,... $$$$ $$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg. ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$ $$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$ """ """""" """ ggg "Bah" ggg $$$ by -> Meeyoww $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ [ HOE E-Zine #981 -- 12/23/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$ `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' I wanted this "holiday season" to be different. You know, Martha Stewart-esque, complete with the scents of mulled spiced cider and pine wafting through the house, perfectly wrapped presents cascading over each other under an exquisitely decorated tree. I was actually considering having the gas fireplace turned on, even though the average temperature here in balmy North Carolina has been in the mid fifties, just to add that "special something" to the holiday atmosphere. I had planned an elaborate holiday gathering, complete with a twenty-item buffet prepared from scratch, time for tree trimming, and even some spiked eggnog to send our guests out the door with a warm, fuzzy feeling in hopes of creating some "holiday cheer" of their own. I had even started writing out Christmas cards around Thanksgiving, just to get them in the mail and on their way before the holiday rush. I was so set. Martha herself would've been proud. And it all came to a screeching, crashing halt. Sometimes, it's beneficial to be the slacker. One should learn to say "no" emphatically, resolutely and repeatedly, if necessary, when asked to run errands beyond the scope of one's routine duties as an employee. I, of course, being the "nice" person, did none of the above, and complied with a co-worker's request that I run to the post office and have an abandonment letter certified. -More on this momentarily.- So here I am, visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head, driving to the post office, when my sugar-plums are abruptly cut off by a mini-van running a stop sign and in my direct path!#@ "Hooooonk". Break! Turn! Break! crash. Am I alive? Check yes. Is anything broken? Check no. Is my car okay? Check no. Now...had our office not been acting in the spirit of the holidays, and not taken in a *parvo-positive pit bull puppy from a derelict who could only offer a meager deposit on the dog, barely fill out a standard admissions form or afford the care of a puppy in the first place, I wouldn't have been on my way to get the collections letter certified for his charge-off ass. grrrrrr#@%!. breathe. ok. So anyway, I have accomplished nothing this holiday season. I canceled my get-together, decorated the damn tree myself, sent out 10% of my holiday cards, felt like a total loser for not purchasing presents for anyone, and then felt worse because of the realization that the marketing media OWNED me this holiday season. So instead of stringing garland and baking sugary sugar cookies, I've spent my 12 days of Christmas fighting insurance companies, visiting various doctors to find out what happened to my back in the accident, fighting off drug-induced deliriousness, sleepiness and overall bitchiness due in part to the doctor's non-pro-active stance on treating injuries like mine. And I've spent an inordinate amount of time on irc, simultaneously reading up on back issues of HOE and inserting random url's into my browser window just to see if they exist. I've been pissy, I've been randomly lame. It's been oodles of fun. At least I get a check to replace my car before school starts. Yay. The morals of the story, gingermen and women, are these: 1) Expect very little and you'll be happy when your expectations are exceeded. 2) Don't render services for people who have no intention of paying for them. 3) Doctor-prescribed narcotics tend to exacerbate moods and attitudes. 4) Don't try to be like Martha. It's not possible. She is, after all, Satan. I don't take the "end of the world/y2k armageddon" ideas seriously. However, if there *is* an apocalyptic event in the next couple of days, all of this might not seem like such a huge deal. And we'll all get to meet Martha, in person. I'm sure that hell is color-coordinated, complete with matching pillow shams, coming soon to a K-Mart near you. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #981, BY MEEYOWW - 12/23/99 ]