PLAYGIRL, Inc.
Philadelphia, Pa. 19369
Dear Sir:
Your  name  has  been   submitted  to  us   with  your  photo. I  regret  to
inform you  that we will  be unable  to use  your body in our centerfold. On
a scale of one to ten, your body  was rated  a minus two by a panel of women
ranging  in age  from 60 to 75 years. We tried  to assemble  a panel  in the
age  bracket of 25 to 35 years, but  we could not  get them to stop laughing
long enough  to reach  a decision. Should  the  taste of  the American woman
ever change  so drastically  that bodies  such as yours would be appropriate
in our magazine, you will be notified by this office. Please, don't call us.
Sympathetically,
Amanda L. Smith
P.S. We also  want to commend you  for your  unusual pose. Were  you wounded
in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?