[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #699 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "Noppa Gets Us Laid: 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 An Exploration in Stupidity" 888 888 888 888 888 " by Various Artists 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/18/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] *** IRC log started Mon Jan 18 00:39 *** Users on #ezines: @kreeed glynis @slindsey notgreg @teerts @isaac @Quarex @Mogel @tomfuck @noppa @cheesus @turevon @kaiak @Ilsundal @tasha @AIDS @cstone @apollo___ @rattle @TanAdept (quarex) quarex: (Its a new product from Corning, who brought you Pyrex! Quarex is not a borosilicate glass; instead, it is made from pure quartz. And if you believe that, have an onion.) (jamesy) jamesy: (i love you, noppa!) (g0ff) g0ff: (that guy behind the curtain) (zooey) zooey: (as if you really have any beans) (()) (): (Please do not abuse the () feature.) [zooey] zooey: (kill yourself) (cstone) (dylan) cstone: (lambda (x) (if (= x (* 5555 0)) x (- (/ x x) 1))) ((())) (()): (Maurauder! Its ME noppa!!! I m talking to YOU!) dylan: (cutle fuzzy wuzzy 16 year old wannabee (she could almost be foddy's type!)) (katie) katie: (someone with more friends than she thinks :) .) (murmur) murmur: (the friendliest of the friendlies!) (lindsey) lindsey: (evERYone loves lINDs) (tao) tao: (he's sad and mopey.) (rj) rj: (The greatest author yet to be born) stop it who the hell is noppa? Noppa is a stupid bot. isn't noppa an OLD OLD school bot? noppa is longstanding noppa is the original #ad&d dicerolling bot that bot has been on irc.. for what.. 4 years? notgreg: longer than 4 years 4d3 Mogel, 4d3: 6 :P 3d20 AIDS, 3d20: 28 (mogel) mogel: (noppa wants to know what is mogel is that too much to ask?) 3d20 AIDS, 3d20: 38 Uhm, ahaha, we can make saving rolls for situations. yes I can figure out how smart I'm going to act in any given argumentative HOE situation. Quarex, Roll to get laid by Glynis What dice is that? Is that a d twenty? Like critical hit or failure? 1d20 yeah, you have to get 17 or more Quarex, 1d20: 13 FAILED! FUCK what the HELL are you guys talking about? oh, ok, well, I'm going to act reasonable intelligent now. Roll to get laid by Soybean 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 17 SUCCESS! Okay, I barely got laid by Soybean drew how can you BARELY get laid? Now on to my roll 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 1 HAHAHHAHAH HHAAHAHAHAH CRITICAL FAILURE YES! NO MORE GIRLFRIENDS!$#*& Roll to get laid by Meenk -- 11 is required 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 14 AIDS gets LAID by MEENK ahjahah D00d I gottra see if I can get laid by Meenk even though she hates me doud, if teletype can do meenk, anyone can 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 20 HAHAHAHA CRITICAL HIT AHAHAHAH QUAREX YOU FUCKED HER ASS ALL THREE HOLES haha HAHAHA Hahahahahaha heh im confused :( Looks like Meenk is just playing "I hate you" Roll to get laid by Anjee -- 15 required 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 8 FAILED 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 15 HEY LOOK I GOT ANJEE it's because my dick is so enormous and she is so tight it was rough riding for a while God my god. I am so totally never getting laid But then again, that is what happens when you devote yourself to celibacy and even chicks want sex these days You got a critical meenk hit, dude Roll to get laid by tasha -- 18 :D 1d20 Mogel, 1d20: 5 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 17 SHIT All I got to was fingerbang! 