\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' //////////////// .ao0.////////// \\\\\\ YOOOOO000b.\\\\\ YOOOOO00000@@@@@//// dOO000@//////// \\\\\ YOOO0000@@@b\\\' YOOO00000@@@@@P// dOOO000@D////// \\\\ OO0000@@@@@b' / OO000P///////// dOOO000@P///// \\ O000P'\Y@@@@D/// O0000q///////// OO000@P///// ' 0000\\\\Y@@@D/// 00000@@@@@////// 000@@@@q/ Editor: 0000Q\'d@@@@D/// 0000@@@@@P//////// @@@@@@@. Access Denied 000@@@@@@@@P'/// 000@@P//////////// .d@@@@@D X Marks The d00@@@@@@@P'//// d00@@@a///////// d@@@@@@@@@' Shit d00@@@@@@P'///// d00@@@@@@//////// @@@@@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\ Y@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\\\\ Y@'\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ /////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t - Presents - Issue #58 Date: 5/30/96 Title: The Plan Author: Dementia Praecox The Plan [Editor's Note: This also appeared one sunny afternoon on a local board. -AD] VT> Blah. Anyway, let me know what you think. Well, I think that lurking somewhere on the fifth mirror dimension of our own (known as Ruwrock 3), there is an entire race of intelligent beings (fine, they resemble chickens, but so what?) whose sole purpose in life is to somehow cross over the planar boundaries and try to posess the entire human race. And let's not even BEGIN to think that their methods are destined to be some outright, blatant forced takeover. Oh, no, they've been planning far too long to let THAT kind of thing happen. Absolutely not. They've been planning this bastard for generations. It'll start out simple, undoubtedly. First, some farm out in the middle of nowhere, where they'll posess the soul of a young girl playing outside in the fields, going about her own business of dancing among the daisies. They'll corrupt her like a terminal illness, turning her innocent, childish thoughts to those of the darker sides of animal maturbation. Then, once they've turned her into some depraved, retched sex animal, they'll send her back to the farm, and take over the whole entire family. But, don't think that these poor folks are of any major significance. Their just the test group. They'll stay with just this group for a bit, learning not only how to manipulate and use humans to perfection , but also how to fool everyone else, to deceive the rest of the human race. Now it's time to put plan B in motion, the big one. This is stage two, where they take over a corporation. Since they've been planning so long, they'll know exactly which one is ripe for the picking for their demented, twisted plans for bi-dimensional domination. In case you haven't guessed there is no doubt in my mind of the one they will pick, the Quaker company. Who would suspect that behind the eyes of the Quaker guy who stares out at them during breakfast of oatmeal or Captain Crunch(c) of Life(c) (all flavors) lies an accursed, foul race of beings planning to move in and take over in one giant act of dimensional warfare? Certainly not the comfortable, sleepy citizens of the world who have lived in too much comfort for far too long. What a ghastly plot! For through the Quaker corporation, they'll have a direct link to all of corporate America, and from there, the American government (seeing as how everyone in the greater Washington D.C. metro area starts the day with a healthy breakfast, just as Wilford Brimley instructs them to). After that, the options are limitless! They'll spread across the Earth like some twisted parody of Captain Trips. Virtually overnight, they'll have annihilated the free thought of billions of people. Then they'll just move on in. Well, that's not right! We've got to take action now, dammit. I propose that we boycott, no, place an absolute embargo on anything and everything that has even the most remote connection to the Quaker corporation. We'll beat those bastards at their own game before they've even had a chance to start! We'll really catch them with their pants around their ankles this time! No mindless possession for me, thank you very much! And while we're at it, I also propose the immediate destruction of all agricutural life and anything involved with farming. Even now, those chicken-like soulsuckers could be test-marketing their own evil minds on the innocent country bumpkins at the corners of the Earth. Besides, isn't it time we all modernized ourselves anyways?! I mean, come on, LIVE on a FARM?! Isn't the city good enough for you fucking backwoods, cousin-screwing, i.q. of 6.5 (if you're lucky) bastards?!?@! FUCK YOU! If you choose to lead some anti-modernization movement, we'll take you on, bitch! We'll fuckin take your asses through the wash too, so don't even step, 'g, or I'm gonna grab my nine and pop some caps in yo' white ass. That's what I thought, bitch. Sheeeeeeit. Peace out. Well, that's pretty much sums up my position. later. .dp. Find DFS On These Fine Systems (When they're up...) ========================================================================== | Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ | | Temporary Insanity +1.414.666.W00T DFS Affiliate HQ | | Arcane Asylum +1.414.PSY.CHOS DFS Thingy HQ | | | | FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS | | HTTP - http://www.execpc.com/~adenied | | | See, it's like this. I don't call out, so I don't know if any of my | | distros are still up. So they're all GONE! If you want to be a site | | mail Access Denied at adenied@execpc.com or call Paradise Lost. | | | | ASCII Art by Incarnate | | | | To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. 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