.. How many babies can a motherboard have? How do you get 1000 babies into a Volkswagen? A Pitch Fork. How do you keep a turkey in suspense? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How do you spell RELIEF? DISK_SPACE! How do you determine the sex of a computer? How the deuce d'you deduce that? How you look depends on where you go. How to defend yourself against a Banana. How ya going to do it? IBM Blue it! How many weeks in a light year? How much does it cost to ride an IO bus? 2 Bits. How much wood did Peter Piper pick... no, wait... How much is that wookie in the window? How you look depends on where you go. How come the AT&T symbol looks like the Death Star? How come this jacket they gave me doesn't have sleeves? How come all you guys sit on your helmets? How did I get here from there? How do I turn the other cheek without getting up? How about them apples.... How am I driving? --- 1-800-EAT-SHIT How come wrong numbers are never busy! How about a little peel & squeal at my place? How do you attach a tag line so it'll stay? How did I get round from eating square meals? How do I set my laser printer on stun? How do you straighten a bent pipe? Bend it! How do frogs die? Ker-mit suicide How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide. How do you cure a woman of nymphomania? Marry her. How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer. How do you kill a fag? A put a mole in his hamster cage. Howd'ya hide money from a Hippie? Put it under the soap! Hozone; Where 1 sock in every load disappears to! HS/Link users get it coming and going! Huh? You mean I can't send mail to myself?? Humanity prefers comfort over truth. Humbled again by overlooking the obvious Humpty Dumpty had too much egg nog to drink... Hungry? Out of work? Eat your foreign car! Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse. Hysteria ... ^%#)%^@{]@!]|%#@+ I meant what I said --- I think. I may look busy,but I'm just confused! I mentioned my 'Hard drive' and she giggled expectantly. I multitask. I read in the bathroom! I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. I make my own reality..... I lurk quietly and carry a big OFF/ON switch. I need to know, I need to know, I need to ... I need all the help I can get! I must have a mind like a steel seive! I must stop here... my fingers are hoarse. I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. I need a Phillips Screwdriver. All of mine are Stanley. I like to sit and think. Mostly, I just sit. I like to reminisce with people I don't know. I like to skate on the other side of the ice. I live in my own world... Peaceful visitors welcome... I like to leave messages *before* the beep. I like to press wild flowers. I loved her butt I left her behind. I love it when a tagline comes together I love Standards, there are so many of them! I lost a button hole today. I love MITTs! (Mexicans in Tank tops!) I love the smell of napalm in the morning! I like to enter messages from the Asylum computer. I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died. I plan to live forever, or die trying. I plead not guilty by reason of computer-induced insanity. I plead temporary insanity. ;-) I parked my hard drive and it got towed away! I passed my ethics course. I cheated, of course... I parked my Hard drive, and now I can't find it! I qualified for Raw Bits! I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars. I posted my joke. I prefer 'Indiana', We named the DOG Indiana! I pulled the finger...and she sank... I need all the help I can get! I never promised you a rose garden... I never could remember punch lines! I object to sex on TV, I keep falling off! I need everything; do you have it?? I neutered my cat. Now he's a consultant. I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket! I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go... I only drink to make other people seem interesting. I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. I only drink when I'm alone or with someone. I only wish my mouth had a BACKSPACE key! I quit drinking/smoking/& sex once. Very boring 15 minutes. I just _adore_ this ! I just LOVE quoting!!! I just stepped on a factoid! - Zippy I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I hit my CRTL key but I'm STILL not in control.... I is knot dain bramaged!!! I havent lost my mind its backed up on tape.. I just got a hard drive and can't do a thing with it. I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.... I just fade my voice out like this and cue... I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! I just found the last bug! I just got pulled over by the L.A.P.D. and boy am I beat. I have nothing to say, but I can say it loudly. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence... I have more quotes than most people have BRAINS, proving SOMETHING. I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say. I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on tape somewhere. I haven't had sex in so long, I forget who gets tied up! I have the heart of a young boy - in a jar on my desk. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. I have that file, it's right he........ I have the greatest enthusiasm for the mission - HAL 9000 I like the 486 tower. Does it come in red? I know this is off-topic, but... I know the combination to your locked baud rate.. I know a heartache when I see one. I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously. I know someone with the exact same name! Really? Who? I know something Bo doesn't! I know my mind. And it's around here someplace. I like my coffee black... as a moonless night. I left my s on my 486. I know the combination to your locked baud rate.. I know this ship like the back of my hand.. - Scotty I laughed, I cried, I fell down,... I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! I just tested out my pit bull. Ever heard a mime scream? I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. I just took an IQ test. The results were negative. I just injured a groin muscle; & it wasn't mine! I just keep my eyes closed and hope the best I know and I know you know I know. I know a heartache when I see one. I knew it was a bad crash, when the FAA called. I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere I killed an ant, now all my relatives are afraid of me. I knew Doris Day before she was a Virgin! I have got a disk ache ! I wanna die with NOTHING left working! I want to be immortal by not dying -W.Allen I want Kirstie Alley for Christmas. I want Kirstie Alley for my Birthday! I vote that you add it to the disclaimers in the report. I want my, I want my, I want my XRS! I used to have money in the bank, now I have a BBS I was born this way! What's your excuse? I was a tall person before I used PKZIP...! I want to hear you scream..in pain.Play some Rap music I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*! I was a snowball in hell. I was bown in a cwossfiwe huwwicane-Jumpin J. Fudd I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid! I tried snorting coke ... and almost DROWNED! I tried to contain myself, but I escaped! I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong... I toast. Therefore I am. I used to write, but now I message. I used to have peace of mind, now,I have kids. