. .:::::. .::::::::. ...:::::::::.. :::::::::::: ..:::::::::::::::::.. ::::: :::: .::: ::::::: :::. :::::. : :: ::::: :: :::::::. : ::: : :::::::::. ::: :::::::: ::: ::::: ::::: : :::: ::::: oxic :::......:::: hock .:::::::. ::::::::::: ::::::::::: ::::::::: presents The Philosophy of the Community Cricket Written by Fetal Juice Please, if you will, imagine that throughout the entire known, unknown and even parallel universes, that all persons which we refer to as being toward, on, or behind that unbelievably large group, that we have, for the sake of conveniency, labeled, 'stupid' owe their ability to retain their intelligence to that of a single, charitable, small, and quite plainly dumb cricket. It is this very single, charitable, small, and quite plainly dumb cricket which has come to be known as 'The Community Cricket'. Yet surprisingly enough the Community Cricket (C.C.) is unaware that all of these rather stupid persons are linked to it via three and one-quarter unaccountable, unaccustomed, unadvised, un-American, unapt, unartistic, unbaked, unbalanced, unblushing, unburdened, uncalled-for, unchristian, unclad, unclean, uncomfortable, uncommunicative (ironic no?), unconcerned, unconscious, underfeed, understressed, underworked, unfaithful, unfavorable, unfeeling, unfit, unfortunate, unfounded, unfriendly, ungodly, ungraceful, unhappy (no? duh!), unhealthy, unholy, unjust, unmentionable, unnecessary (then why am I doing this??), unoccupied, unorganized, unoriginal, unpalatable, unplesant, unpopular, unprofessional, unqualified, unreasonable, unresponsive, unsavory, unskilled, unsociable, unsophisticated, unstable, unsubstantial, untaught, unthinking, untidy, unvaccinated, unwitting, unworthy, revolting, overbearing, overdeveloped, overpaid oversexed and a tad bit revolting, Peptic Ulcers. These Peptic Ulcers relay the various stupid person requests such as: Should I beat my heart? breathe now? Do I need to go the bathroom? If so then how do I use the bathroom? What is the next stupid thing I can say? What is the next stupid thing I can gesture? What is the next stupid thing you can think of for me to claim as my own personal and original thought even though I am unaware of your existence and tend to ignore that fact? Should I eat or drink Jello? Should I drink Coke or Pepsi? (If they choose Pepsi give up any and all hope you have of saving them). And the list goes on and on.. These requests are relayed directly to the 'anal' areas of the Community Cricket by way of semaphore. The exact reason semaphore is used seeing that most peptic ulcers have no arms is unclear but since it is the Community Cricket it makes perfect sense when you put it all together on a 4 by 8 inch piece of yellow posterboard with green ink and then prompty set it ablaze with either a blow torch or a modified bic lighter on an August full moon that specificly occurs on any Monday although a Wednesday will suffice nicely. (c) 1989 Toxic Shock The Followers of Fetus Bloody Afterbirth Fetal Juice Gross Genitalia Tasty Abortion Twisted Testicles