'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #414 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Meet Betty"                             !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Phairgirl                          !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/10/99                                  !!
 !!========================================================================!!

        I have to admit, I have a horrible crush on every single guy
 online.

        It's true.  Some guys suck me in worse than others.  However,
 the bottom line remains, I could probably have some kind of bizarre
 sexual fantasy about anyone online, provided they were single.

        I don't know why I let *girlfriends* or *wives* stop me from
 fantasizing, but quite frankly, the thought of sharing someone with
 another girl turns me off.  Call me old-fashioned or crazy or whatever,
 I'm just not the harem girl type.  And besides, the mere thought of
 some other girl getting something good from someone I'm messing around
 with just utterly repulses me.

        However, I am aware that not every guy in the universe wants to
 have drooly modem chicks dreaming of their naked wet bodies.  That's
 okay, I completely accept that.  But don't think that I'm going to stop
 dreaming just because someone doesn't think I should.  If you don't want
 to be fantasized about, you need a sure-fire cream dream killer:  a
 girlfriend.  And if this is not prudent at this juncture in your life,
 then you need the next best thing:  Betty.

        Betty is the all-purpose, imaginary, brush-off-the-modem-chicks
 girlfriend.   She's beautiful.  She's busty.  She's got an ass you can
 bounce quarters on.  She's done things in bed that make Amber Lynn
 blush.  Best of all, she can't stand little puppy dog modem girls and
 is an expert in Judo.

        Betty is as easy to use as a Fisher Price Little People Barn
 (the one that goes "MOOOOO").  Here's an example of Betty in motion:

 <LonelyGrl> I looked at your pics.  *giggles* You're cute!
 <BettysMan> Yeah, my girlfriend certainly thinks so.
 <LonelyGrl> Oh, you have a girlfriend?  *sigh*
 <BettysMan> Yeah, her name is Betty.  She's beautiful.  She's busty.
             She's got an ass you can bounce quarters on.  She's done
             things in bed that make Amber Lynn blush.  And she doesn't
             like modem girls and is an expert in Judo.
 <LonelyGrl> You no longer find you to be cute.

        Of course, Betty should be used with caution.  Although most
 modem girls (about 80% or so) would see Betty's name mentioned and
 turn tail and run, there are those oddballs out there who don't see
 Betty as much of a threat.

 <SinglChik> I want to have sex with you.
 <BettysMan> But, I have a girlfriend.
 <SinglChik> So what.
 <BettysMan> Her name is Betty.  She's beautiful.  She's busty.  She's
             got an ass you can bounce quarters on.  She's done things
             in bed that make Amber Lynn blush.  And she doesn't like
             modem girls and is an expert in Judo.
 <SinglChik> I *am* Amber Lynn.  And I want you both to try and make me
             blush.

        There's never a sad ending!  You never look like a jerk by
 brushing off an ugly girl!  You can't lose with Betty.

        Except, you're still home.

        Alone.

 !!========================================================================!!
 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    #414, WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 1/10/99 !!