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               [ Mind Warp  -  Volume #2, Issue #4, File #031 ]
                      [ "Letter to Bozak"  by Mustaine ]
            
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                               Letter to Bozak
                             [Mustaine/Influenza]
                                   10/10/94

        Attention all guys, ladies, and mutants.  Earlier this week a 
friend of mine named Michelle wrote this hilarious letter that we sent 
to this guy named Bozak.  Who they are and why the letter was sent is none 
of anybody's buisness.  But it was so hilarious, I had to share with you
Mind Warp fans.  Here goes...

[----------------------------CUT HERE--------------------------------------]
OCTOBER 7, 1994

RE: Rejection of application

Dear Mr. Bozak,

        We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to
model and represent our product...Trojan Condoms.

        Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of
Directors feel that you fall somehwat short when you model our product.
They feel that your wearing of our product in the ad does not portray a 
positive, romatic image.  A loose, baggy, and wrinked condom is not very
romantic.  However, we do admire your efforts to try to firm and fill it by
using "Poly-Grip"...even then, it slipped off before we could get the 
picture taken.  (The young lady judge has been severly reprimanded for her
uncontrollable and hysterical laughter.)

        We appreciate and thank you for your interest, and will retain your
application for future consideration if by chance we decide there is a
market for "micro-mini" condoms.

        Our deepest symapthy to your sexual partners,
                        
                        Sincerely,

                        Trojan Condom Company

[----------------------------CUT HERE--------------------------------------]

        That's it folks.  Feel free to change the name, paste the appended
version to a text file, and print out your own copy.  It makes for a 
hilarious joke.  That, and it's semi-original.


        Quick Greets:

        Raven  (what?  ONLY 12oo???)
        Pornlo (HUHHUH Die Beavis)
        Slarti (hehehe BOOBS heheheh)
        Casper (How ya doin' babes?  Call me...)
        Frosty (gets me more inet BBS's baby...)

        Bye till my next article...

                        Mustaine / Mind Warp / 1994


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