,... $$$$ $$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg. ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$ $$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$ """ """""" """ ggg "J Paws and the Sad" ggg $$$ by - Uberfizzgig $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ [ HOE E-Zine #962 -- 12/16/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$ `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' It was a Thursday morning in Cleveland. Everyone expected it to be a regular Thursday morning, even though there was no advertising allowed today. If there's one thing Drew Carrey did as mayor that would be remembered, it was to ban all advertising on Thursday. This opened up all the local stations to re-air old radio broadcasts of football games the Browns won. But even with all this, people were expecting it to be a regular Thursday. They were eating their eggs and cereals, and listening to the garbage trucks hoisting the dumpsters outside their apartment buildings. The noise of garbage always woke up J Paws, not because the process of urban garbage collection by machine was noisy, but because J Paws was not quite sleepy enough to remain in bed anymore by the time things could be heard. Today however, J Paws heard a different sound. A subtle rumbling behind the noise of garbage. It was going to be a great Thursday. Last night at the bar, J Paws put $20 in the Jukebox and selected all the songs no one in the bar other than himself liked. It took awhile to select all those songs, and he had to leave before the first one was over. He was that kind of person, but unlike other people of that type, J Paws had recently thrown 1000 octopus high up into the stratosphere. They'd be in orbit as long as the Jukebox played, or as long as their velocity held. J Paws wasn't sure if it was music or physics that governed the octopus, but he was sure it was the Sad that governed him. The Sad is what made J Paws do all those little things. Because of the Sad, he would save up all the extra packets of taco sauce and catsup he'd get from Taco Bell and McDonalds. They could be used later, and it was wasteful to just throw them out. There would be enough time to count them all and see if any were missing in his sleep. The amount and position of condiments was more important to J Paws than when they had been used, and he could only remember them in his sleep. Sleep that night went well again for J Paws, and waking up went even better. It was Thursday, and while the garbage trucks were hoisting the dumpsters, 1000 octopus rained down on the city of Cleveland. This Thursday was different. J Paws was governed by the octopus now. That night he would remember using up all his condiments. THE END. Author's note: this story contains NO metaphors or symbolism. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #962, BY UBERFIZZGIG - 12/16/99 ]