[ MOGEL BIRTHDAY ISSUE, POUPEY #14 ] [ Mogel, of the Snobby `Zinesters ] [ A Clear Ripoff, by Nybar ] Mogel: "Greetings once again readers... I am MOGEL; OF THE Snobby `Zinesters@$!@ My good friend pip of the bald-people bald-people, and his fellow tribe member jubjub are here, too. Pip: "Heh.. I'm bald" Mogel: "Yes.. but do you walk with a woman?" Pip: "Yes, I----" VWEEEEVROAMFKAMMAMA@!#$!@$ Bf, of the space people interrupts the signal!@$!@$!$@ Bf: "Crank Crank.. you are not a skank, think of you when I masturbate." Pip: "Ahhh.. draw on my dick?" Bf: "FOOLISH EARTH MAN!@$!@$!@$" Pip: "Damnit.. I needed that!@$#" Mogel: "DAMNIT.. THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY `ZINE$!@$!@#$" Nybarius the GOD: "No it isn't!@$ When I write.. I am GOD@#%$@!@$" Bf: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!@$!@$" KATHOOOOMMM!@$!@$!@$ Nybarius the GOD: "MUAHAHAHHAHAH$@!!@$ I have tasted destruction.. and I *LOVE IT!@$*" Mogel: "Ahhh." Nybarius, The GOD: "Hey.. look over there at mars!" MARS EXPLODES$@!!@$ Nybarius: "Heh!" Mogel: "Hey.. ahh.." Nybarius: "Spit it out.. INFIDEL!$@@@@)!@$*!_@@$!)*$!)*!$@)@!!!!!!" Mogel: "Ahhh.. would you please.. ahh.. stopp all of the wanton destruction??" Nybarius: "Yes.... I like chinese food to... lets go to a bar and get down with alot of drunken Japanese buisnessmen!@$!@$" Hours later..... Mogel and Nybarius are drunk together in the bar. Mogel: "So I ate the WHOLE.. THING!!" Nybar: "DEWD$@!!$@# Isn't that illeagel?!" Mogel: "Not then, it wasn't!" Nybar: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHQAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!$!@$" Crazy Bar-Dude: "Wouldn't that weigh more then you?" Mogel: "Of course! I can eat my bodies weight in twinkies.. I just eat half of one!!!" Mogel: "Hehehe.. Nybarius, you dick.. hehehehehe." *KA-BOOOOOOMMMM!@$!"@$#"(*!@+$!@)$*!_+@!#* Nybarius: "Livvveeee from Newark, DE.. it's mogel's birthday issue!!!!!" (note.. dramatization, may not have happened) +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ Mogels Birthday, alla Kaia -Kaia... I SWEAR! there was an old shoe who lived in a shoe she gave birth to a mogel who had a "m0g" 'too she said to herself, "his name should be longer." so she made his name longer. a bird flew along soaring, gliding, free, and crashed into a telephone wire above mogel_'s head. so the shoe set off on a crazy-ass quest to find her son a job and a decongest- ant. he was allergic to feathers or something. she wandered on into the forest a search to no avail she stepped on a snail, and got slime on her soul, but wait, i mean her sole because shoes don't have souls, silly willy. so when she died, she went to hell. but her dear son -- her dear, dear son -- lived on ramen and vegetables and he grieved for her sole and at the funeral he was very sad and he threw a drive-thru funeral-party and did not serve sole did not play to soul music did not pursue a solo career and did not invite hans solo. in fact, he decided, the only people whom i shall let in are those who can say my name. i bid three tries each, he thought, failure will result in torture, a torture beyond imagination; even beyond the imagination of the most imaginative wanker on earth. so he sat at the drive-thru funeral-party window and sat and something and no one showed up. then timidly, a girl wandered up, holding a roll of rolo. "talk to the hand," mogel said, "for you are holding a roll of rolo!" and she began to cry, which resulted in her eyes melting, her cheeks melting, her nose melting, but before her lips melted, she screamed, "YOUR NAME IS MOGELSTILTSKIN!!!@!!" and she was correct, yes indeed! yes indeed. and so, mogelstiltskin let her into the party and something else happened but i forget, but alas, it was too late, for she had melted away. and so, the funeral-party was a celebration of irony, a "celebration" of her death. and so, mogelstiltskin lived on ramen and vegetables -- forever -- ramen and vegetables who chant to him, "happy birthday m0ggie!" +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ Mogels birthday issue... phear!@#$ Mogel: "I think I should explain what happened back there.. you see nybar (who wrote it) didn't even know what the hell he was talking about. He was just rambling on and on. I don't think pip is bald. I'm not even dead. Actually.. I could be dead right now and this could still be written. Cause I (mogel) am not writing it. Nybar is. It's kind of sick that way. Actually, this is the third time he's destroyed me in his `zine. One noteable time.. he destroyed the whole `zining community and he then destroyed the universe after they had been ressurected as androids. Then there was this other one called mog.txt where he killed me in every conceiveable way.. but I only died once. That one will probably be later on in this issue. And then, a HOTDOG drove him insane. Damn... how did they get all those fish up there?!@$ BY DUES *so as not to be vulgar* IT'S FULL OF STARS!!! Hehe.. thats how you can tell if it's me or him pretending to be me. Maybe I'm Mogel right now just faking it actually... I am just pathetic enough to fake being nybar faking me to get into a `zine which was designed as a happy bday thinkie anyway. I'm that desperate. Cerkit cerkit.. you are not a blerkit, draw on my dick. Fuck this is just filler... ahh.. next story. 00000000000000000111111122222skipafew9910000000000000000000000000000000 Some Sort of amphibious rodent, I presume 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Ok.. so this is mogels birthday issue? YES! Just checking.. geez.. 5.. 4... 3.... 2...... 1....... Everyone: "SUPRRRRIIISSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI!_+@$*_+@!$*!+@_$*!@+_$" Mogel: "AHHHHHHHHHH!@#*!@$+)*!&#@$+_$@#!Y?EA?H?AHHP!U34}!O#$!@$ DEEPODEEEPDADEODOWAHHHH_!*@+!UFDCDFJDSJD!#$!$#)!$IJIGGER!" Mogel: "Ohhh yeah.. my birthday. Hmm.. my heart stopped for a few seconds. Cool." Nybar: "DESTROYYYYYYYYYYYY!@$ I mean suprise.#@!$*(!@$+#)!*@$+)!*$*!+@)$*" Mogel: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh.. oh.. it's you. Damnit. That DEFINATELY isn't happening again!@#$" FBI Guy 1: "Are you MOGEL?!!?" Mogel: "Ahhh!!" FBI Guy 2: "Damn you! Out with it!@$!#@$" Mogel: "Yeah.. I'm mogel." FBI Guy 3: "You really enjoy setting up teleconferences don't you?" Mogel: "Kind of.. yeah." FBI Guy 1: "Oh yeah?!@$!@$!@$+!*@$+)!?$?!@$?!@?$ YOU LIKE SETTING THEM UP?!$" Mogel: "Hehhe.. yeah.. kind of.." FBI Guy 2: "Ok.. thats cool. We'll be leaving now... actually.. can I have some cake?!" Mogel: "Ahh.. sure, I guess so." FBI Guy 2: "I don't like chocolate.... do you have some vanilla cake?" Mogel: "Nope.. Sorry." Nybar: "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA@#!@$!@# Sorry.!@!@$!$(*+!@$ HAHAHAN VGBIO$E@HQW!@#$ SAY IT AGAIN!@#$!@$" Mogel: "Sorry." Nybar: "BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!@#$!@$!@$#" Nybar: "Hey mogel... I got you a present@!!!!" Mogel: "Present?! NYBAR.. I LOVE YOU!" Nybar: "Here.. open it." Mogel "'Women Who Love Too Much'." Mogel: "Ohhh.. I get it. Thats reaaalll funny." Nybar: "Tee-hee." Mercuri: "So.. hozabout them bears?" Handle: "Gee.. I dunno." Nybar: "So... do you believe in god?" Jamesy: "Do you?" Nybar: "Oh.. you were predetermined to say that." Jubjub: "Y'know.. I hacked into NASA with AOL once." FBI Guy 2: "Really?" Jubjub: "Yup." FBI GUY 2: "Hehe... you couldn't hack your way into yer own pants." Jubjub: "Hey.. you jerk!@$!@$#" Jubjub: "FUCK YOU MAN!@$#!$#!@$# RULE YAKUZA!@$!@$ *as a parody of the britania thang* FBI Guy 2: "OTHER FBI GUYS.. TO MY AID~@!!@$!@$ REMEMBER THE WATERGATE!@$!$!" ...... Mogel: "And then I fell into another dimension, strange and eerie beyond belief!@#$" Nybar: "You mean you had fallen into a puddle?" Mogel: "Yeah... and there was... CHAFING@#$!!#$!@$" Nybar: "Good GOD!#$! To much cake aye?" Mogel: "Yup." Nybar: "Anything else?" Mogel: "Yeah. Some wierd space daemons killed me." Nybar: "Neat." +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ M O G E L Q U E S T A mini series thing, from the maker of poupey. ---- Mogels apartment, 3:00:27; Mogel tries to sleep. --- click. Mogel "Whawuzzat?!!?" creeeeeeaaaaaakkkkkk. Mogel "huh?!!@#$ Muien gott.. someones in the house!!" Meow. purrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Mogel "Nybar.. is that you and your ninja kitty cats?!@$" meow. meow. meow. meow (meow mix theme song). Mogel "I KNOW IT'S YOU NYBAR!@$!@#$" *CRASHHHHHH* Mogel "MY `POOTER@#%@#%_(@!$@#$ I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS NYBARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" ------ The Next Day, 8:00 am ------ Mogel "I'm telling you pip dude.. nybar and his cats wrecked my computer@#%! I found a note saying I'm next!!! I'm thinking of moving.. nybar is crazZzZzZzZzZy!#@%" Pip dude "Crank crank.. you are not a skank.. think of you when I masturbate." Mogel "righhhttt..." *NEXT DAY.. INDIANA!%#!@$)*!@$+@!*$ BOWOWOBOVB OBOE@#%!#@$JNHGFCBHNESPGwiehg@#%_(*@#%+* Mercuri So you want nybar out of the way?" Mogel "God.. YES!@$)!@*$!@)$" Mercuri "How much would you pay.. 50 g's?" Mogel "WHATTTTTTTTTTT?!@#%?!$@ I'll give you a dto coffee cup!" Mercuri "Fair enough. I'll set out today. I'll be back in a day or two. Should I kidnap him? I'm already planning to..." Mogel "Nyahh.. bring me his scalp!@$!@$" Mercuri "K. Cyaz.. I'll be back in a day or two" 2 days hence.. a box comes in the mail reading "From Nybar With Love". Mogel "EEWW@!#$!@$ MAIL!@#$ I NEVER GET MAIL!@$!@$" Mogel "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !@$)*!@$+!*@$)+!~*@$+!@)$*!@)+$*)@%&@%)!&@$!@%)*@+ )!@*$+@!)*$)+!@*$!@)+*U!@+)*!@+)$*!@$)+*$+)!@+1284 )+!@$*!@!#%!%@!%!@$!@$!@$" THAT SICK BASTTTTTARRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!1 Ahh forget it. +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ Mogel Quest TWO: The Redemption. ------------------------------------ 2:00: Played Rockey music. Ate a raw egg. I'm developing my pallete for my trip to france. I'm a weeny boy like the frances. 3:00: Played more Rockey music. Chased around a chicken, trying to poach it. But then the farmer came up with a shotgun and something jumped up and bit me. Hehe, gump. Wotta retard I am. 4:00: Played even more rockey music. I defeated Appollo Creed, and even though he was 600 pounds and 45 years old it was a challenge. I love you dear diary, even more than.. ky.. kai.. ko.. kl.. ahhhh... whoever. I believe I am ready to face nybar. Therefore I go to meet him in his home town of Newark, DE. -Mogel +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ The Amazing Story of Mogel Ramensoup..!! -Nybar Da prez: "So mogel, wanna be a hero?" Mogel: "I'm already a hero.." Da Prez: "A REAL HERO! NOT JUST HERO OF A BUNCH OF LOW LIFE NE'ER DO WELL `ZINE GUYS!@$" Mogel: "Ahh.. sure why not." Mogel: "I'LL DO IT@$#!" Later; China, the dictators office. Mogel: "So.. how ya doin?" Dictator "MOGEL RAMENSOUP!!!" Mogel "I come bearing ramen." Dictator: "YAY! You please us with your ramen! Cook it with egg?" Mogel: "Yes, I will cook it with egg." RING-RING ^ Dictator: "Hello?" | Other guy: "Yammeryammeryammer (untranslated)" | Dictator: "OH NO! THEY WANT TO ABOLISH RAMEN!@ Good thing, MOGEL RAMENSOUP, is here." Mogel Ramensoup: "Ahh.. no. I'd rather not take on 50000 ramen hating guerillas.. I'm 4'2.. and all." Dictator: "Worry not, there are no guerillas, only 50000 rebels!" Mogel: "Ahh.. damn I'm dead" TO BE CONTINUED LATER ON IN THIS VERY ISSUE!#$!@$!`32 .... Scant minutes later, Mogel Ramensoup speaks to the reb leader... Mogel Ramensoup "Ahh.." Nybar "Hi Mogel.. how ya doin'? I'm kinda busy overthrowing the goverment.." Mogel Ramensoup "Ahhhh.." Nybar "No, I don't plan on abolishing ramen.. but I DO plan on POLISHING ramen. I make the best ramen.. yers sucks!%#" Mogel Ramensoup "Dewd!#% NO WAY! Contest!!#%" Nybar "Nope, I got nothing ta prove. Get em boys." "Please" begged mogel "Let me go, for I am such a little foe!" "No" said nybar "Not at all, for I am big and you are small." ---------- Nybar: "Hmm.. THROW EM IN THE SHORTIE PITS@#!@$# No wait thats lame, ...ahh.. fuck just kill him in some imaginative way." Mogel "Wheee.. going unconcious from pain." And thus ends the brave tail of Mogel Ramensoup. +-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+ Shortie!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$ Make no mistake.. Mogel is a shortie. But this time.. instead of peppering the short jokes throughout the issue.. I have decided to put all of them at one time at the end!! So here we go.. first a short story then some haiku's and jokes. ------------ Mogel and his Father...... Mogel's Father: "Oh mogel.. today you are a grownup! 21 years of age.. you be! I remember when it alllllll began... with your mother in Madison County. I was a photographer, taking picures of bridges.. and I-----" Mogel: "I think that you a thinking of a movie based on my favorite book.. the Briges of Madison County." Mogel's Father: "Oh yeah. Now I remember... your mother was a cheap street hooker, and you are my Bastard son. And now you have thrown away your life by becoming a fucking nobody hacker jerk!#@$!@$# Still.. I was always proud.. you weren't a short man." Mogel: "Actually dad.. I've been meaning to tell you about that..." Mogel's Dad: "Well.. son. You are still around six feet tall." Mogel: "Actually..." Mogel's Dad: "At least you are still 5'5..." Mogel: "I didn't want to admit it.. but.." Mogel's Dad: "Ok.. beginning to be embarrased... you are 3 foot tall now..." Mogel: "About that three feet tall thing..." Mogel's Dad: "Where are you?!!#@%" M(for miniscule)ogel: "Down here!! Get a microscope." --- Mogel haiku's!! -- Mogel is real short. His clothes are to small for me. Way to small, baby. -- Mogel loves jubjub. Theres a poem about that here. Jubjub loves Mogel. -- Eat this pig mogel!#$!@$ Mogel: Vegetarian. What a gaybo, heh. -- Mogel:Weiner dog. Fat, Short, and stupid looking. And he's a frenchie. ------------------------- Some mogel jokes. What do you get when you cross metalchic with mogel? A short hoe that says "Sorry." alot. --- Is mogel one syllable or two? I don't know........ STUPID!#@$!@$ --- How many mogel's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know.. I didn't read that issue of hoe. --- What does Black Ruby think Mogel is? Nybar. --- Who the hell is black ruby?!@$ A delewarian.. or was that delawarite? --- DELEWHAT?!@$ CHICKENBUTT!@!$!@#!@$!@$ ---- fuck.. that's enough. FIN