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 2 FUCK YAY! * tasha does a dance!!! * kreid had unprotected sex today! :) :) :) OK GUYS This is the gayest thing this channel has ever done Hahaha No way HAHA This game rules kreid, roll a saving throw vs. HIV Hahahaha hahhaha hahahaa Yeah, you are like a 2nd level Druid 1d20 kreid, 1d20: 19 SAFE damn! kreid is safe! i'm slick im confused again :\ ok, i want to reroll my intelligence 3d6 AIDS, 3d6: 10 oh shit i am stupid Roll to get laid by Parker Posey -- 15 is required 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 9 Who is Parker Posey? And I failed God ahahah Let me roll to get laid by a human being - 2 is required 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 13 Damn Mogel, what do you think you are to get laid? I'm a 15 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 9 shit 1d12 AIDS, 1d12: 3 how pretty will my wife be? 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 4 damn! butt nasty! Roll to get laid by phairgirl -- 12 is required ahahahahahah hahahah 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 Mogel, 1d20: 4 Quarex, 1d20: 17 AIDS, 1d20: 3 isaaca, 1d20: 6 tasha, 1d20: 17 AWW YEAH HAHAHA DAMN I DID EVEN WORSE THAN MOGEL YAY I GET PHAIRGIRL SEX! Roll to get laid by AnonGirl -- 14 required 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 20 tasha, 1d20: 11 Quarex, 1d20: 12 Mogel, 1d20: 11 DAMN I BANGED ANONGIRL ALL NIGHT FUCK Three hole combo critical hit! She's mine all mine Hahah MUZE hmm... muze is a 16 Give Muze a rating 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 13 AIDS, 1d20: 5 Mogel, 1d20: 19 tasha, 1d20: 12 isaaca, 1d20: 1 this is so stupid Dude, the thing is, I should have a -10 penalty on these because I am Quarex. good thing I have no idae who muse is :( isaaca; IMPOTENCE CRITICAL FAILURE mmMmMMmm Hahaahah :~o Roll to get laid by Barb, she's... 13 LIES I TRIED SO HARD 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 Who the hell is barb? Quarex, 1d20: 16 AIDS, 1d20: 16 tasha, 1d20: 13 Mogel, 1d20: 6 isaaca, 1d20: 15 Oh, I see, it is just broken i get barbsex! Everyone can have Barb, the way it should be Aww, not Mog, who got more than I ever did this is so fucking stupid it's actually painful to contemplate thank god I only roll'd a 10 for my intelligent levels im amused. it's disorientingly pathetic heh 3d6 AIDS, 3d6: 10 ahahah it's official. Roll to get laid by Leah -- Girls get +5, Guys get -4, 16 required Hahahaha SHIT 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 HAHA tasha, 1d20: 2 Quarex, 1d20: 8 isaaca, 1d20: 6 Mogel, 1d20: 18 AIDS, 1d20: 7 HA HA TASH WTF IM THE ONLY GIRL AND I CANT GET LEAH HAHAHA THATS FUCKED UP mogel almost got sex from a lesbian, dude Leah just hates EERYBDOY roll to get laid with PezMonkey -- 16 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 * tasha crosses her fingers Mogel, 1d20: 1 Quarex, 1d20: 18 AIDS, 1d20: 15 isaaca, 1d20: 6 tasha, 1d20: 11 ahahah impotence critical failure HAHAH Hahaha NOOOOOO *hee hee* Roll to get laid by Aster -- 19 required 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 C'mon Aster Underage chicks are my speciality shit I wish getting sex was actually this arbitrary So do I AIDS, 1d20: 10 isaaca, 1d20: 17 Mogel, 1d20: 18 Quarex, 1d20: 19 tasha, 1d20: 6 YES AHAHA HAhahaha !#$&!