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               >> "Social Darwinism Never Sounded So Good" <<
                                 by -> RM

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      Sometimes the life of a cynical high school student can really be Hell.
 I never cease to be amazed at the stupidity that surrounds me in my everyday
 life.  I look at the homomorphic blobs of meat and blood that are supposed
 to be my peers, and I see inanity, idiocy, and just general dumbassness
 (don't bother grabbing Webster's; I made that word up just now).

      Here's the deal:  there's this guy and this girl that go to school with
 me, unfortunately.  To protect their pathetic lives so that nobody reading
 this will hunt them down and send them a mail bomb to cull the herd, I'll
 call the guy Dipshit and the girl Stinkslit.  Dipshit and Stinkslit have
 been dating since we were all freshmen (we're now juniors).  Dipshit was
 totally pussy-whipped by Stinkslit, despite the fact that she never opened
 her legs wider than .75 cm until about two weeks ago.

      Dipshit isn't really that bad of a guy, but his mind was perverted by
 Stinkslit.  Stinkslit is a complete, genetically thoroughbred psycho-bitch.
 She once got mad at Dipshit for going to the grocery store with another girl
 to buy food for a yearbook party.  She also made Dipshit swear to a
 Shakespearian suicide pact - in the event that they ever broke up, they'd
 both kill themselves.  Dipshit readily agreed, thinking that she might let
 him get some tongue if he went along with it.

      Fast forward to three years later.  We're all juniors, like I said, and
 Dipshit decides that he's had enough of Stinkslit's bullshit.  He
 subsequently dumps her on her pointy little preppy ass and starts going out
 with the girl from the yearbook trip.  Stinkslit is devastated by this
 change of events, and, as agreed earlier, decides to kill herself.  Luckily
 (or unluckily, depending on how you view it), Stinkslit's parents found her
 soon after the deed was done and managed to save her pathetic life.

      People like this make no sense to me whatsoever.  I personally view
 life as a good thing.  I mean, it ain't no bowl of roses or nothing, but the
 alternative seems worse to me.  An existence of futility and struggle seems
 better to me than the oblivion of seeing, feeling, and thinking nothing.  I
 think that anyone who is stupid enough to want to kill themselves for such
 an inane purpose needs to put down the razor and call me first.  Then, I'll
 come to their house and do it for them.

      "Don't kill yourself, please, you stupid cunt.  Let me have the
 pleasure of doing it for you."

      Am I wrong to think this way?  Is it inhumane and unkind for me to be
 so cold toward the devastation caused by affairs of the heart?  I admit that
 my love life so far seems to read like the early biography of Bill Gates,
 but I personally don't give a shit.  No person is worth killing yourself
 over.  I don't care how long you've been together, what it was that drove
 you apart, or how much you loved them.  Life goes on.  More easy lays lie
 ahead.  Get over yourself, eat some comfort twinkies, smoke some dope and go
 to fucking sleep.  It ain't that big a deal.

      I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Social Darwinism was never
 used to its full potential in the late 1800's.  If it had been, we'd have
 culled the herd and gotten rid of all the stupidity in the United States.
 But until people learn that we need to line stupid people up outside the
 White House and let the geniuses of the world have at it with an AK-47
 assault rifle, the world will be full of little Stinkslits, spawning from
 Bath & Body Works stores and acquiring their entire vocabulary from back
 issues of Y&M and Seventeen.

      The cognitive proletariats are rising, my brethren.  And we are
 powerless to stop them.

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       * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #211 -- written by RM -- 3/15/98 *