'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #359 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "The Jerry Springer Show" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Neko !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/19/98 !! !!========================================================================!! Crowd: WOOOOOOOO Jerry: Hello, thank you all for joining us today! Crowd: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! Jerry: Thank you! And thank you for going to see my movie, Ringmaster! Crowd: WOOOOO! Jerry: Thank you, thank you! Let's meet our first guest, Tim. Hello, Tim! Tim: Hello, Jerry. It's a dubious honor to be on your show. Jerry: Heh, well, Tim, let's get to know you a little bit. You've been going out with Julia? for ... ... 6 months now? Tim: Six of the happiest months of my life. Jerry: How did the two of you meet? Tim: I always hung out at this posh Internet cafe called Octane. Julia frequented it as well. We hit things off marvelously and things have gone uphill from there. Jerry: Do you love her? Tim: I love her with my entire soul, Jerry! I'd jump in front of a bullet for her. In fact , I have something for her. Jerry: Well, it sounds like the two of you are serious. You know you're here today to hear something from Julia, so let's bring her out. Jerry: Hello Julia. Julia: Hi Jerry! It's a pleasure to be here. Did I mention I am a misunderstood artist? Jerry: That's great, Julia... Tim know you brought him on the show to tell him something, so I'll leave the two of you alone. Julia: Tim, we've been going out for awhile now... Tim: You're right -- Julia, will you marry me? Julia: Umm, actually, ummm, ummm... Tim: What? Is something wrong, hon? Julia: You see... you remember when I told you about my old boyfriend, Jason? Tim: Yeah, sure, he seemed like a pretty cool guy. Julia: Well, I started seeing him again. Tim: You...you...what!?@ Julia: We've been seeing each other the past 2 months. We've been sleeping together, too. Tim: Fuck you, bitch. Jerry: Well, Julia. I guess he didn't take that very well. Julia: I don't know what the problem is Jerry. Jason is a nice guy, I think he and Tim will get along well. Let's bring out Jason! Jason: Fuck you all, you don't know me! You don't know what it's like! I'm a film maker! I'm misunderstood! My life is hard! Tim: You're such a stupid bitch. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. Julia: Tiiiiim! Don't say that! I love you! Tim: But you're fucking this asshole? Jerry: Jason, calm down and behave yourself. Tim, how do you feel about this? Tim: Well, Jerry, I'm pretty damned surprised. We've been going out for awhile, and, well, she's been getting kind of distant and weird lately, but I didn't see this coming. How could you? Julia: I....I...I'm so misunderstood. God, how can you not understand Tim? My college art teacher hated my work! I had to drop out! How can you be so insensitive to my needs?? Tim: Are you fucking STUPID? You were dating ME and you started FUCKING some other guy! YOU DUMB BITCH! How could I have been so stupid? Jerry: Jason, how do you feel about taking Julia away from Tim? Jason: Jerry, you've got to understand -- Julia and I are both misunderstood artists. Don't you see the beret I am wearing? You can't possibly understand what's going on in my head. I mean, last night I was sucking some guy's dick for 20 bucks! How low can one sink to be an artist? Julia: You, you what? Jason: I sucked cock to get money to take you out for breakfast. Jerry, do you know how hard it is to find a vegetarian restaurant in Chicago? Tim: Haha, we always had that trouble. She's a fucking picky eater bitch. Julia: Tiiiim! Why are you being so mean to me? Tim: YOU TORE MY HEART OUT ON TELEVISION WITH A FUCKING SPOON YOU GODDAMNED STUPID BITCH! WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Tim: So, Jason, have you gotten to the sex part yet? Jason: Yeah, it's OK. Tim: For the first couple weeks, but then she starts losing interest. The only thing that kept me interested were her enormous breasts. Jason: Yeah, you're right. They are enormous. Other than that I don't think she has many redeeming qualities. Physically. Obviously we have an artistic connection you could never understand. Tim: I thought we had that, too, but in the last fifteen minutes I realized what a dumb bitch she is. Julia: How can you say this? I hate both of you! Jerry: Let's take some questions from the audience... Large-breasted-tight-shirt girl-#1: If you're into breasts, check these out! Large black woman #1: Y'all need ta stop what y'all be doin, cuz it don't lead to nowhere but trouble! Dorky looking artfag #1: This is a question for Julia -- so I guess you're done with both Tim and Jason after the show? Julia: Yes DLA1: Well, I'm free, see my beret? I think we'd get along fine! Idiot: Julia, show us your tits! A Cool dude: Julia, I think you're a fucking bitch! It's obvious Tim gave his all to you and you just trashed him on TV! Fuck you, stupid hooker! Tim: Hey Jason, fuck this bitch. Jason: I did. Tim: Heh, so did I. Forget about that, let's get the hell out of here. Tim: Fuck you. Jason: Fuck you. Julia: Jerry: And now for my final thought -- When you're dating someone, make sure they're not a stupid bitch or you might end up on my show! HAHA! Join us tomorrow for "The Bizarre Fetishes of Ezine Writers!" !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #359 - WRITTEN BY: NEKO - 12/19/98 !!