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. I used to trust the media to tell me the truth. I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused. I think, therefore I am overqualified... I wonder what this button does.... I wonder what Mr. Ed would do. I wonder, does Barbara Bush spit or swallow? I work with User-Surly Software. I will not get very far with this attitude. I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems..? I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. I wuz bo'n dis way - whut's yo' 'suse? I write therefore I exist I would save the whales if knew where to put them. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. I wouldn't wish it on Mae West enemy. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. I was gonna be a barber but neurosurgery pays better I was born to Code, Compile, Link, Test, Debug! I was here and you were gone,now your here and I'm gone! I wasn't there; I didn't do it; you can't prove it. I was BSer long before I became a BBSer! I will hunt you down and flog you with wet tissues... I will always love the false image I had of you. I welcome criticism write yours here _______ I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! I was on a roll till I slipped on the butter I wasn't picking my nose ... I was scratching. I really said "NO! I seen you do the dog, I seen you gettin down. I see your GAU-8A and raise you two SAMs! I see no reason to stand here and be insulted. - Spock I see you Sam's and raise you two weasels. I see your .44 and raise you a GAU-8A. I see your GAU-8A and raise you two SA-9 Gophers! I see that your second lobotomy finally took hold. I show a clear pattern of unpredictability. I should have BBSed all night... I seen you do the dog, I seen you getting down I shall digitize or die !!! I shot an arrow in the air... And it STUCK! I smell smoke... I remember now / I remember how it started. I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person. I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. I resemble that remark.... I read so much about risks of drinking, I gave up reading I read the DOC's...is this English? I saw it on the radio. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. I said it! Oh! I said it again! I said MAYBE and that's final! I said a BUD LIGHT - Joan of Arc I said copy the disk - not Xerox it! I think, therefore I am (or am I?). I think, therefore I'm overqualified !!! I think I'm gonna, spew. I think, therefore I am... I think. I think I think, therefore I might be. I think I'm gonna, Pray to the porcelain god. I think I'm gonna, Puke. I think I'm gonna, Hurl. I think, therefore I am... I think. I think, therefore I am overqualified. I think I will plan being spontaneous tomorrow I think it was Oscar Wilde who once said... I think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit! I sped up my keyboard & I can't keep up with it! I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite. I still don't remember, why I hated it. I suffer from C R S ... Can't remember sh-t I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now. I started a joke, which set the whole world crying I think I'm gonna, Blow chunks. I think I'm gonna, Barf. I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think. I suppose I'm really, really interested... I take my pet lion to church every Sunday..He has to eat. I think I see a tag line comming... YEP. I  . Music I am firm. You're stubborn. He's pigheaded. I am a mental tourist, My mind wanders! I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. I am he as you are me and we are all together I am That, you are That, all this is That. I am Yogi Bear's Greatest Fan! I am NOT a merry man. -- Worf I am not a pornographer. I don't even own a pornograph. I am not a molecule, I am a free radical! I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I am NOT a criminal --R. Nixon I am not a crook. -- R. Nixon I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly. I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. I am immortal, at least till I die. I am not young enough to know everything. I am schizophrenic, and so am I. I am firm. You're stubborn. He's pigheaded. I am he as you are me and we are all together. I am Locutus of Borg, this tagline is irrelevant. I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket. I am tolerant of your (fruitcake) beliefs. I am so smart I make myself sick. I am still in testing, wait until I am released. I am the root of some evil...send some money. I am committed--or should be. I can name that file in TWO bytes! I can help; my fees are reasonable. I can resist anything but temptation. I can trace my s back 8 generations I can SPELL, I just can't TYPE worth a hoot ! I can eat that taco with 6 squirts of hot sauce. I came. I saw. I stole your tagline. I can't help being me...I was born this way. I can't hear you over all this line noise! I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't diet for medical reasons, it makes me HUNGRY! I can't go to no stonin' today! I am not responsible for advice not taken! I am waiting for my winning Lotto ticket I am tolerant of your (fruitcake) beliefs I avoid cliches like the plague. I am not young enough to know everything. I am so smart I make myself sick. I call things as I see them; If I didn't, I make them up! I bought some batteries, but they weren't included I bought an internal modem, but I can't swallow it. I backed up my hard drive... and smashed into a bus! I believe in L. Ron "Mother" Hubbard. I bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, I can't help it -- I'm a lawyer. I DON'T EAT ANYTHING WITH A FACE! I DID read the manual... I DON'T SPEAK FOR ANYONE INCLUDING MYSELF! I Don't Want The World, I Just Want Your Half. I Came, I Saw, IRAN I Can Bitch, I Voted, Can You? I Came, I Saw, I Left. I HATE it when it does that! I Feel Good. I Feel Better Than James Brown. I Don't do windows. ...I don't have the time! I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW. I Feel Better Now. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE RIDE.... I  my dog, I  my cat, I  my wife :-) I  my dog,  my cat, and I don't  baby seals. Have a  day. I  my wife,I  my cat, I  Med, I  if I do, if I don't I *could* be arguing in my spare time. I  P C I  QEdit! I Call My Horse Flattery Because He Gets Me Nowhere. I CAN'T go to hell, they don't want me. I C what you mean. I AM IN TOTAL CONTROL,but don't tell my wife. I AM NOT CONCEITED! I JUST HATE MORTALS. I BOOTED my computer. Broke my toe! I am Yogi Bear's Greatest Fan! I [] My dog. He [ate] My Cat. I [] My Dog. I [] My Cat. I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent! I ain't broke, just badly bent! I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine. I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [.] my wife ?) I Think I know why they're called roach clips,POT holder was already taken I always watch my speling;sintax, grammer & pointuation I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I kept putting it off... I always use the goodest English. I always have parts left over when working on my car! I always tell the truth. Even if I have to lie to do it. I Have The Best Tagline But Ran Out Of Space! I NEED Kirstie Alley's home phone number. I Love Toxic Waste I Only See In Infrared. I Like to help you out,which way you come in? I Love Animals......They're Delicious! I THOUGHT I WAS WRONG O N C E! (but I was mistaken) I TAUGHT MY DUCK TO SAY ".QWK .QWK" I Saw better conversations in alphabet soup. I REALLY DO I REALLY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS I SWEAR I thought she was 18! I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance. I got an HT for my wife... Good trade! I got a Motie in my eye. I got bread and butter, I got toast and jam ... I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I got mercury poisoning, it's fatal & it don't get better... I got no prob with "Bob" I give up, what is the meaning of life? I had it out with my friend -- Pee Wee Herman I had a handle on life ... then it fell off! I gotta bad feeling about this... I hacked mainframes before there were pc's! I had a thought, and I lost it.. nothing new. I had one just like it ... only different. I feel much better since I gave up hope! I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. I feel the NEED for SPEED!! I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me!! I failed my blood test! I didn't study. I give it 95 for the beat and 98 for the lyrics... I get the news I need on the weather report. I found my thrill on Blueberry (Anita) Hill. I forgot where I left my short term memory! I fought the lawn and the lawn won... I fought the (fjords!) and the (fjords!) won. I drink, therefore I am. I haven't lost my mind, its backed up on tape somewhere. I have not yet begun to byte! I have 100 GB of software, All on 360K floppies! I have NOT lost my mind. It's on disk somewhere! I have more than enough of almost everything. I have no mouth, and I must burp. I have how many macros?!? I have an open mind: My brains keep falling out! I have an important role as a bad example. I have a photographic memory. What's your name again??? I have a speech impediment . . . my foot. I have a stu-stu-stu-stu-stu-stu-stutter! I hang around where the grass is greener... I hate Saturdays I hate Microsoft. Bill Gates is the Great Satan. IMHO. I hate it when that happens! I hate these BLINKING s!! I hate these things. I have come here to kick ascii. I have a list, they will never be missed ... I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it. I hate self-referencing tag lines, like this one... I have a YEN for things like that I have a crank to start my car. She drives me to work,too. I can't remember if I used to know that. I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause... I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lava-try. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I cannot afford to waste my time making money! I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse. I didn't write that! It sounds more like Shakespeare! I didn't lose my mind; it's here somewhere. I didn't do it! It's really San Andreas' fault! I didn't get the documentation for the manuals! I didn't know fish HAD fingers !!! I didn't write this; a very complex macro did. I can't be overdrawn! I still have checks left! I can resist anything but temptation. I can't be out of RAM; I still have hard disk space left! I can count even higher if I take my shoes off. I can do 2 things at once & I'm not confused . I can't remember where I parked my Hard Disk I can't pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend. I can't help it, it's my nature. I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't decide between EDLIN and WordPerfect 5.1........ I can't go to no stonin' today! I drank WHAT?!? - Socrates I don't think Mr. Ranger is gonna like this, Yogi... I don't like money - but it quiets my spirit. I don't think so. Homey don't play dat. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto. I don't have any HIDDEN prejudices! I don't know what I like, but I know what art is. I don't have a solution but I do admire the problem. I don't steal s - I replicate them. I don't want to be literate, I just want to program I don't wanna work,I wanna bang on the drum all day. I don't want a toaster. I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! I do the work of 3 men. Curly, Larry, and Moe!!! I don't like sex on the telly. I keep falling off. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way! I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. I don't care about apathy. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I don't get even, I get Odder!! I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard... I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now! I don't need directions. I need HELP! I don't recall running for this office. I don't think so - Homey the Clown I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up! I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere! I idiot-proof my programs,but along comes a bigger idiot. I know a good tagline when I steal one. I'd like it all automated. I'd like to fly, but I can't even swim. I'd much rather a pitbull 'ride' my leg than eat it. I'd like some JUNK FOOD...then I want to be ALONE. I'd go on welfare, but I'm not used to living that well!! I'd strongly oppose apathy, if I cared I'd put it on my to-do list,but I can't count that high I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise. I'd be smarter if you knew enough to teach me... I'd enjoy the day more if it started later. I'd Say More But I've Run Out of Time & Space. I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrious. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd give everyone a Twinkie, but I'm not a Hostess.. I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous. I'll do it tomorrow, quite calling me a procrastinator! I'll buy THAT for a dollar. I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! I'll have to think twice before I give it a second thought... I'll bet you're wondering who wrote this quote. I'll bite your legs off! I'll be unstopable when I get started... I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom. I'll nibble if you'll byte. I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS... I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having. I'll never forget good o'l what's-her-name I'll never forget good ol' what's-his-name. I'll try anything once too often. I'll drink to that! I'll call you back, my call-waiting's beeping! I'll have what the guy on the floor is having. I'll nibble if you'll byte. I'll be lost in the ozone for a while. I'll byte your bits if you'll nybble my words! I'll be Bach.- Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger I'll try anything once too often. I'll take tuna on rye, hold the mercury. I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead. I'll only bite if you want me to! I'll panic if I bloody well want to....... I'll play fair if I get to make up the rules. I'm not as think as you stoned I am. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not hostile! I'll kill the #%! that said that! I'm not old, just chronologically challenged! I'm not a Sysop, but I play one on TV... I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face. I'm not an acronym... I'm a human being! Err... Oops. I'm not a doctor, although I play one on tv I'm not Schizophrenic! Yes I am! No I'm Not! Who are you? I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T I'm not young enough to know everything I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going! I'm only happy when I worry about stuff. I'm not paranoid. That's a rumor spread by my enemies. