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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #562
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888                     "Friends"
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8
    888     888 888      888 888    "               by Phairgirl
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o              4/11/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        A friend is someone who is there for you when you have problems.

        A friend is someone who listens.

        A friend is someone who calms you down when you're upset.

        A friend is someone you spend time and have fun with.

        Blah, blah, blah.  What kind of fairy tale bullshit is that?

        I've had many *friends*, ever since I can remember communicating
 with people.  My friends ranged from Rhonda and Amy, who gave me lice a
 bunch of times, to Kelly who moved away to California, to Terri who chose
 her other friends over me, to Wendy who wouldn't stop BUGGING me, to
 Heidi, who stole a bunch of my stuff, to Jenny, who was a messed up
 psycho, to Charity, who fucked my boyfriend and almost left me homeless
 and still owes me a ton of money.

        Needless to say, I don't like having friends.

        However, it is necessary to socialize and have fun and generally
 keep a decent peace of mind, or risk complete and total insanity.  This
 brings me to my current set of friends, whose names I will NOT say,
 because I still count them as my friends, even though some are about to
 go the way of Rhonda and Amy.

        Friend #1: Met over the Internet.  Dated for a bit, but then decided
 to be just friends.  Met in person, did the sex thing.  Went back to being
 just friends.  Now tells me all the shit his girlfriend talks about me
 behind my back, then yells at me for calling her on it.

        Friend #2: Lent him money for rent.  Got him a job when he was
 desperate, then acted like a complete fuck-up and general ass until (thank
 goodness) he got fired.  Tells me he'll pay me back *someday*, then asks
 me if he can borrow *more* money.  Now hangs out with the crowd he was
 trying to get away from by hanging around with me, and acts like a
 jackass.

        Friend #3: Owes me money.  Asks for asinine favors sometimes (and
 drives me up the wall in general, although not always in a bad way).  Is
 turning into a major pothead and alienating his closest friends in the
 process by ditching them for the wacky weed, doesn't call, doesn't e-mail.
 Treading on thin ice at this point.

        Friend #4: Tells a lot of stupid lies for no reason.  Drives me up
 the wall, but she's a total sweetheart.  On the worst day I've had at work
 in months, she invites me to a hot tub party.  THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO.

        And people wonder why I have four cats and am always online
 fiendishly downloading mp3s and listening to music and watching anime and
 working as many hours a week as possible.

        Be my friend?

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #562 - WRITTEN BY: PHAIRGIRL - 4/11/99 ]