It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.

If Yoda a great Jedi master he is, why not a good sentence construct can he?

People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.

HeÕs dead, JimÉ You take his tri-corder and IÕll search his pockets.

I donÕt like the Smacks cereal commericals; I donÕt like the idea of a frog jumping on my breakfast.

All things are possibleÉ except for skiing through a revolving door.

Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get him.

Losing your driverÕs license is just GodÕs way of saying ŌBOOGA, BOOGA!Ķ

If you love a thing of beauty, set it free. If it doesnÕt come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least IÕll always have each other.

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Is Sonny really kookoo for Cocoa Puffs, or is he just being paid to say that?

Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  Yes is the answer.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Those who can't write, write manuals.

The brain is a wonderful organ:  it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.

You'd be paranoid too if everybody hated you.

All generalities are false.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Duct tape is like the Force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.

Cole's Law:  Thinly sliced cabbage.

Things are more like they used to be than they are now.

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.

It has been said that we only use 15% of our brain.  I wonder what we do with the other 75%?

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

If you have a difficult task, give it to someone lazy ... that person will find an easier way to do it.

You know it's going to be a bad day when your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.