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not religious. God willing, I never will be. I'm not prejudiced - I hate everybody equally! I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. I'm not in a hurry; I just want to get in front of you. I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am, Ossifer! I'm not lost - just misguided. I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged". I'm more humble than you are! I'm not a sysop, although I play one on TV. I'm much too young to feel this damned old. I'm not Cheap - Just Frugal. I'm neither for, nor against, apathy. I'm no housewife, try Domestic Engineer! I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T! I'm not 32 , I'm 18 with 14 years experience! I'm not old I'm chronologically disadvantaged. I'm not prejudiced; I hate everybody equally! I'm not sure officer.. He just said FAX ME UP SCOTTIE.. I'm not short, I am Vertically challenged. I'm multitasking, not multiuser. Tell my boss. I'm too sexy for myself. I'm too sexy for this class. I'm tired of being a sex symbol! I'm too sexy for this party. I'm try'n to protect what I keep inside.. I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's I'm telling you, they are EVERYWHERE! I'm sure that I'm confused about being sure.. I'm sorry. Thank you for playing. Next contestant. I'm waiting for Windows v4.0! I'm waiting for the 50 mhz 686. I'm waitin' fo' 20Mb FLOPPIES. Right On! I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. I'm too sexy to read the docs.... I'm trying to find myself. Anyone seen me lately? I'm unsafe at any speed. I'm usually awake near the end of the day. I'm on the see-food diet - see food, eat it! I'm so BAD! I even steal my own s!! I'm so confused.... I'm reading this by the warm glow of my dog. I'm so horny even the crack of Dawn isn't safe! I'm so nervous, yesterday I got a fingernail transplant! I'm only sixteen! I'm too young to be freeze dried! I'm rated PG-34!! I'm outstanding in my field (left field) knee deep in BS I'm sorry. Did you say something? I'm sorry I've been indulging in creative forgetting. I'm sorry, what does 'Off Topic' mean? I'm so horny, even the crack of dawn isn't safe! I'm sorry, you are not cleared for that information. I'm sorry -- my karma ran over your dogma. I'm standing! And I can't fall down! I'm so close to hell I can almost see Vegas! I'm sure that I'm confused about being sure.. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. I'm a licensed Smurf stomper! I'm a single-tasking, single-threaded guy. I'm a doctor, not an Engineer!,You are now. I'm a tagline and I'm okay... I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it. I'm an Omegosh tester. I'm a 5' drive, she has a 3' drive, it'd never work out I'm a belligerent omnivore -- I eat vegetarians. I'm a Loony Tune Muso - What's YOUR Disability????? I'm a single-tasking, single-threaded guy. I'm developing "TAGrophobia" ! I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. I'm excessively annoying. I'm afraid I can't do that Dave.. I'm an Omegosh tester. I'm broad-minded. I hardly think of anything else. I'm bad. I'm nationwide I'm feeling argumentative. Please contradict me! I'm FLYING I'm FLYING! >>THUD<< I'm GREAT at immaturity. I've been practicing for decades. I'm Crazy but not Stupid.. I think.... I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All. I'm Losing More Than I Ever Had. I'm *not* paranoid! (Who wants to know?) I'm BeetleJuice... the Ghostis with the Mostist! I'm Arnold Shwarzenegger's Twin Brother! I'm a perfectionist with other people's work. I'm a 10th generation A.I. holographic computer. I'm not your Mum! I'm a confirmed sexist. I prefer sex! I'm Yankee Doodle Dandee in a Gold Rolls Royce. I'm a modemer and I'm OK, I post all night and I sleep all day. I'm NOT paranoid. Which of my enemies said I was? I'm Proud To Be An Expert Tagline Thief! I'm SO nice, that when I step in it I don't say it. I'm SMOKING the Dragon... I'm more humble than you are! I'm into BBS&M. I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon. I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Dont Walk. I'm just a peripheral visionary. I'm just trying out this . It seems a bit small. I'm having an old friend for dinner -- H. Lecter I'm having one of those decades. I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm here because I'm not all there. I'm having a big bang theory! ---Zippy I'm losing my thought of train.... I'm lost in a Batch of BATs. I'm looking for myself. Anybody seen me lately? I'm mad as heck....where's the check! I'm just trying out this . It's not registered yet. I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon I'm lost in a Batch of BATs. I'm just needling you about the thread I'm feeling homicidal. Say anything! I'm friends of the Daniels brothers..... Jack and Charlie!!! I'm from the government. I'm here to help you. I'm flexible, just don't change anything!! I'm getting better but I forgot the subject!! I'm glad we don't get all the government we pay for. I'm flexible..just don't change anything. I'm firm. You're stubborn. He's pigheaded. I'm from the government. I'm here to help you. I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! --Henry Kissinger I'm gonna wash that yam right outta my hair ... I'm happy as a clam in heat .. in heat ?? I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm hardware and don't know anything about software. I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal. I'm gonna, be making a call on the great white telephone. I'm going to disconnect your brain. I'm getting better! You'll be stone dead in a moment.  I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK  I'M NOT IN A #@#(*) BAD MOOD YOU #@#@(* @#@*&#(@ I've got to take a break or I'll start talking to myself! I've got morals; I just don't know where they are. I've got too many hands on my time! I've had BETA days ... and nights!!! I've fallen and I need Stand Up. I've got an Invisible Touch...whatever the hell that is. I've fallen but the stupid button doesn't WORK! I've dialed and I can't hang up! I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken. I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up! I've told you MILLIONS of times, don't exaggerate! I've had a difficult past few lives. I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash. I've never fallen in love...but I stepped in it once! I've had just about all I can take of myself. I've Forgotten MY EZ Password! (*^()*^_ *^(@ I've commited adultery in my heart many times. I've been vaccinated against rabies. *snarl* I've fallen! And I can't reach my BEER! I've fallen! And I don't care! I've GOT one! I have a SPECIAL PURPOSE!! I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. I've crashed and I can't boot up! I've Forgotten MY EZ Password! (*^()*^_ *^(@ I've upped my standards, now UP YOURS! I've committed adultery in my heart many times I've got 1,2,3,4,5 - senses working overtime. I've got a piece of brain lodged in me head! I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken ... I've got a swell idea -- let's put on a show! IBM stands for "Inferior But Marketable" IBM PS/1? A Prodigy Workstation! IBM - Making tomorrow's mistakes Today! IBM - (I)nferior (B)ut (M)arketable. IBM:You can buy better,but you can't pay more ICBM = Start of the daily routine for an Eskimo. Ice not found, pour straight to continue. Icon see clearly now, the pane is gone... Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you. Idiot congressman....Hey! That's redundant. Idiots rise to the level of their incompetency! Idleness is the holiday of fools. If I were you, who'd be me? If I *argue* with you,I must take up a contrary position! If I were dead, I wouldn't be alive! If All Fails, READ THE DOCS ! If (stone != rolling) moss++; If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a Porsche? If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I didn't know now what I didn't know then. If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg If I only had something to do with my life!?! If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs. If At First You Don't Succeed Call The Author. If ET married Peter Cetera, would he then be ET Cetera ? If E=MC, how many watts do my speakers take? If I didn't know now what I didn't know then If $$$ doesn't grow on trees, why are they green? If you didn't know what it was, you wouldn't have called. If you could get there from here you wouldn't want to. If you don't cook you get a raw deal every meal! If you don't care where you're at, you ain't lost! If you don't get it first,you don't get it all If you cannot convince them...confuse them!!! If you come any closer introduce yourself! If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion. If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else. If you have to ask what Jazz is, you'll never know. If you leave the room, you're elected. If you go into heat, package your meat. If you drink, dont park, accidents cause people. If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you don't vote, don't complain... If you don't know the answer....make one up! If you look closely at Gorbachev's head, you'll see our number. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. If your behind is in front, you turned around! If your cow doesn't give milk, sell _him_. If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it. If you're 1 in 1 million, there's 2500 of you. If you want your name spelt wrong, die. If you wish to know more, press CTRL-ALT-DEL. If your cow, doesn't give milk dairy farming just isn't for you! If your cow, has only one teat dairy farming just isn't for you! If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic. If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough! If you can read this, you're too close. If you ain't got it then you ain't communicatin'. If you can kill a snake with it, it ain't art. If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly. If you want my advice, pay me! If you're not the lead dog, everything looks the same! If your behind is in front, you turned around! If your cow doesn't give milk, sell him! If you're not in NJ, where do you think you are? If you're not a hemmoroid get off my ass! If you're gonna use s, at least write yer own! (c) If you're gonna wake a Tiger - use a LONG STICK! If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down. If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. If I had a Life I would be living it. If I had known it was harmless I would have killed it myself. --PKD If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off. If you want your name spelt wrong, die. If you see any misspelled words it HAS to be line noise. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - SW If you say nothing no one can make you repeat it If you push something hard enough... If you prick me, do I not... leak? If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk? If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast! If you think education is expensive, try ignorance! If you want peace, work for justice If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone. If you want my advice, pay me! If you want it, press [esc] now! If you think that you are sweet, take off your jock & smell the seat!! If you wait, it will go away. If you pay peanuts, do you get monkeys? If I had two dead mousies, I'd give you one ... If it is to be, it is up to me. If it isn't good, may it be struck by lightning. Again! If it has tits or tires, you'll have trouble with it. If it don't cook, it ain't jazz. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing. If it looks easy, it's tough... If it works ,rip it apart & find out WHY ! If it weren't for C, we'd all use Pascal, BASIC and COBOL! If it taste good, spit it out, it's bad for you. If it moves so SLOW, why is it called Rush Hour? If it ain't broke, kick it harder! If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it looks tough, it's impossible. If it looks like a fly & tastes like a fly -- If it looks easy, it's tough. If it works, Don't fix it. If it's glowing, don't eat it... If it's useless and does nothing, call it v1.0 If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. If it's not violent.. WHAT FUN IS IT? If it's not music I don't want to hear it! If it works, it must be obsolete. If it's BLUE and doesn't work, it's the Air Force! If only AT&T knew what I was do&%$m6% NO CARRIER .... If nothing can go wrong, something will ! If not for us, you might have done something constructive. If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond? If sex is a pain in the butt, you're doing it wrong. If seeing is believing, some skeptics wouldn't look. If screwups were dollars, I'd be a millionaire!! If nobody uses it, there's a reason. If my disk crashes do I require autoexec insurance? If it's fixed, don't break it! If it's dirty, it belongs here! If it's Tourist Season why can't we shoot 'em?? If it's Monday it must be meatloaf! If it's in stock, we've got it! If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws! If life is a bowl of cherries, throwing stones is ok. If life is a rat race, the rats are winning. If life deals you a bad hand, asks for a reshuffle!! If it isn't borken, don't fix it. If it is to be, it is up to me. If Version 1.0 works someone goofed... If This Is Hell - Where Are the Lawyers??? If PRO<>CON is Congress the Opposite of Progress? If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. If Windows sucked it would be good for something. If You Smoke After Sex, You're Doing It Too Fast!!!! If anything -can't- go wrong, it will. If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? If You Choose Not To Decide You Still Have Made A Choice If It's Bug Free, It's Time to Make Changes. If Iraq invaded Turkey from the rear would Greece help? If I only had one more teragigadactylbyte.. If I only had something to do with my life!?! If I now have egg on my face, please pass a washcloth! If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. If I save the whales, where will I keep them? If I save time, when do I get it back? If I were you, who'd be me? If I were two faced, would I wear this one? If I were dead, I wouldn't be alive! If I was human I would..Wait a minute! I AM Human If at first you don't succeed, give up. If at first you dont succeed.. read the book! If it ain't broke, you CAN'T fix it! If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane! If everyone lived forever, where would we all park!? If it ain't broke, break it! If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it has TITS or TIRES, you gonna have trouble with it. If it doesn't, paint it! If it doesn't work, it's physics. If it doesn't move, NEEDLEPOINT it! If computers save time, when do we get it back? If at first you don't succeed, you're about normal. If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If at first you don't succeed, CHEAT! If at first you don't succeed, *.* & forget it If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once. If at first you don't succeed - so much for skydiving. If at first you don't succeed, blame the computer! If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 1.0... If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence. If at first you don't succeed, *.* & forget it If speed scares you, try Micro$oft Windows. If I knew what was in it, I probably wouldn't eat it. If they don't pay ya', SUE THE BASTARDS!!! If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawn mower If they can't take a joke....fuck 'em. If there is any way to do it wrong, he will.-Ed Murphy If the shoe fits, it's not government issue. If the world is a stage, I have stage fright! If this statement wasn't here,This space would be left intentionally blank If this were an actual , it would be funny. If voting could bring change, it would be illegal. If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy! If u cn rd ths u shld sy no 2 drgs ! If tree fell on florist, would he make sound? If this were the Soviet Union you'd be reading this in Russian. If the shoe fits, buy it. - Imelda Marcos If the people lead, the leaders will follow. If the thunder don't get you ... If the world is a stage, I have stage fright! If the shoe fits, buy it. - Imelda Marcos If the people lead, the leaders will follow. If the boys wanna fight you'd better let 'em. If the limit was 250, there'd be no speeders... If the world is a test, we must be the bugs. If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. If this were an actual , it would be funny. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU. If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawnmower. If there wasn't divorces, where would we get waitresses? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane. If we don't raise 8 million dollars, God is going to kill us. If you get to the end, who cares about the means? If you have an opinion we'll FLAME it. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you don't want it to - it CAN happen. If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. If you leave the room, you're elected. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? If you think Windows is slow, try Norton DeskTop! If you push something hard enough... If you prick me, do I not... leak? If you order extra cheese on a pizza do you really get it? If you don't get it first,you don't get it all. If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost! If you are searching for yourself. Find a mirror first! If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. If worms carried 45's, what would the early bird do?? If winning isn't important; then why keep score? If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER? If you can't document it, it isn't true. If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. If you can't keep it up, move over! If you can't get a job, get a senate appointment!!! If you can't fix it call it a feature. IF TAGLINE = STOLEN THEN Insult(Thief) IF KidsPerFamily > 2 THEN Ecological.Crime = TRUE IF YOU DON'T DRIVE...DRINK. IF IsStolen. THEN GOTO InsultThief IF %PRICE%!==LIST! KEEP SHOPPING. If(ThisDay()!=MyDay)DosSleep(UntilNextDay); ifyoucanreadthisyou'retooclose Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouts. IFYOUCANREADTHISYOU'REOBVIOUSLYTOOCLOSETOMY. Igloo [n], Material used to keep an ig from falling apart. Ignorance is temporary - Stupidity is forever Ignorance kills daily. Ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care. Ignorance is where learning begins... Ignorance is bliss... so life's great if you are ignorant Ignorance is temporary; Stupid is forever. Ignore your health and it will go away. Ignore the man behind the screen. Ignore the last few lines, the writer's a musician! Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! Illiterate? Write today for free help. Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure... Im looking for an Al, last name Choholic.. Im Bart Simpson.. who the hell are you? - Bart Simpson Im a doctor, not a magician! -- Bones McCoy Im FLYING Im FLYING! >>THUD<< Imagination is more important than knowledge! Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality! Imagination-Inspiration for a resourceful Mind. Immoral Majority Charter Member. IMPIETY: Your irreverence toward my deity. ImpLode, UpLode, DownLode, ExpLode! Impossible - adj. Nailing Jello to a tree. Imprisoned in .QWK file! Send the ZIP army! In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal In WW III, all men will be cremated equal. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In case of rapture, please grab the wheel. In ((STEREO)) where available. In Case of Fire, Log off Promptly. In God we trust you pay in gold. In every revolution there is one man with a vision. In the fight between you and the world, bet on the world - F. Zappa In the game of life, father time always wins In the winter you lose your body; in the summer you lose your mind. In this business, you either lead, follow or get the hell out of the way. In the tickling and the trembling of freeze tag In the pursuit of distortion-free AUDIO! In case of emergency read manual. In the dark, all cats are gray. In the end Gravity Wins.. Dolly Parton.. In waking a tiger, use a long stick. In tabulario donationem fect. In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap. In search of the perfect . In plumbing, a straight flush is better than a full house! In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it. In stereo (where available). IN THE COMPUTER ROOM, no one can hear you SCREAM! Inaccuracy can save a lot of explanation. Inane tagline found. Abort, Retry, Swipe a better one. Incest should stay in the Family. Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF Incoming fire has the right of way. Incongruous -- Where U.S. laws are made. Indecision is the basis for flexibility. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Indecision Clouds My Vision. INDIAN Cuisine is a challenge, eat it often! Individualists unite! Inevitability is my first goal as a writer. Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another. Inflation has gone up about a dollar a quart. Inflation is a result of legalized counterfeiting. Innuendo: Italian for 'suppository'. Innuendo: Italian for where you hang your curtains. Inquiring minds already think they know! Inquiring minds couldn't care less! Insanity is all in the mind Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your kids. Insanity is fun if you do it right. Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. Insert Witty Tagline Here ... Inside every fat person is a thin person. The fat one ate him. Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Install failed: Attempting to transfer virus to c: Installation recommended (not included). Insufficient memory for Mackintosh users. Insufficient resourses : insert Wallet into drive A: ... Intelligence Incarnate. Intense : Where campers hang out. Intentionally concentrating and inhaling the vapors can be harmful. Interchangeable devices won't. Interchangeable devices won't. InterLink Shareware conference moderator. International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves Into your heart it will creep. Invertebrate punster - so slug me! Invertebrates make no bones about it. Iow-a, Iow-a, it's off to space I go-a.... IQ Error: Brain Not Ready (A)bort (R)etry (F)orget it.. Iraq-nophobia...Never! IRAQ: Went in, kicked ass, then got the hell out! Iraq's national Bird: DUCK! Iraqi rifle for sale... Never fired... Dropped once. Iraqi Bingo: B-52...F-16...M-1...F-18...F-117...A-10... Irresponsible Rip-Off Service. IRS: Please be seated; read your rights while we audit your return. Is the register better or the times? Is that a banana in your pocket, or you happy to see me? Is sex in a cornfield, PORN on the cob? Is it just me, or is my monitor breathing? Is that Hemorrhoids or am I sitting on a bunch of grapes? Is it 'Flow Control' or 'wolF lortnoC' Is this the right room for an argument? Is this what you intend to do with your life? Is there a patient in the house? Is this some more of that Trombonist's humor? Is there a tax exemption for codependents? Is virus a 'micro' organism? Is There Intelligent Life in the Universe? Is Darth Vader YOUR father, too? Is OS/2 only half an operating system? Is :-> a C++ operator or what? Is "Floppy" one of the seven dwarfs? Is death legally binding? Is THAT all, Bernard Goetz? Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn... Is acid rain really a form of hippy manna? Is an idiotic sergeant a noncompoop? Is beer like Champagne? Is a Transcontinental Auto Trip a Hard Drive? Is This Where a "" Goes? IS anyone out THERE HELLO,HELLO Isn't shrimp on a Barbie a bit kinky? Isn't damn Yankee one word? Isn't that special. Isn't it interesting that IRANGATE Proves crooks go free? It stinks more every time you run over a skunk. It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea. It only rang twice...then the dog answered.. It only works when you're not looking. It said, "Insert Disk #3", but only 2 would fit It shall be said: He died as he had lived: In his sleep. It may be GUI but you still can't eat it! It matters not so much what you sing, but why --- J.S. Bach It just won't break, chip, or split. It looks just like a Telefunken U-47. It looks like a flying purple people eater! It may be GUI but you still can't eat it! It slices, it dices. It takes a long time to understand nothing. It was a stark and dormy night ... It was a dark and stormy byte... It went *ZAP* when it fired. It won't work. It works better if you plug it in THEN turn it on! It was SUPPOSED to be a surprise. It was supposed to be so easy... It takes years to become an overnight success. It tasted so good the first time, I brought it back up for an encore. It used to be so easy... It was a glitch and - IT'S GONE! I'm back! It just doesn't get any better than this. Ok, maybe it does... It it ain't broke, let me have a shot at it. It doesn't work, but I'm working on it.... It did WHAT? - Well, it's not *supposed* to do that. It don't get much better than this folks. It goes in, it must come out. It got better when the Swedish Bikini Team came. It changed my life, it was good, the end. It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES ! It IS the heat!! It Is Better To Copulate Than Never. It all makes sense if you take every other word... It always happens, but we never expect 'the unexpected' It has no advantage to argue with the teacher. It has no punch lines. It is better to wear out than to forget. It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night. It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. Nah! It is when I struggled to be brief that I became obscure. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. It is a conspiracy. It is bad luck to be superstitious. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. It works better if you plug it in. IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP It'll be in v2.9....I promise!!!! It's hard to type when you gotta go Baaaad... ummmmm... It's either very early or very late. It's impossible to keep tabs on blondes, so use VISA! It's just a jump to the left.......... It's called getting it in the NEC. It's deja vu all over again. It's easier to do good then be good. It's been Monday aaaaaaaaallllllll week! It's never too late to have a happy childhood! It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland either. It's never as easy as you think. It's my party and I'll Snubb who I want! It's my birthday today! Hooray. It's kind of fun doing the impossible. It's not a Mystery Reader anymore. It's STILL not weird enough for me!!! It's The First MOOD RING : It's Easier to Put on Slippers. Then To Carpet The World. It's 11pm, do you know where your modem is? It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is? It's 10PM, Do you know where your software is?? It's Wise To Know Enough To Not Know Too Much It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,... It's always darkest at the top of the stairs. It's always harder to pave the way for others! It's always darkest right before you step in dog mess! It's alive Jim, but not as we know it! It's a sky blue sky. Satellites are out tonight. It's as EZ as 1-2-3 HA! It's a Board! It's a plane! It's A, aah, A, aah, aw, screw it... It's just a jump to the left.......... It's just like life. Only more so. It's kind of fun to do the impossible. It's like having Kim Bassinger and a cattle prod AT THE SAME TIME! It's great to do nothing and rest afterward. It's great AND less filling. It's easier to do good then be good. It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser It's funny because *I* said it! It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. It's my idea 'cause I stole it first! It's not a virus - it's been Windows It's not just a hobby, it's an adventure! It's not just a BBS...it's an adventure. It's not a bug, it's a feature! (Marketing 101) It's not a Bug, it's a hidden and seldom used feature. It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice. It's not a BBS, but it plays one on TV. It's not a BBS, it's a concept. It's colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra on the 12th of January! It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.... It's a gnarly day in the neighborhood... It's a probable twelve to seven... It's a sky blue sky. Satellites are out tonight. It's a dead man's party...Who could ask for more? It's a chain saw. I always carry one for emergencies. It's not a bug, it's a feature. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,... It's a busy life in Camelot: It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. It's a state of mind. It's back...and it's got a gun. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. It's called getting it in the NEC It's always darkest when the light bulb has blown. It's always someone else's problem anyway ... It's alive, it's alive...muhahaha! It's all a conspiracy. It's always darkest before you step on the cat. It's not just a job, it's a BBS. It's not a black or a white thing... It's a death thing! It's Alive. Well, not REALLY, but it was pretty scary, huh. It's Abby Normal's brain! It's 1000. Do you know what time it is? It's Late. Go To Sleep. It's NOT the principle of the thing, it's the money. It's Time For NATIONAL REFERENDUMS Instead Of Politicians It's O.K., they're speaking Chinese. It's the battle of the wigwams and the fighting's intents. It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a It's not just a hobby, it's an adventure! It's not if you win or lose, but how you place the blame. It's not my FAULT. It's not my planet monkeyboy. It's on the way, yes it is. It's not pretty being easy. It's not just a phone line, it's $5.70 a month. It's Wise To Know Enough To Not Know Too Much It's probably a bad day when, you find a dead fish in your underwear. It's someone else's fault! It's sunning cats and dogs. It's who you look like, not who you are. It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point. It's not just for breakfast anymore. It's not my FAULT It's not pretty being easy. It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill... It's only cheating when you get caught! It`s not how hard it rains but how fast you drive. Itch for fame? Use powder daily. Its not a bug, its an undocumented feature. Its not for everyone, so what are you doing here Its like 'safe sex'....only SAFER! Its fatal to be appreciated in one's own time. Its never as easy as the manual says it is! Its GOOD to be the King! (Mel Brooks) Its a dogma-eat-dogma world! Itseemsalittlecrowdedinheredontyouthink? Ive got a lot of honey on my nose. Ive been dead before. - Cpt. Spock 't b sv WH BTHR Japan says your illiterate. Japanese Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea." Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Jeffrey Darmer is a smoker. They found a pile of butts in his house! Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook: A Farewell to Arms. Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook: How to cook with Heard and Soul. Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook: How to get a head in refrigeration. Jeffrey Dahmers Cookbook: Shortcuts to becoming a Head Chef. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: BOB-B-Que. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: BABY Back Ribs. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Baked Alaskan. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: ART's Choked Heart. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Scrambled Legs. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Eyesburg Lettuce. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Beans and FRANK. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Shisk-K-BOB. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Elbow Macaroni. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: VINCE Meat Pie. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Fillet O'FRED. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Handburger. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Brown Knees. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: CHUCK's Roast. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Head Lettuce. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Finger Sandwiches. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Rump Roast. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Kidney Pie. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Moo Goo Guy in a Pan. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: PETER Bread. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Screamin' SAMMY Sausage. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Mixed Nuts. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Leg O'SAM. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Rice a RONNIE. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Icebox Surprise Pie. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Manwich. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Tongue Sandwich. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Sloppy JOE. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: TERRY Aki. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Sum-Yun-Guy. Jeffrey's favorite recipes: Spaghetti and Pete's Balls. Jellybeans and windex are essentially evil. Jerry Brown loves Ronald Reagan. Jesus saves, passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores! Jesus Saves - not on my salary he doesn't. Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes. Jesus Saves --at First National Bank Jesus saves, Moses earns, but the Mongol Hordes Jesus Saves - not on my salary he doesn't. Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked! Jesus Saves... but Moses invests! JESUS SAVES; the rest of us better make backups. Jim, you don't ask GOD for his ID! Jim, I'm a doctor not a prostitute! Jim, I'm a programmer, not a paeologist! :-> Jimi Hendrix's modem was a Purple Hayes. Jimmy Pearson for Kansas State Executioner! Jimmy Dean --- Rebel Without a Sausage. Joe Biden writes these quotes down...I wonder why? Joe, did you get Jean's ansi figured out yet? Joe's Morgue you kill'em we chill'em! Joe's crematorium u kill'em we grill'em! Joe's Moturary: You Stab 'Em, We Slab 'Em! Joggers and zodiacs and darts, WTF! Johnson & Johnson : ۰ "ouch" Join the joyride! Join s Anonymous. We can help. Join the Athletics conference today! Join s Anonymous. We can help. Jose Canseco - role model for the '90's??? Jumbo Shrimp?! Let's think about that. Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise .. Junior, quit playing with your floppy! Junk software doesn't require MNP transfers Junk: Stuff we throw away. Stuff: Junk we keep. Just another useless, unnecessary tagline! Just another random quote. Just 'cause it won't work; YOU think its buggy Just My Opinion (But I'm Right!) Just another prisoner of gravity!! Just crank it up! Just because your paranoid, Dont mean there not after you Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating Just call on me, and I'll send it along....... Just a RIME without a reason..... Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade... Just for the taste of it, Diet Coke" -C. Thomas Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here. Just exactly how much 'Whiz' is in Cheese Whiz? Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale... Just like '976-TALK', only better and cheaper. Just checking if you're busy... Just jiggle it a little, it'll open. Just lie back and enjoy it. Just one more compile and I'll come to bed... Just another dull moment in S.MR Just Visiting This Planet . . . Just pretend it's a VAX. Just remember, CAPTAIN Riker's never lost. Just a shameless ascii thief... Just My Opinion (But I'm Always Right!) Just some extemporaneous personal communication Just wait until I reply to YOUR reply! Just slightly ahead of it's time. Just say NO! to Pc Tools... Just 'cause it won't work; YOU think its buggy. Just because you say it doesn't make it true. Just a lil angel with a dirty face. Just a little pin-prick... there'll be no more... Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale Just say NO! to Pc Tools... Just nod if you can hear me. Just outside the realm of reality, and somewhat west of Jersey. Just crank it up! Just doing time on plaet Earth... JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING DAVE? JUST ANOTHER INMATE IN THIS ASYLUM! JVC-the Northgate of the VCR world Keep out of reach of children. Keep your city clean...eat a pigeon. Keep honking...I'm reloading Keep it where it belongs, Not where you want it! Keepin' up with the joneses is killin' me Kennedy Cab&Catering - for the party & ride of a lifetime. Kennedy Compound -KEEP OUT- trespassers will be VIOLATED! Keptin, a Romulan Wessel ahead!' 'A _wessel_, Mr.Chekov?' Kermit the frog meets Xmodem the bird... Keyboard not found...THINK F1 to Continue. Keyboard not attached. Press F10 to continue Keyboard: device used to enter errors into the computer. Keyboard: a device for entering mistakes into a computer. Khristmas Karol with a K? Kill-9,do NOT pass go,do NOT collect $200... Kill the extremists. Kill What You Can't Understand. Kill two birds with one stone? What happend to shotguns? Kill the wabbit!!! Kill the wabbit!!! KILL IT..before it sucks the chrome off! KILL the s.o.b. - THEN count to 10. Kill'em All ... Let God Sort Them Out. KILROY was here. Kirk to Enterprise - beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack Kiss my ASCII. KissimmeE-FL--A-ReaL-MickY-MousE-TowN- Klaatu barada niktu-Gort,Ive fallen and I cant get up Klaatu Barada Nicotine!!! Kleenex Von Trapp: The Sound of Mucous. Knock firm but softly. I like soft firm knockers! Know what I like about Windows? Not a damn thing. Know why they're roach clips,POT holder was already taken! Know what I mean? Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge!  Know of what you speak, speak of what you know! Knowledge is knowing that you don't know. Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers. Known to be addictive. Kotex not best thing in world, but next to it. KOTEX - a radio station in Texas. Kvack, Kvack! --Duck speaking with a Swedish accent.