(Released March 17, 1994) ** /\ /\ /\ | | || ~|~ || |~~| ** Society * \ || \ |_| || | || |__| * Of * \ || \ | | || | || | * Skene Harmony, ** \/ \/ \/ | | \/ | \/ | ** Unity, Trust & Unbiased Propriety Issue #2 - The Swallow and Digest | | | | | \ | / \|/ .--. .|\o....... +---\ |_| o ..... +----\______ð_....... The Painful Introduction Task. by fifteen Okay okay, it took a little bit longer than we expected and hoped. That's just the facts of working with little or no creative talents and attempting to magically conjure up humourless and annoying pieces of non-work. Also for the critiscizing reader there is much here to consider in the process that is undertaken to put together even such a low quality fanzine as this one. Battling fits of hypochondria and those paranoid anti-authority hallucinations tends to topple even the most dedicated "provocateur"(<-- if this is not a word, I coined it. Gibson watch out!). The other consideration(many will accuse me of lying, because of course it's true) is that between two people it is hard to write things that are consistently inane and test the limits of the word pointless. Much has happened since the detonation of the first issue. Since this brave day there has been constant confirmation of our original purpose, which at times seemed to mock what we thought originally were just our own deluded attitudes about the way things just are. The Calgary Modem Skene has delved deeper into an ocean of despair. Again and again in attack waves, we have been forced to witness new feats of cowardice, avarice, ignorance, and quietism(especially when it hurts). We are guessing blindly when we take a little bit of the credit for socially conditioning the Skene populace into such a condition. As result of subterfuge, [SOSHUTUP!] has caused utter apathy and the concealed and often praised emotionlessness ones now characteristic to the Calgary Modem Skene. This was just the first step in achieving status in our skene. This second issue is a further attack on free-thinking and educated modem users located in Calgary. Like a deadly gas, we are releasing it into the expansive rooms of the local BBS community and intending it to be inhaled by the most aware(and therefore dangerous) users around. We harnish it as one of many means for smashing reactionary positions and thus advancing the movement of our thousand mindless robots. For the months to come, the observers will see drastic changes in the activities of local users as all bastions for freedom and individuality are quite cleanly removed from Calgary. By the time this issue has reached distribution, we will have already secured the important tactical positions which would prepare us for eventual world domination. This introduction is not only an entertaining and educational appetizer to the contents within, but it is a very indeed serious warning directed to both authorities and citizens. The last few months we have built weapons for subversion and infiltration and we are quite dedicated in our purpose of forever destroying the state of the Calgary Modem Skene. As days pass, we replace one seemingly honest citizen with a [SOSHUTUP!] spy and our message of cultural revolution has even reached the districts of the Internet. You are not safe, as we lurk at the very edge of the networked phone system and imbed ourselves inside the data which passes nonchalantly across. The illusion of your own security is a petty joke in the face of our penultimate power. Tomorrow will be the achievement of our destiny. No Genre Immune! ***** ***** ==== Table of Contents ==== From Here On IN! a) An Author's Earthly Longings(w/ special guest Bruce Sterling) b) Nite of the HackerZZ c) Harvestmen and Media Lies d) Creemo and the Canvas e) The Conspiracy File I f) - P@W3 Salute and Articles - 1- The Blow-up Doll Death Machine 2- How to MOP!! (abbreviated title) 3- How to Make the Ultimate Sex Doll 4- How to Seduse Alternatve ChickZZ!! 5- How to Seduse Modeem ChickZZ!! 6- How to Have an Out of Body Experience with a Zippo 7- How to Make a Stealth Bomper (abbreviated title) 8- Various Uses for a Television Remote Control g) The Conspiracy File II h) Telemate V4.12 i) Urban Hero(an action story about a curler's rise to fame) l) A Fish In A River Of Violence(confessions of a homosexual police officer) p) Exile from the Wasteland(the only [SOSHUTUP!] editorial ever!) t) Phiber Optic Man(part 1 of the continuing saga) u) Quotes z) Thankzxxzs!! ***** ***** Here follows an article which cyberspace author Bruce Sterling graciously contributed to [SSU!]. You will find a historical view of cyberspace genre and Mr. Sterlings views on fellow cyberspace author, William Gibson. At first we had reservations about publishing this article because we felt on the spot that an established author would take interesting in our magazine. But then we saw it as an opportunity not to pass up. (Jack the Lad) AN AUTHORS EARTHLY LONGINGS Special guest writer Bruce Sterling Author of: Islands in the Net Schismatrix The Artificial Kid The Hacker Crackdown And co-author with William Gibson: The Difference Engine A new legacy of literature started in the year 1977. It was then that science fiction needed a new direction, a blinding beacon of light to guide us into the post-modern age which we are well into now. In the mid-to-late seventies there was very little innovation in the genre of sci-fi, and with exception of a few authors the proud world of futurist literature was scarred by stagnation. Writers then could agree that the style needed some sort of prophet, like a god-send or an omen from outer space. 1977 was the year that William Gibson had his first story published; "Fragments of a Hologram Rose". A new archetype for science fiction was defined the day that story reached print, a hope given to the unemployed science fiction writers of a confused age. Gibson offered an inventive and titillating sci-fi world in which Corporations competed with people's lives and a few dark future cowboys gave us the endurance to overcome, in our minds, the evils of monetary conquering. Now, unlike the 70's, our world much resembles the example that William Gibson has given us. He was the last apostle of our time, and his electric prose shone out into the night sky like a gleaming diamond! If priests are there to peddle and interpret religion, then science fiction writers have the soul purpose of interpreting the ethereal messages sent to humanity from some unknown sattelite. We are brave templars who tempt the beast, dance on the edge of the abyss, show over-confidence in the face of disparity and occasionally, search for a cold grope in the lonely night. In a universe bound to physical laws, William Gibson is the solitary exception. In the joint book I did with Bill (The Difference Engine) I had the rare opportunity to experience his vast intelligence and insight first hand. During the writing of The Differnce Engine, we spent many long hours together exchanging ideas, and I was absolutely amazed with his spontaneity. We rejoiced in each others talents, infact, to this day I revel on the experience that we shared together. It is true that I think of Bill as a close brother that I never had, but also he is a messiah capable of feats that are beyond that of the normal man. His high tech speculative poetry is above fiction as we can conceive it. Cyberspace is a necessity for our generation, it represents the speed which our minds are expanding. No man since Timothy Leary has opened our cognitive processes to such magnificence. My mind fills with fear in the reality that one day William Gibson, like all of us, will die. His message has the potential to penetrate so deeply into the conscienceness of mortal man. Truly, Gibson, has masterfully attained a status of techno-enlightenment. He is like Siddhartha, in front of a type-writer, reaching a state of knowledge instantly and coining the word "Cyberspace". I cannot fully express with words, and it's known that my trade is words, my true adoration for this alien intelligence. I am glad to be contained in some format, in the expansive realms of Gibson's mind. To have worked with this man, no, this saviour is a task I will proudly carry in my mental resume. Gibson's touch, his sensitivity for the romantic, is inspiring to me at the very least. For all intents and purposes, I -- Bruce Sterling, renowned science fiction novelist -- would seek and breach the ends of the earth to share a single embrace with Gibson's intellect. I will gladly be his modern NeuRomancer, in seeks of creating something even more theologically moving as his cyberpunk. Anything I would do for this man, my devotion and dedication will never buckle. Sometimes I get lost in a dream, my world-view fills with his body and soul and I shriek in loneliness never to reach the climax of his new-style prophecies. THIS IS WHY WILLIAM GIBSON WAS INVENTED! ***** ***** Many years ago, in the distant era known as the 1980's, there was a style of hacker fiction which has never really resurfaced since. In the movie WarGames was portrayed the true hacker identity: the vital cyber-anarchist placed steps ahead of police and computer experts by ingenuity and determination. Many times has the hacker been slotted in-between the forces of Good and Evil in a national or global struggle. This story was written to portray in a romantic sense the caste of the computer hacker in Reagan's America. I hope that it communicates a proper message towards the hackers of the 1990's and helps to set a standard for the direction that they will be asked to take. (fifteen) Nit3 of the Ha(k3rZZZzz! by fifteen The smell of chinese fried beef filled the room as a group of teenage data-thieves cooked some hacking fuel on their rusted wok. A night most memorable was in the making as they searched the Date-a-pac World Network for the special codes that they would need to infiltrate the US government and stop the iron hand of imperialistic class-driven slavery in the United States. The week before saw many excursions into the lonely alleys of corporate headquarters, just narrowly avoiding the street scum and their distant relatives the police in a trash gathering spree which would prepare them for this data heist. The 3 boys had compiled a password list from the mysterious encrypted corporate memos that had eventually ended up in a Secretary's small paper bin and armed with this deadly information they were about to set for themselves a new path in military espionage. Corned-Beef, the angst-filled leader of the trio of information burglars seemed determined to overthrow the economic structure of America. But deep behind his pre-cyber gaze was an edge of fear. The others, ManiKKK M0nday and the Silicon Umbrella, sensed the cornered fear of their leader and attempted to boost the moral of the entire group by surrendering their portions of chinese fried beef to Corned-Beef but there was no avoiding of the realization that this day would be the day their lives all changed drastically. They tapped away at the keyboard in utter dilligence, attempting the first shot at the system's password codes. --- Meanwhile in Washington, the jaded federal agents worked around the clock to uncover the alluring path which somehow caused top secret government information to fall into the hands of one of the countries most successful corporations. Dale Busst, a bright young NSA rookie for the Code Cracking Division was also working away at his computer. In front of him was a coveted list of known hacker aliases and the pertinant information which would make or break this case. Dale Busst was not familiar with the hacker mentality yet and the criminal information was hard for him to really accept. He viewed the hackers as white collar vandals and terrorists, and while the country entered head-first into the information age he shuddered with pangs of fear thinking of the unthinkable damage that they could cause to the United States of America. He saw a certain deliberance and intention behind the aliases and sects of these computer pyro-technicians and with this his mind was set perfectly for the impossible task ahead. --- The wok cooled with a background sizzle and the monotonous keystrokes filled the tense silence of the hacker hide-out. Corned-Beef had discovered a few very interesting leads, the russians had hided a crack computer commando to steal some vital missile information from the Pentagon and had stored it on the system which they were attempting to break into. He had originally keyed into it after using phreaker tones to monitor the calls of various military officials and was sure that the information in question could play a vital part in the de-economization of the US. In another room were ManiKKK M0nday and the Silicon Umbrella, discussing in hushed tones and emotional filled words, the multitude of the situation and how from it they could achieve their wildest fantasies. Among the three there was much affection, and in any situation they could rely upon each other. They had also come together on occasion to satisfy the dire wants and needs of one another and it only helped create a unison often unseen in hacking circles. "I have run the code liquifier program on the government encryption and soon we will be able to read all the text on the corporate system", excitedly proclaimed Corned Beef to the passion-dazed couple. In brotherly harmony, the two hackers on the floor rose to the occasion and entered back into the computer room. Now all three minds were set forth in equal force to crack the code. --- Dale Busst was on the edge of exhaustion and he sleep deprived mind barely churned and interpreted all the information on the hackers in America. Perhaps his semi-deluded state could somehow become an efficient tool in the search for the hackers. He extracted a phone number for a famous Hacker-Pirating BBS somewhere in Alaska and proceeded to make an account. Almost with premonitious vision he wizzed through the difficult hacker questionaire and was allowed instant access to the system. Four hours lately(and after innumerable coffee breaks), Agent Busst finally found the fledgling of hope in a cryptic message. Many references he found in it were actually directly correlatable to the name of the corporation which was suspect and he had found out that it was a russian hacker by the name of Penguin who lifted the military secrets from the Pentagon. He cross-indexed the name in his database. --- On the 1984 model of the CoCo 2, the three hackers continued the tedious process of cryptographically searching for known methods of encryption to somehow manage to un-encrypt the file. From one of the local Pirating-Phreaking BBSES they had uploaded a grind function which they could adapt to their programming of the liquifier function. After hours more of intense work they found themselves wedged very deeply into the corporate system. Wedged so deep even, that metaphorically, it began to bleed the vital information forth. "Maybe we should use the Shaven Pe.. oops, the Smooth Criminal Virii to disrupt to DOS of the Mainframe" whispered ManiKKK M0nday to the other two elite hackers. "The problem with that is all the work we are going to have to do to copy all the information to soft disk and then to print it out and erase it" said Silicon Umbrella. "I just got the new Copy-write program off of the InfraNet and also a new printer utility which will allow us to receive the information at 600 baud" comforted Corned-Beef as the others stared in surprise. --- Dale Busst had prospected some very surprising information from his files. It seemed that the user Penguin had been busted just recently when an American Astrology Professor used spirits summoned by his Ouija board to calculate the speed of the Gonzo upload protocol. The name of the Astrology Professor was Cliff Ratchet and he had just signed a contract to release his account of the events called "The Cuckoo's Nest". Agent Busst methodically obtained the phone number for Mr. Ratchet and then asked him some very important questions. He found out that the missile information had been downloaded to the corporate bbs by Penguin from a university using the Gonzo upload protocol and that Penguin had been accepting tuna-fish sandwiches laced with Crack Cocaine in payment for the run against the corporation. Also a police report indicated that some hackers had been messing around with the corporation and that their phone number could be obtained through a modern phone trace, the problem was that they had not been able to keep them online for the 20 minutes that were neccesary. --- Corned-Beef was having a datarush, a migraine caused by stream of information which his monitor displayed. He could not think, but deep inside an emotion called for him. A moral reservation. He could not bear to destroy the economic status of America anymore, his conscience and sense of national duty reached out for his hacker-capable mind. Once the thought was completely registered, he had little difficulty convincing his two loyal companions that the information which they had side-loaded from the corporation could not be used for evil. In the instance of a few exchanged kisses(if the hackers were kissing, which they were not by the way!), an assault was led against the hacker hide-out and Agent Busst burst into the room with the entire Swat team and proceeded to arrest the youths. As the CoCo 2 was being taken away, along with the stack of Gary Numan albums, the hackers protested that they had no intent of using the information to harm the US and that they only wished to retrieve the information to give it back to the Pentagon. Some coaxing and more kissing led Agent Busst to believe them and the hackers were made into National Heroes. THE END ***** ***** This is an artical which I felt was absolutely necessary to write. I am a firm believer in the Harvestmen Threat, and with all the recent dis-information about it because of the media, I felt it as my duty to inform you, the public, of the truth of the situation. (Jack the Lad) Harvestmen and Media Lies. By Jack the Lad/ssu#5 Today I had a discussion at work with a fellow co-worker. She told me that she saw a segment on a TV show which disregarded the pending Harvestmen revolution. For readers who have read the last issue of [SOSHUTUP!] you already know about the Harvestmen threat, and you also know that it is no hoax. Let me just say that the Harvestmen threat is VERY real. The only people who would disregard it as a hoax are the left-wing politictians and supporters of NAZI governments around the world because they are afraid of the truth, when the revolution comes, the Harvestmen will have them up against the wall first. It really sickens me to the core of my stomach that these people, the respected media, are collaborating with the left-wing communists and those dirty NAZI's are spreading lies the discount something that is so threatening to the very existance of the human race? Although it sounds surprising, it is not totally unbelievable. Certain people within the media are either NAZI's or communists. It is well known that members of certain CBS newscasts are members of the Communist Party and they would rather spread their communist influenced point of view rather than that of the truth. When first becoming a news person, it is well known that you must have a NAZI heritage and a NAZI attitude to become a news broadcaster. Just a few hours ago, I saw on my television a show that contained many of the secrets on how to defeat the Harvestmen. It was encoded deep inside the dialogue and narration but I swear that there was a direct message from the legions of private individuals who have acknowledged the threat of the very ill-behaved Harvestmen. In this I found the last hope inside the media for an uprising against the 8-legged plotters we know as the Harvestmen. The television show was about the conquests of the heroes of the bible, and it was hosted by Charlton Heston(who reportedly uses his Hollywood affluence to help arm anti-Harvestmen freedom fighters). It came to me instantly that our movement would need a leader, and the first person I considered of course was myself but then after seeing this monumentuous display of anti-HM fervor I was motioned seemingly by God to consider Charlton Heston as the leader of our stalwart movement. Now I wouldn't want to suggest any sort of left-wing or NAZI terrorist organizing, we are all simply democratic thinking capitalists with traditional values who want to see our society rise for the better and the enemies of the state beaten down. Unfortunately, the chances of us being beaten down are greater than the average layman thinks. Through out the world, the Harvestmen grow, in strenght and in numbers. Their jaws of death are soon to devour us if you and I do not take direct action. Unless Charlton Heston steps forward as the God ordained champion for our heavenly cause to smash the insipid creatures that plot to destroy the world. As in the Planet of the Apes series, Charlton Heston rose above his primate captors to shine as a last hope for the human race, if this was not a demonstration of his character and grit, then we are truely lost. Even in his old age, he is a couragious warrior and a dedicated christian willing to fight once again to save humanity. It is obvious that the Harvestmen are to be compared to the Prince of Darkness himself, the scale of the threat and their numbers speaks very well of the holy battles of the middle ages. This is a battle cry to Charlton Heston, to save us from the evil grip the Harvestmen have on us. Anybody who could possibly pass this message on to the savior himself, will be deemed a hero in the forthcoming war. ***** ***** Very near to the scheduled release of ssu2 we received some very unfortunate news about the state of what was an ever-growing pro-[SOSHUTUP!] freedom force. The scene of the incident was painted by a lethal and final standout between authorities and [SOSTUPIDA!] renegades. Gun blasts and screams of despair called out on the night of March 6th as police moved in on an abandoned community centre which had become the site and base for all [SOSTUPIDA!] activities. They had recently been entrenched in a campaign to spread the first issue of [SOSHUTUP!] onto many local bbses and authorities had obtained the assistance of many local SysOp's to pinpoint the location of this aggressive action and eventually moved in with help of the SWAT team to apprehend the heroic bandits of the Society of Stupid Antics!. The death toll of that final night was counting up over 100, and casualties from both sides were about even. The police were unsparing in their slaughter of [SOSTUPIDA!] members and launched nerve gas rockets into the windows of the community centre, not seeming to care about the innocents who lived near to the building or about the lives of the people that they were "intending" to arrest. After the last shot was fired and the mess finally cleaned up, we sent an agent in to investigate the ruins of the [SOSTUPIDA!] headquarters. In a typewriter there was one last sheet of paper: Creemo and the Canvas JOAN'S FISCAL BUDGETING CHAPTER ONE =========== The steroid pumped wrestler sat under a tree. It was a pretty tree. The tree was magical. It was a magical tree. The tree spurted out the magical nectar of ring-side-bells. The wrestler was on a mission. A mission of revenge. His mission was to beat the world champion. CHAPTER TWO =========== "Ohhh." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Oh what a brutal Roman Spear he just performed." said the Overweight Announcer. "Oooh." said the Rowdy Audience. "For those who dont know, there is an interesting set of circumstances which led up to this prolific contest of the human spirit." said the Overweight Announcer. CHAPTER THREE ============= The growth hormone pumped wrestler sat under a tree. It was a pretty tree. The tree was magical. It was a magical tree. The tree spurted out the magical nectar of glittery-wrestling-robes. The wrestler was on a mission. A mission of revenge. His mission was beat the world champion. CHAPTER FOUR ============ "Ohhh." said the Greek Specter. "Oh what a brutal Fleshy Impaler he just performed." said the Obnoxious Announcer. "Oooh." said the Crazy Audience. "For those who dont know, there is an interesting set of circumstances which led up to this prolific contest of the human spirit." said the Obnoxious Announcer. CHAPTER FIVE ============ "Hey baby, how would you like to have a one night stand with Rampaging Ray Victory?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Oh that sounds delectable." said Samantha Strong. "Oh your words sound so deep." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "I've got something else that is deep." said Samantha Strong. "What? What do you mean?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Err forget it." said Samantha Strong. CHAPTER SIX =========== "Hey baby, how would you like to have a one night stand with the Greek Specter?" said the Greek Specter. "Oh that sounds delectable." said Samantha Strong. "Oh your words sound so deep." said the Greek Specter "I've got something else that is deep." said Samantha Strong. "What? What do you mean?" said the Greek Specter "Err forget it." said Samantha Strong. CHAPER SEVEN ============ "Oh that was wonderful Rampaging Ray Victory." said Samantha Strong. "Oh man. That was the best thirty seconds of my life." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Steroids will do that to you." said Samantha Strong. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you Samantha Strong." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "I was just saying that for me the earth has just moved out of orbit." said Samantha Strong. "Oh I love you Samantha Strong." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Your the very best Rampaging Ray Victory." said Samantha Strong. "Steroids will do that to you." said Rampaging Ray Victory. CHAPTER EIGHT ============= "Oh that was wonderful the Greek Specter." said Samantha Strong. "Oh man. That was the best thirty seconds of my life." said the Greek Specter. "Growth hormones will do that to you." said Samantha Strong. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you Samantha Strong." said the Greek Specter. "I was just saying that for me the earth has just moved out of orbit." said Samantha Strong. "Oh I love you Samantha Strong." said the Greek Specter. "Your the very best the Greek Specter." said Samantha Strong. "Growth hormones will do that to you." said the Greek Specter. CHAPTER NINE ============ "Did you know that I was a pro-wrestler?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Ummm no I didn't Rampaging Ray Victory." said Samantha Strong. "You betcha." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Oh can you win me a teddy-bear at the amusement park?" said Samantha Strong. "That was easy, here's your teddy-bear." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "It's just too bad that you had to pummel the stand owner into guava jelly." said Samantha Strong. "I said I was a pro-wrestler didn't I?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle." said Samantha Strong. CHAPTER TEN =========== "Did you know that I was a pro-wrestler? said the Greek Specter. "Ummm no I didn't the Greek Specter." said Samantha Strong. "You betcha." said the Greek Specter "Oh can you win me a teddy-bear at the amusement park?" said Samantha Strong. "That was easy, here's your teddy-bear." said the Greek Specter. "It's just too bad that you had to pummel the stand owner into guava jelly." said Samantha Strong. "I said I was a pro-wrestler didn't I?" said the Greek Specter "Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle." said Samantha Strong. CHAPER ELEVEN ============= "I am expecting a friend to come by soon Rampaging Ray Victory." said Samantha Strong. "Oh please let me stay just a little longer." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "If only you'd stay when we were in bed." said Samantha Strong. "What? What do you mean?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Err forget it." said Samantha Strong. "Oh okay." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Oh my friend is here you had better go." said Samantha Strong. "You!" said the Greek Specter. "You!" said Rampaging Ray Victory. CHAPTER TWELVE ============== "I am expecting a friend to come by soon the Greek Specter." said Samantha Strong. "Oh please let me stay just a little longer." said the Greek Specter. "If only you'd stay when we were in bed." said Samantha Strong. "What? What do you mean?" said the Greek Specter. "Err forget it." said Samantha Strong. "Oh okay." said the Greek Specter. "Oh my friend is here you had better go." said Samantha Strong. "You!" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "You!" said the Greek Specter. CHAPTER THIRTEEN ================ "Now listen up the Greek Specter I am going to kill you to pieces." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "And what do you think will happen after the upcoming match?" said the Arrogant Interviewer. "I'm going to tear you apart the Greek Specter." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "And do you think that you will get the title match?" said the Arrogant Interviewer. "Wham. I'm going to kick you teeth in the Greek Specter." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Thanks for the interview Rampaging Ray Victory." said the Arrogant Interviewer. CHAPTER FOURTEEN ================ "Now listen up Rampaging Ray Victory I am going to kill you to pieces." said the Greek Specter. "And what do you think will happen after the upcoming match?" said the Condescending Interviewer. "I'm going to tear you apart Rampaging Ray Victory." said the Greek Specter. "And do you think that you will get the title match?" said the Condescending Interviewer. "Wham. I'm going to kick you teeth in Rampaging Ray Victory." said the Greek Specter. "Thanks for the interview the Greek Specter." said the Condescending Interviewer. CHAPTER FIFTEEN =============== "Ohhh." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Ahhh." said the Greek Specter "Errg." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Baah." said the Greek Specter. "Oh baby." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "One, two, three." said Geeky Referee. "I won." said Rampaging Ray Victory. CHAPTER SIXTEEN =============== "Ohhh." said the Greek Specter. "Ahhh." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Errg." said the Greek Specter. "Baah." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Oh baby." said the Greek Specter. "One, two, three." said the Sexy Referee. "I won." said the Greek Specter. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ================= "It looks like I won the match AND the girl." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Yes, you did, but there is a catch." said Samantha Strong. "What would that be baby?" said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Well it turns out you both won the match AND the girl." said Samantha Strong. "Hahahahaha." said Rampaging Ray Victory. "Hahahahaha." said Samantha Strong. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ================ "It looks like I won the match AND the girl." said the Greek Specter. "Yes, you did, but there is a catch." said Samantha Strong. "What would that be baby?" said the Greek Specter. "Well it turns out you both won the match AND the girl." said Samantha Strong. "Hahahahaha." said the Greek Specter. "Hahahahaha." said Samantha Strong. THE END ***** ***** The Conspiracy File by fifteen In pre-conflict times(circa before issue #1), it was observed and therefore prophecized that in the calgary skene there remained a certain deficiency. A group of people deemed superior by themselves and peers alike had opposed the general goings on in this community. Not uncommon is the ambition of creating something vastly expansive compared to typefied run-of-the-mill calgary unprogress. This urge, quite lascivious(is that the word?) in nature, was not only set in our minds but in the minds of our enemies. The basic obsession for change suffered to exist for all parties self-aware enough to contrive it. For us of course, it motivated and inspired but some designed very sickly longings and thus did not immediately exercise their freedom of expression but instead through use of cunning attempts to create a master race!!! How I personally became aware of this hitleresque plot was through the power of mass-distribution. Others, I am quite sad to say, were enlightened through the direct enslavement of their peers and brothers. Shortly after the release of our pestilent first issue I received an interesting piece of mail. A cry for help most definitely, but furthermore A piece of news that moved me almost into dire catatonia. I will excerpt out of it to provide insight yet not gloat of the far-reaching ideal of [SOSHUTUP!] "On some of the boards I heard some talk about certain impressionable users being taken, by verbal manipulation, from their safe homes to attend lazer quest and pool meets. I didn't think much of it at the time because people are always prodding you to attend those stupid things. But not so long ago, my brother actually ventured to attend one of these things. I bugged him, had a little fun at his expense you understand, but when the Time came he still attended. I was a little thrown when he did not return that night but then I began thinking 'maybe he got lucky, 17 is about the proper age'. surprised to find him not returning The next day, I began to seriously worry. I've seen all those weird abduction cases on tv, biker gangs into white slavery and shit. By monday not even a phone call to remind me of where he is, or to comfort us. Our parents were out of town on a cruise for that entire week so I ended up being responsible for us both and the house. Anyways, I filed a report of missing persons with the police and hoped that they could turn up things. I asked started asking some questions on the boards I called to find out more about these meets, with little luck of course. The week went through without any findings from the police and I eventually found myself comptemplating whether or not to go to one of these little meets and find out what was really going on. I ended up on friday night driving down to black wolfe billiards and using some sleuth skills to deduce the events of calgary modem users. The night swept by almost uneventfully until late and after I believe a few too many drinks, a user slipped on a spill and toppled to the ground. Humorously, I observed that he was wearing a hair piece and it popped right off when he hit the ground. When he arose, he hadn't straightened the toupe properly and the top of his forehead could be exposed. I thought I saw something resembling a rough straight scar but I wasn't sure. This was the moment in which I felt I should introduce myself as a fellow modemer..." He continues to ramble about the strange scar and eventually ends up being chased out of the pool hall by a gangly trio of modemers after querying as to the cause of the scar. For two weeks more, he turns up nothing on his brother. He receives an invite to a modem party, and sees another opportunity to infiltrate the popular modem gatherings. He does attend and later in the night he discovers something very disturbing. "I used the old gimmick of asking where the washroom was to allow myself to sneak around the house and inspect a little bit. It was upstairs and I had to go through the kitchen to get to the stairs. A fork in the road, as they say: in the kitchen there were stairs up and stairs down. I theorized that if they had the bathroom upstairs, then the upstAirs must not really have anything to hide. The basement was probably my best bet, if I was looking to uncover anything truly startling or secret. Half-way down the stairs was a reinforced door with a padlock, lucky for me the padlock was open although still in it's latch so that only somebody on my side of the door could pass. I slipped the padlock off and quietly opened the door. Downstairs was heated to a humid summer temperature and it seemed to be lit by some small light source, or sources as the shadows implied. I reached the bottom to find something very frighteningly peculiar. A teenage boy with his head shaved completely raw was typing almost robotically away at a computer terminal. On the other side of the room another kid at another terminal with his hair a little more grown in typing in the same constant directed manner. I tiptoed up behind the first teenager completely unnoticed and observed the screen. He appeared to be on one of the multi-line chat bbses, it appeared that he wasn't really saying that much and his typing was mainly to access the userlisting features of the system. I then waved my hand in front of his face, no blink, not even a shadow of a glimmer of recognition in his eyes or on his face. The front of his head was also adorned with the same width-wise straight scar. I panicked and began to neurotically explore the room for a back exit. a secret panel opened when I had inadvertantly caught my shirt on a nail in the wall and pulled to loosen it. The other room provided a unique sight indeed. Along the back wall were lined up two feet apArt 10 hospital beds with life support units and patients. Approaching closer, I observed that many of the patients were impressionable looking teenagers of ages 14-18, both boy and girl. Among them were a few adults who appeared to be in their thirties and a few infants. They were all being fed intraveneously and their life signs were being monitored by machine. On the left wall there was what Appeared to be a dentists chair with a portruding adjustablle head-vice and clamps to seal in the arms and legs. A dish sat near with some scalpels and other barbaric instruments in it. The right siDe was even scarier. It was wall-to-wall with big windowed freezers -- cryogenic chambers perhaps? in what could only be described as frozen blue tonic were various cuts of beef, livers, kidneys and All manner of cow and pig organs." The description of that night's events ends there. He then writes that he feels he has uncovered a scheme truly ominous and that perhaps the people at [SOSHUTUP!] could put an effort forth to expose the belly of this strange conspiracy. Truthfully, we searched and could not find answers. The police have also put in an effort, not knowing the scale of it of course, and their methodology did not bring us all any closer to finding this man's younger brother. From the information that we do have, we have put together a rough composite of the events occuring. A: Teenagers are being lured into kidnapping attempts at the various local user meets. (not just teenagers, but also adults that are fairly weak of mind) B: They are then being kept alive until they are needed for whatever part they are to have in this scheme. We believe that they are then being given frontal lobotomies and programmed to imitate real thinking people on calgary chat bbses. C: We believe that there is some modem cult involved and think it may have to do with vampiric witches making attacks on livestock from ranches just out of calgary. There seems definitely to be some sort of occult overtone. If anybody, whatsoever, can give us any information about the occurences of private modem parties and public user meets we would be thankful. Also if anybody could offer any insight or inside information about what this is all about then it would bring us so much closer to cracking the case wide open. There are no rewards, but we can over you sanctity under our wings while we set the bombs which will eventually tear this skene into unrecognizable pieces. Note: We had decided to take this effort to the public and search for for the assistance of other skene-goers. This could not be kept a secret for any longer and we regret that it was kept as such for a few weeks. It seems of late that many people have put themselves into social groups and tried to instill something that they feel is pure. This effort is commendable and while we do feel that brainwashing is not a crime of any sorts, abductions and illegal lobotomies are stretching the very limits of morality. We ask you to stop your actions and return the victims of yours to the families who already own them. Creating a race of lobotomized teenagers to populate the modem skene, while a good idea, is not the proper way of causing utter annihilation. Nor should it be encouraged as a means to secure political power. We oppose On all fronts for breaking the rules of selective mental re-programming. Please find a more benevolent way of creating an army of robots to die for your cause. ***** ***** =============================================================================== With all pressure in today's rotten society, we must prepare for the final revolution. In this issue of [SSU#2] the writers and some contributors have provided you with anarchy text files that we have dug up for your benefit. The following years will be a difficult few, but with these helpful files, it will make them just a bit easier. Some people well known to the [SOSHUTUP!] crew have stood up as modern data pirates(no WAREZ connotation sorry!) and put forth an effort of great intensity. These immoral(in the good way) soldiers have hidden themselves behind the moniker of P@W3(Phuck Are We Elite). We have agreed to help voice their and take them on as brothers in arms to help us rise against the oppressions of a sickly thing called free thought. Hopefully they will help us achieve new heights of apathy. These files provide the readers with devious tactics to advance the cause of safe and legal urban warfare. We hope that no injuries occur because of their use and that the worst thing that happens is that people end up losing their individuality. It is timely and appropriate that they have risen to replace the sad memory of our sister organization [SOSTUPIDA!]. (Jack the Lad & fifteen) =============================================================================== P@W3 Info-Phile (Phuck @re We 3lite.) The Blow Up Doll Death Machine by | | | | | __| | | |__ /__ \\ // __\ im not a very gud drawer so thats just an idea of what it look like when its done ok but you get what i mean! if you do it rite then you will have a gud sex doll! i know it suonds really sick but i kmnow you will want to try it so do there is nothing to be ashemed of! ok then when you are done make sure you first put some water in the hole or something or you can lick it or something to make it whet otehr wise you will get rub burns and they hurt for a while. if you get a good lateks mask you can also kiss it whle you put your dick in the hole and it makes it feel even more real trust me in the dark you dont no the differents! ok some of you mite be kinda backwards so if you are you can just forget about the silicun brest implants and insted get mens shirts and stuff but maybe still panty hos then you can put a hole in the bum insted and put the rubber thing there insted and maybe if the smell turns you on yu can put some cat poo from the litter box in it. then also get a guys lateks mask insted. also you mite wanna cut a hole in the front of the lateks mask and put another rubber toy thing in it so you can get a blow job too. if you want the truly good experans then put some vaselin and sardeen juice in the hole if its a girl one you made. also girls can make this thing but put a dildo on the front of it if they want a man doll. make shure you wipe the cum out of the hole whenyou are done other wise it can get rotton and smell bad then you have to replace the stuffing i had to do it a few times. Try It It Works, OHMOSEKZYUL LUVIR ***** ***** PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 HOW TO SEDUSE ALTERNATVE CHICKZZ!!! | ------------------------------------' 1st thing u hgave tro do is get yourself a pop/punk T-SHIRT! 2nd thingf u have do to is go to a GIG (a pop/punk GIUG) and find the alter NATIVE babe of your dreams. 3rd thing\ you do is check out what T-SHIRT the babe is wearingk, and then you have to make sure that the gug you are at is for that BAND! If it's not then you're screwed, oir getting screwd, or could be screwed. 4th thingk you do is drag her into the back alley and ra... err, now\! Thats a different technuqe! 4th thingk yuou do is, go up to the band and pretend you now them! then you start to stare at the chick, and then you tell gher that you can get her the next taoee for free if she gives you a blkow hob! if you haven sedused here by thius time, you'rte hopeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ***** ***** PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 HOW TO SEDUSE MODEEM CHICKZZ!!! | ------------------------------------' 1st thing u hgave tro do is get yourself sum vAmpyre teeth!!! 