GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e , I n c o r p o r a t e d Presents: __ __ 55555555555 999999999 _____ ____ _| |__| |_ 55 9999 9999 // | \ |_ __ _| 55 999 999 || ____ | || | | | | | 5555555555 9999 9999 || || \ / | || | _| |__| |_ 555 9999999999 \\___// \/\/ |____/ |_ __ _| 555 999 |__| |__| 55 555 999 555555555 999 "The Deluded Ravings of a Madman" by The Mad Screamer ----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #59 ----- ----- release date: 03-17-98 ----- The press can't seem to get their stories right about SGP (SkankyGwynethPaltrow). They can't decide who to link her to romantically -- Matt Damon or Ben Affleck -- which is just another indication that everybody is getting snowed. In any case, in regards to MD, I couldn't give two shits and a rip roaring rats ass about MD. That little "pretty boy" -- and I do emphasize the "quotes" around him. . . because if he is pretty, my rosy red ass is a bajo! He looks like what shows up on the Charmin after I wipe my ass. He's got a deformed looking face -- like he never made it out of puberty. His nose doesn't fit his right eye, which is -- like -- a different size than his left eye, which doesn't fit his mouth and chin, which obviously have been chopped on by Edward Scissorhands. Plus, and perhaps most offensive of all, is the fact that he's got an orgy of black moles all over his face, neck, and body -- that's why he and Minnie Driver made such a great couple -- together they had a whole army of moles -- enough to take Rome after a six month seige. Oh, and isn't it all so fucking cute how the media thinks it's so damn darling that he dates his costars and dumps them the instant the director calls "wrap!" And while we're on that subject, I have posed the theory that he is stupid at FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON levels and probably a sexual deviant by the sexual company he keeps. Check out who he's been associated with in the past year: Claire Danes -- who is so dog-ass ugly now that I will not watch her in anymore movies because every time someone says her name, I think of a random real-life photo she was in for PREMIERE's feature on THE SHITMAKER last nov. - that literally made me want to vomit the first time I saw it. She looked so hideous that I did not recognize her until I read the caption and going even a step further, I am ashamed to say that if someone (Matt Damon's publicist, say) shoved a pistol in my mouth and said, "You have to choose: Claire Danes or the Kracken that Aarom performed sexual favors on, davors so perverse that I feel I can't discuss it," I would never think twice about choosing the Kracken. (Now I'm going to have to go take a shit to purge myself of these horrific impurities). Minnie Driver: a bigger whore than MD, although probably a better actor (and that's not saying much because I want to put a bullet in Minnie Driver's head every time she acts -- with the exception of GROSSE POINT BLANK, of course). She fucked JCusack on GPB, Christian Slater on the FLOOD (now HARD RAIN) -- which incidentally -- I hope she now has a scorching case of herpes because rumor is that CSlator has a bad flaming case of it -- that's what Howard Stern said, anyway, last summer. Now let's suppose for a moment that she sucked Slater's dick, ok, and she gets a scorching case of lip sore-like herpes symplex-5 outbreak on her face, dare I say that that would be an immediate and violent improvement in her looks. MDriver has the face shape of an alien and the skin quality of a hornytoad. She looks like she has scales on her face and arms, only they are of the wanna-be chameleon variety because they accentuate her vast stellar array of moles. Anyway, I'm actually fairly disappointed that MD broke up with her after GOODWILLBULLSHIT because if they had propagated, their child would look like a disfigured Lizard King and could be donated to science for testing. SGP: I'm not going there. I've covered that ground before in far more effective ways than this present rampage, so i'll let her go except to say that she is by far the most vile and disgusting of these three. She makes Claire Danes look like Elizabeth Hurley. I would rather cut off my dick than even think about having sex with her. Besides, she looks like a sack of bones that fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch one the way down, where, upon impact, she was pulverized by an army of ugly stick-wielding mercenaries beating her senseless enough to date someone as sickeningly ugly as Brad Pitt in his face before a meteor fell from the sky and smashed her into the ground, damning her to look like one of the resurrected corpses from EVIL DEAD. I'm terrified that I'll actually meet SGP one day because if I do, I know that I won't be able to refrain from blurting out, "So who did the special effects for your face? That look is worthy of a traveling carnival." So to sum up, clearly any man who could nail half the beautiful women in America and chooses not one, but all of those three degenerate pigs is borderline psychotic in his sexual deviance and just plain foolish. And I just realized that after all this talking, I haven't even touched upon what I think of Matt Damon. Well, that'll just have to wait for another tirade because i'm tired and want to go to sleep. -The Mad Screamer (a.k.a. "The Great American Drugstore") ----- ADDENDUM: Anyone who doubts the ravings of the Madman can go fuck themselves. Check out what was in the news today: Damon Dumped Driver - NEW YORK (Reuters) - Matt Damon is one of the hottest young actors in Hollywood but the New York Post says he has a lot to learn about handling romantic relationships. The newspaper says Minnie Driver, Damon's co-star in "Good Will Hunting," found out that she was being dropped as his girlfriend when he announced it on "Oprah." The Post says Damon was asked if he had a girlfriend and responded with a "no." The Post says a few days later Damon and Driver were both at the Golden Globe awards and that she broke down in tears during the night. Nonetheless, a Driver representative says she and Damon are still "good friends." [The above rant is the work of The Mad Screamer, who is solely responsible for its content. The Mad Screamer is, however, very knowledgeable about the world of Hollywood and film. The rant does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff nor the editorship of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime," its publishing company, GwD,Inc., or any subsidiary or affiliate thereof. That is not to say that it definitely does not reflect the vies of any of the aforementioned - it merely does not NECESSARILY reflect their views. This work was, however, translated into Spanish under direct orders from Fidel Castro to be broadcast as a voice-over for an entertainment segment on Cuban television.] ----------------------------------------------------------- www =-= http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2334/index.html (The GwD WebSite) http://solice.iglobal.net/chaos/ (Chaos, the Web-BBS) http://www.snakeden.org/ (The Snake's Den) ftp -=- gwd.snakeden.org /pub/GwD/ ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Greeny/ ftp.dto.net /pub/zines/gwd/ telnet =-= solice.iglobal.net (Chaos, the real BBS) bbs.snakeden.org (log-on to da Den!) e-mail -=- gwd@geocities.com (Subj: subscribe GwD) BBS =-= The Snake's Den - (806)793-3779 -- damn right it's still dial-in * GwD, Inc. - P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas 79490 * -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart." - H.L. Mencken -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -+- F Y M -+- GR33NY LIK3S mash3d p0tat03s /---------------\ copyright (c) MCMXCVIII by The Mad Screamer/GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER: GwD Task Force copyright (c) MCMXCIII by Lobo Licious : GwD : All rights reserved \---------------/ GwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwDGwD59