$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #209 $$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt. $$$$P $$$$ x$$$$ $$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$. $$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$ $$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$' $$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P' $$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %% $$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %% >> "Boobie the Pig" << by -> Kraftwerk ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ED: "boobie! you gert down hare! i need joo to pull my plow!!!" "BOOBIEEEEE!!!! BOOBIE!!!!! HERE BOOBIE BOOBIE BOOBIE!" MA: "Ed, what's all that racket! how am i supposed to knit this sweater for the chicken if you're screaming at the top of your lungs like that???" ED: "Sorry, ma! I jurst need ol' Boobie to come and pull this here plow!" [ Edgar, setting out in search of the elusive Boobie, heads for the barn. ] ED: "Now Boobie, you come out here right this instant!" [ We hear an angry grunt from underneath the trough. ] ED: "Boobie, if you don't come out right this instant, you will never get your slop again!" BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt grunt, snort snort, grunt! ED: "you don't give me no lip, young lady! i don't care if you _do_ think you have herpes, you're-a pulling this here plow! BOOBIE, THE PIG: gruntttt!! grunt grunt, squealllll!!! [ Hearing this vile epitaph, brave ed attempts to pull boobie from the barn! ] ED: "what in the 9 hells have you been eatin', woman!" BOOBIE, THE PIG: squealllllllll#!$#@!$#@! ED: "i'm sorry, boobie! you're not fat, honestly!" BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt. squeal grunt grunt. ED: "Ok, now Boobie, would you _please_ pull the plow?" BOOBIE, THE PIG: grunt. ED: "you're the best, boobie!" [ tra-la-la, ed proceeds to hitch Boobie to the plow, and sets out into the field. ] STRANGER: "Hey there, neighbor. that's a nice lookin' pig." ED: "awww shucks, sir, it's just ma' pig." STRANGER: "Care to sell her?" ED: "You want to buy my Boobie?" STRANGER: "uh, no. i don't want your boobie." ED: "well, then! why'd you ask to buy my pig??" STRANGER: "Because I want to buy your pig, not your boobie." ED: "What?" STRANGER: "do you or do you _not_ want to sell your pig?" ED: "no! you can't buy my Boobie!" STRANGER: "oh, fuck you! you gay, boy???? huh? I don't want your boobies." BOOBIE, THE PIG: SQUEALLLLL$!$#@! GRUNT SQUEALL!$#!@ [ At this point, our heroine pig becomes enraged, and attacks the STRANGER. ] [ In a flash, Boobie jumps 5 feet from the ground in line with the STRANGER'S face, and proceeds to fart in it! ] STRANGER: "EWWWWWWW, A PIG FART! STINKY!!" [ BOOBIE, mortally offended, jumps high into the air again, and put's her curly cute tail... RIGHT THROUGH HIS EYE! ] ED: "Good job, Boobie! now finish that plowin'!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications. HoE #209 -- written by Kraftwerk -- 3/13/98 *