2nd thingf u have do to is go to a MEET and find the modeem NATIVE babe of your dreams. 3rd thing\ you do is ask her what CompUter the babe is wearingk, and then you have to make sure that the MeeT you are at is for that CompuTer! If it's not then you're screwed, oir getting screwd, or could be screwed. 4th thingk you do is drag her into the back alley and ra... err, now\! Thats a different technuqe! 4th thingk yuou do is, go up to chick and tell her you r a membbber of P@W3 start to stare at the chick, and then you tell gher that you can get her the next P@W3 file for free if she gives you a blkow hob! if you haven sedused here by thius time, you'rte hopeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ***** ***** P@W3 Info-Phile (Phuck @re We 3lite) HOW TO HAVE AN OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE WITH A ZIPPO Written by OHMOSEKZYUL LUVIR ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- You need a zippo, a pencil, and your favorite hallucinogen Take the first hallucinogen... write the entire alphabet on your face without making a mistake, using your pencil underneath that write "Oubla Ogawa I Wanna Leave my Body" ignite the zippo, by striking at the flint with the little wheel (oh, make sure there is fluid in it, otherwise it won't work) stare at the flame Now utter "I call the Ghoul I want to be at one with zuul!" wait... wait some more... wait a bit longer... wait even longer, even if you can't stand it... Your head should look kinda like this: /\ |--------------------------| \ / \ | ABCDEFGHIJKLM | || / \ | NOPQRSTUVWXYZ | \ \ \ | ( o) OUBLA OGAWA I ( o) | ---\ / | WANNA LEAVE | | o |\ / | MY BODY | |o o| \/ | O O | |--------| | | | | | |-------------------| | | | | | | | |--------------------------- | | |--------| Now summon up your deepest darkest thoughts and concentrate on them so you can feel your head expanding Chant something like "Xythxnasha Sakkaxthx am I there" you'll be surprised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after a while you might be able to do it without hallucinogens... but it's very scary at first Try It It Works, OHMOSEKZYUL LUVIR ***** ***** HoW 2 Maak Your OWN StealT BompEr with ThoSe ScRapS frOM The SiDeS OF PrinTEr PApepr By PeNiS eNVY RaDiKKKaL ANNE-R-KSSED! Implamentatshuns and tequniques by Two HoLE HarryEttE (THE only FEMAiL HACKER EbER!) **************************************************************************** * * * * * * * * * * * * **************************************************************************** * * * * * * * * * P **************************************************************************** * * * ************************************ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ************ * ************************************** * **************************************************************************** @ * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ************ ************ W **************************************************************************** * * * * * * ******************************* * * * * * * * **************************************************************************** 3 A P@W# PRESENTATASAUTION! Grretingks GO out TO: YOU (HAHAHAH!!!) DRINKFIX!!! KNIGHT LIGHTNINGK!!! DECIDE!!! THE CARETORS OF MORTAK LOMBAT!!! MY GRADEA # ENGALISH TEAACHER!!! (YOU ABITSH! HAHAHA!) THIAS FILEA WOULDZ NOT BEZZZ POISI|IBLE WIATHOUT HE HELAP OF: THE KKK (HAHAHAH!!H!H@H!H!) JAMEAS DEAN!! FAT MIC! IANA MACKEYE! THANKSA GUY! *************************************************************************** STEPA ONE! ************************************************************************** Firsdt you hagvea to go and get aosme scrap paper, aksd you r mom for some yor you can us the scraps from printinagk oyut all those xxXXXxxx rated txt phislaexz we all know ayou read!!!! You wilak need at elast 500 tonZZzz! Of ocurase you caould always jyst use paperi insted of craps! BBut then you owuld bea a lkamer cauz you would have to by some more papier to print our to the x rated txt xapohilex! ************************************************************************** STEPA ONE! ************************************************************************** Secondsas thing you have do to ios to get aosme poaper maschey! Cozas you neaad to havea bbit of cohesion or else tha whole thing will just fall apart at 30,000 feeat anddda then you'll feal you really stopid sand should have listened to us and as ayou r fallink gdown ato year death adnd you see god yhell tell you that s you have should some papery mashc EH! ************************************************************************** STEP TTREE! ************************************************************************** 3rd Thing you have dO to is get someeething you can us for a wireeframe,m like say some coathnagjerzzZZzz ouyt of your clsoet or by 10 km of wire from the locat wire shop! i thinkg you may even e abble to get a prebuild wire framez for the stealt bomper!, but i am unsuro! Oncea you have athe wire you have tro sttart moplding it and shapingk it in yoru bakc yard (or youe frint of you life on a farm!!!!) it sahould look somethinkg like this!: ______________ .--------------. / / <-----------------. | | / / WINGK!----------+---------. | | (=====/ / | | | | /\ \ \ | | | | | \ \ | | | | | \_____________\ WINGK!----------+------. | | | | /\ | | | | | | | `------+--' | | | | | | | | `----------------------------------' | | `------------------------------------------------------+--------------' | | | *********************************************************|**************** | part fiuve! | | *********************************************************|**************** | 4th thinkg you have to edo, is hack into the goivernment |omputers and gsat the plans oneh howthea steath bompers electrical systemw |orks and set itup! thena you can start to put the papier mnasge on! onceas /ou geta the papier mashe eh on ythen you have to wait 3 yearsz (or 156 wee/kksssssss, whcich ever is easiest for you!) to for it have dry! afster it has/driedx, you can ado whatever you ewant with it with whoevrra you want in /he backseatha and i'm not goingak to say a think g about it to anytone! bb/ carefeul thouygkm, i'vea heard that the agovernment ias not tgoo kean /n oriadinary citishens owning their own stelath bompers! | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | COCKPITSH!---------------------------------------' ***** ***** |