/-\ /-\ /\ /\ /\ /\ Mighty | \/ | \/ | || |/ / Illicit Issue #46 | |\/| | /\ | || < Liquid "The Facts about Lampreys" | | | | | || || |\ \ Kollections -By James Hetfield \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ _____________ Lampreys. LAMPREYS. Damn the lampreys. Thery're everywhere, and we must watch our backs whereever we go. Commonly Mistaken Beliefs: 1) Lampreys are only in Water. FALSE. Lampreys can be found ANYWHERE. In your bed, in your computer, in your BRAIN, if you're not careful... 2) Lampreys don't attack humans. FALSE. Lampreys will latch on to anything they can. They especially PREFER Human flesh and blood, in fact, over that scaley garbage they find in the water. 3) Lampreys aren't a threat to human society. FALSE. Lampreys are constantly plotting new ideas and schemes on how to take over our government and destroy us off the planet so they can live happily on the mainland. Beware... 4) Lampreys make great pets. FALSE. Lampreys are the worst possible pet you could have. They'll kill any other pets you already have, and might even kill you while you sleep. 5) Spam is made out of ham products. FALSE. Spam is actually Lamprey Larva, being distributed by the lampreys consirating against us. Once we eat spam, the larva hatch in our stomach and pollute the rest of our body, until we die, then they leave it in seach of other lampreys like them. Soon all these lampreys will start a coalition against all humanity. 6) Crystal Pepsi is a carbonated water and sugar drink. FALSE. Crystal Pepsi is really Lamprey Urine! Stay away from this product as much as possible, for it is a very dangerous pollutant to take into your body. 7) Lampreys Sleep. FALSE. Lampreys are constantly awake, waiting us to fall asleep, so they can prey upon us. 8) The Reason Lampreys have not taken over is because of our vast and strong Military. FALSE. Lampreys could EASILY destroy the military. the only reason they have not taken over yet is because of Lamprey Hunters like Nyarlathotep, and Pete. These men keep the lampreys at bay with their magical lamprey hunting weapons and (more importantly) their wit. 9) Lampreys don't have sex. FALSE. Lampreys are continually having intercourse, that is, when they're not trying to take over the planet. 10) Dolphins are the 2nd most intelligent beings on earth. FALSE. The Lampreys are just a tad less intelligent than humans, and if we're not careful, our end is near. I hope these facts have helped you realize the horror our society is plagued with. We must learn as much as possible about these vile beats, and keep wary about them, because if we don't, they'll be on our necks faster than a 300 pound, beer guzzing football fan would be on Cindy Crawford. ______________ This was the first [MiLK] file posted on Internet (as far as I know). You can find this file under alt.animals.lampreys. For more information on [MiLK], lampreys, and other WaCky junk in JENeral, Call The Obloid Sphere 708-965-3098. In short, MiLK is a text file group dedicated to stupid text files about little to no good. [MiLK] does not encourage the exploitation of cows, eggplants, or mangos in any way. This file is Exactly 3520 bytes long.