in this place, please find a new electronic magazine, "the humus report" (HUMUS.xxx)... to give credit, NUTWORKS gave me the idea for this thing, and i'd like to give it a slightly different feel, if for no other reason than getting NUTWORKS out here on the west coast is a little iffy at best... if you have conservative leanings and are easily offended, please do NOT download this file... i don't want to hear from anyone that says they read it and want it burned like perry como records... feel free to spread this sucker to the ends of the earth, with one proviso: it cannot be given out for monetary remuneration of any type, except that which is paid back to the publisher/editor (>ME<)... other than that, feel free to upload it anywhere you wish, give it to friends, etc... this publication is a subscriber publication. if you like what we do here, please subscribe... subscriptions guarantee that you will receive each and every Humus Report that sees the light of day... i hear you saying, "where do i send my money? i don't ever want to miss your fine publication..." caren park 2557 Fourteenth Avenue West Suite 501 Seattle, Washington 98119 (01 January 1992) A few remarks from the chief bottle washer: Hello, there, fellow friends of weird. We are very happy to bring to you the strangest and most absurd that we can find in a format pleasing to the inquiring mind. We will attempt to bring to you items of focus, items for the discriminating thought process that some of us have (usually after we order a Domino's Pizza with everything but onions and cooked tomatoes on it), items with little social redeeming value. These are our goals, and we wish you to become a small part in this orchestration. If those among you would kindly send in junk that you have no other use for, stuff that you read and find humorous, filth that no one else will take, stories absurd or preposterous, news that isn't fit to line litterboxes anywhere, if you would send those gems to us here at The Humus Report, we'd appreciate it. Our address will be given to you near the end of our report. We will cull from the post office box all death threats and denunciations, and print what we can of whatever is left. The rest is up to you... We would appreciate it if: (1) the sending of copyrighted material for publication was sent ONLY if you also send along a legal release for us to use that material; (2) if you should see non-attributed copyrighted material in our stuff, please let us know ASAP so we can take appropriate actions; (3) if you like what we do here, please donate whatever you feel appropriate, so that we can continue to bring you this stuff month after month... We would also appreciate it if you would distribute this newsletter far and wide, to the six corners of the world, to the heights and depths your soul can reach, the ends of the universe, and even to the Super 8 Motel just outside of Milwaukee, if you should happen to be there before I... The only restriction I make upon its distribution is that NO CHARGE, zero, zilch, nil, none, all of the above, NO CHARGE will be made for this newsletter unless I receive 100% of that charge... This means, NO CHARGE for diskette distribution, NO CHARGE for inclusion with other junk, NO CHARGE for access, etc... As I am insured by the Guido and Vittorio Pin- Stripe Violin Case Maker Insurance Company, I hope there will be no exceptions... I also have a program called CKP-MSG.ZIP which contains virtually everything you will see here and over 3 megabytes (in ZIP format) more. For a nominal cost per year, I will provide the latest copy of the ibEENmISLED/compatible program AND the latest updates of the datafile to you... address inquiries about this program and/or the datafile to the: caren park 2557 Fourteenth Avenue West Suite 501 Seattle, Washington 98119 (01 January 1992)