#$ tasha: the dice don't lie ALL UNDERAGE GIRLS SHALL FALL BFEORE MY MIGHT I have no idea what Caitlin's would be Roll to get laid by Metal Chick -- 14 required 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 13 Quarex, 1d20: 20 tasha, 1d20: 5 Mogel, 1d20: 19 isaaca, 1d20: 17 FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK METAL CHICK METAL CHICK HAHAHAHA i wansta roll for isaac, s'il vous plait pacify me for christs sake I think I ran out of girls. mogel: paganini mogel: daisy Oh yeah Paganini is a 16, I'd say 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 11 isaaca, 1d20: 5 AIDS, 1d20: 15 Mogel, 1d20: 8 tasha, 1d20: 3 doh Hahaha darn :( Well, at least this random dice rolling is a refelction of real life Daisy would be a 9 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 tasha, 1d20: 18 AIDS, 1d20: 19 Mogel, 1d20: 9 Quarex, 1d20: 17 HELL YEAH BUDDY! I think Daisy would be a 3 Where does Daisy live? Who is Daisy? Hahaha Mogel: ISAAC! GOIN' TO MEET DAISY I WAS RIDING MISS DAISY hyuk hyuk hyuk! Hahaha Isaac would be... 15 I want to try for myself 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 isaaca, 1d20: 3 Mogel, 1d20: 9 AIDS, 1d20: 14 tasha, 1d20: 12 *** teerts (teerts@whthc23.resnet.iup.edu) has joined channel #ezines How much to do quarex? 14 ahahah That high? Well, actually, to DO me would require a 20 i thought you were mad sexless guy? I am. oh, i see. Someone would have to trick me. "Try this new 'milk', Drew" ahaha -5 to non-virgins "I thought the bottle said Rohylponol." "No, milk. Drink it." look no one wants to roll Yeah, true. 1d20 Mogel, 1d20: 9 Hahaha is it a reflection of real life? 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 5 Who WOULD? =] Yes, it is. All girls want to pretend to roll, but none would ever actually want to do it. To do altrocks... 10 1d20 Quarex, 1d20: 9 1d20 Mogel, 1d20: 11 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 10 oh my i have to get isaac. hahah, mogel, I must have gotten cheap sloppy seconds on altrocks with my barely making it score 16 for kaia 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 17 Mogel, 1d20: 2 isaaca, 1d20: 20 tasha, 1d20: 10 AW YEAH ALL UP IN THAT Damn mogel: ahahha damn isaaca got the three hole critical hit yay is someone logging this? i hope not. Hopefully not. Oh god, another article in the making I never log anything. *** Starting logfile irc.log *** Value of LOG set to ON *** End of Lastlog hmm, I can't think of anyone else matt? art? dylan? art is a 14 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 1d20 AIDS, 1d20: 9 isaaca, 1d20: 1 tasha, 1d20: 12 Quarex, 1d20: 18 Mogel, 1d20: 6 Art wants me drew got artsex oh yeah roll for intelligence -- it's "3d6" 3d6 3d6 3d6 3d6 average Mogel, 3d6: 10 tasha, 3d6: 12 isaaca, 3d6: 8 AIDS, 3d6: 15 YAY! I Am a god! 10 is average I am *ABOVE* average I think I rolled high enough to become an illusionist roll for strength 3d6 3d6 3d6 Mogel, 3d6: 11 isaaca, 3d6: 8 tasha, 3d6: 10 Poor Isaac he's gonna have the village idiot character don't worry isaac, i still love ya Roll for charisma 3d6 3d6 3d6 Mogel, 3d6: 10 tasha, 3d6: 10 isaaca, 3d6: 8 Man, I'm so utterly average heh hahahahaha poor isaac! Wisdom? 3d6 3d6 3d6 Mogel, 3d6: 10 tasha, 3d6: 17 isaaca, 3d6: 14 finally ARGH 10 AGAIN WOW! I GOT A 17! 3d6 Quarex, 3d6: 13 I AM WISE, YO! 3d1 3d31 AIDS, 3d1: 3 3d31 3d1349 STOP AIDS AIDS, 3d1: 3 AIDS, 3d1: 3 I TIRE OF THIS GAME 0d100 AIDS, 3d1: 3 *** glynis (~jwhite1@isr3584.urh.uiuc.edu) has joined channel #ezines Glynis I got laid by you according to noppa ummm....yes :) im the neatest character AIDS, d31: 5 AIDS, 3d1: 3 Noppa is ignoring me because I am an evil flooder. ok. should I commit suicide? 1 for yes 2 for no 1d2 AIDS, 1d2: 1 MUST GO DIE hahah no!!!!! 1d2 tasha, 1d2: 1 damn. * tasha goes with jarett. Should I sleep right now? 1 for yes, 2 for no, 3 to masturbate 1d3 Mogel, 1d3: 1 ahaha Should I jack off over tasha? 1 for yes 1d1 AIDS, 1d1: 1 hahaha okay ok later would that be literally OVER me? *** Signoff: Mogel (the fates have spoken!) IRC log ended Mon Jan 18 00:51 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [(c)!LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #699-WRITTEN BY: VARIOUS ARTISTS-6/18/99 ]