vivatron - issue #001


                        the totally unrepressed rant zine


'fuck all of you elite fuckwads in #zines'
by augustus gloop

      i can't stand all of you fucking little dorks who hang out in channel
#zines with all of your bots with stupid sounding names, such as snuffyII or
y0lkbot.  you sit around and masturbate to each other's so-called cleverness.
you are all stuck-up assholes who claim to hate other stuck-up assholes when
really the stuck-up assholes who you hate are already stuck up your asshole.
you are all smokers, which shows a little something about your pathetic
personalities.  you only talk to those in your own little group, which makes
you elitist bastards.  most of you were big conformists and nintendo-junkies
in junior high and then went through a transitional state in high school when
you found other losers like yourselves and in order to bolster some sort of
group esteem, you wrote stupid text files about your own boring clique lives
and considered yourselves better than everyone else because you started
typing all in lower case and replacing o's with 0's.  now you want to make a
career of writing only about yourselves and your dysfunctionalities, which
you think are ever so unique but really aren't.  they are really fucking
stupid.  well, i can't wait until you all die of lung cancer.  and i bet as
you read this, you are thinking 'what a stupid twerp', and guess what?  i
don't care, because i think you are the stupid twerps.  so go die.  ha ha.

'shaving'
by augustus gloop

      i hate it when i shave and tear off a bunch of skin so my neck is all
red.  i bet you are thinking 'shaving is easy', and it is, but what i'm
saying is razor blades weren't designed to go across the surface of your
neck, because you have your adam's apple which gets in the way, so you
scratch the hell out of your neck.  i would stop shaving, but i don't want to
look like some dirty, unkept snotwag in #zines, so i'll continue scratching up
my neck for the sake of posterity.

'demo people'
by augustus gloop

      demo people are much more talented than #zines people, because they
actually have a productive talent, unlike those idiots who write about cheese
balls or planters peanuts and think it's all deep and meaningful and shit.
well guess what?  it's not even fun to read, because it's so fucking stupid.
i mean, i'd rather read the label of a planters peanuts can instead of
watching your dumb lower-case ass fantasize about how you are going to make a
business of writing and distributing zines, which are about worthless
subjects such as 'jamesy's bad day at the cheese whiz factory'.  so back to
my topic of demo people.  demo people actually have talents.  they can write
music and code computer games.  this is something society as a whole can
benefit from.  the only members in society who want to read articles such
'odin's dick in philadelphia' are high school losers who sit around eating
dry pasta and watching space ghost.  you can't make money off of that, you
big dumbasses.  you might be thinking, 'demo people can't make money selling
their demos' and maybe you're right, but at least demo people can speak finnish.

'metalchic'
by augustus gloop

      i've seen gifs of metalchic and she's really hot but she acts like a
total dumbass so i could never fuck her and respect her.  besides, she's from
new jersey.  she probably eats prairie grass.

'metalchic ]['
by mr. obvious

      well, for all i know, this metalchic chick could be the hottest thing
on wheels, but if she types in lowercase and smokes, then she might as well
be dead, she'd be better off that way.

'base-plate cavalcade'
by mr. obvious

      i have a cat named base-plate cavalcade.  his favorite foods are things
like cheese, milk, other dairy products, and people that come into my
house.  why the fuck do people come to my house?  i don't even have any
friends, but they come to my fucking house anyway.  they're just using me
because i have a cat that fucking eats cheese and they like to exploit him.
they're kinda like people in #zines that way, they exploit things that they
can, and do it all with a sense of ignorance that makes me sick.  kinda like
the people in my house, they make me fucking sick too.

'typing in lower-case'
by mr. obvious

      i hate you mother fuckers that type in lower-case.  writing styles were
developed for a fucking purpose, to make text/handwriting easier to read.  do
you think that uppercase letters are a creation of 'the man' in another of
his attempts to 'beat you down'?  you're so fucking stupid.  another problem
i have with you stupid fuckers is that some of you have the nerve to correct
other people's grammar, and yet you don't even fucking do a god damn thing
right yourself.  not using capitals would get you flunked in any english
class in any school on earth, yet you think that somehow you have the right
to comment on other people's writing ability?  get a fucking clue, you're
worse than they are.  i'd rather see someone misspell out of lack of
knowledge than be an ignorant piece of shit and not use capitals to 'look
cooler'.  fuck you.

'violent femmes'
by mr. obvious

      i know all of you stupid #zines fuckers like the violent femmes.  the
violent femmes is probably the worst fucking band on earth, right up there
with dark throne and burzum.  however, unlike dark throne and burzum, the
members of the violent femmes seem to have no idea that they create the worst
music imaginable.  it's atonal, it's hideous, it's total shit.  if you like
it, you're simply a bad person.