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     $$     .d""b. .d""b.                  HOE E'ZINE #1030
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     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$ss$$                 "Me And My Monkey"
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$                          by Me...
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$                      02/27/00
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     $$  $$ "TssT" "TssT"

	My finger traced an invisible spiral in the air--over and over--
 first in one direction, then the other.  Anita told me that you acquired
 power this way--power to fly--it wasn't something you found in a book.
 Anita was my advisor in these affairs.  She knew lots of weird crap.  She
 was very special.  And after five minutes tracing the same imaginary
 spiral over and over, it occurred to me that we used to BURN special people.
	Anita said that Power was serious business.  Pointless tasks were
 to test your sincerity.  I asked her how much tracing it took to prove
 myself sincere, worthy of the secrets of flying.  She said about three
 days.  This wasn't going to be easy.  Evidently, Power was something you
 earned.  But I did have an edge--experience.
	Repetitive, mindless activity was more than just an old familiar
 tune, it was my life.  I was bored shitless.  I wanted thrills and kicks,
 but I was marooned in a dull, predictable world with a hungry monkey on
 my back screaming, "Get WEIRD!  Do something STRANGE!"  That's why I
 wanted to fly.  At least, I hoped I wanted too--three days sounded like
 purgatory.
	Fifteen grueling minutes passed.  Suddenly, it happened--I got
 weird.  REALLY weird.  I watched in frozen terror while a hideous,
 drooling monster burst into the room and hacked off my limbs with an
 engraved set of Ginsu knives.  My flesh was stripped away, finely sliced,
 and mixed into a boiling cauldron of me-gumbo.  My bones were tossed out
 back in Biro's food bowl (Biro was my dog, a Lab/Tongue mix that came
 with the place).  Soon, I found myself buried in a hole he dug next
 door--in the Cat Lady's yard.  I looked like hell, and I'd lost my damn
 lighter again.
	I was floating in a black, warm goop.  Strange voices cried out.
 Demons who promised fabulous wealth wanted me to invest in East European
 Emerging Market Funds.  But I refused to listen (I only read the booklet
 to qualify for the free telephone).  At last I saw the flying spirits.  I
 learned the big secret of flying wasn't how you flapped your arms, the
 trick was all in the shoulder movement.  I learned many things.  I almost
 quit smoking. . . . . . . . . . .
	The ancient ones vanished from the sound of shoveling earth.  It
 was Anita.
	"Where the hell have you been?  I've been digging all over for you?"
	We spent a quiet afternoon together.  Neither of us talked.  I'd
 changed and she knew what it meant.
	The monkey on my back awoke.  It was screaming, "Thrill me! Thrill
 me!"  Time to feed the monkey.
	"I don't know how I ever put up with you," she said.
	I never figured that one out myself.
	"Watch out for jets up there, okay?  And think about me.  Will you
 do that?  Will you look down and think about me?"
	"Always."
	And I flew.  I soared and swooped.  I banked and turned somersaults.
 I chased gulls and stole wet laundry hanging in the breeze.  I terrorized
 an outdoor wedding and put cats in tall trees.  I even tangled kites in
 power lines and snatched hats from old people.  I was being a shit.  It
 was the greatest time of my life.  I floated high on the wind and looked
 down on a helpless city below, wondering what misery I could spread next.
	Then I saw a tiny, familiar house.  And I remembered.  I missed
 things.  Little things.  Silly things.  I flew home.
	She'd gone.  A note on the refrigerator said: FEED THE DOG! I fed
 him.  Later, I took Biro for a walk on the beach.  While he played in the
 water, I squished wet sand between my toes.  I climbed on a big rock near
 the shore and tossed pennies into the ocean.  When you tossed one, you
 were supposed to make a wish. Sometimes they come true and sometimes they
 don't--that's just the way it is with wishes.  But I didn't care.  I had
 a pocket full of pennies.  I wondered what I should wish...?
	I wished her well.

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 [ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu      HOE #1030, BY ME... - 02/27/00 ]