Subject: THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 (THE END !!!!!!!111)
From: [email-masked] (James 'Kibo' Parry)
Date: 18 Feb 92 03:52:56 GMT
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.startrek.creative,alt.religion.kibology

[]
	The latest of the wacky misadventures of BIFF's off-gray matter.
(One of the BIFFs just posted to rec.food.cooking... woo.)

							-- Kibo

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********  THEY SAVED BIFF"S BRANE PART 6 !!!!!1  *********
********           BIFF MEATS SPOT !!!!          *********
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********        THE FINEL EPIS0D !!!!!!11        *********
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********      BUY KIBIFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111      *********
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        ASTERISKS C0URTESY 0F THE ASTA RISC 2000
     REDUCED INSTRUCTI0N SET PUNCTUATI0N GENERAT0R!

      FILM F00TAGE FR0M "STAR TREK 5" C0URTESY 0F
               PARAM0UNDS/ALM0ND J0Y INC!

BIFF APPEARED C0URTESY 0F THE PSU MENTAL H0SPITAL!

        SP0T APPEARED BECAUSE HE WASN'T ALL0WED T0 REFUSE!!!

Biff was between lobotomies this week.  He was wandering around his
dorm room aimlessly.  MY BRANE FEELZ K00L, he thought, because they had
not yet put the top of his skull back.

        *        *         *        *        *

    Meanwhile, in deep deep dark space, at the creamy center of the
Milky Way, the USS Enterprise flashed its turn signals.

        *        *         *        *        *

    BIFF tripped over his pet gerbil Dinky, and his brain fell out.  It
fell against the window while the window was open.  The window was also
ten stories above the street.  The brain plummeted.  It struck the
ground like a water balloon without the balloon.  BIFF didn't notice
and tried to iron out the kinks in his iron's electrical cord.

        *        *         *        *        *

    The USS Enterprise encountered a barrier of asterisks across the
center of the galaxy.  The ship was doomed!

        *        *         *        *        *

    "0W 0W !!!!111  0W !!!!111  I G0T A BLISTER!" shouted BIFF.  He
tried to pop it only to discover it was his eyeball.  He leaned out the
window to scream in pain, and noticed his brain lying on the sidewalk
directly below, as well as below to the left and across the street.
    In the mild breeze, BIFF's brain quivered indecisively like Jell-O,
and then relaxed like a lump of Spam.  Spot ambled over, his dog tags
jingling in the wind.
    "What's this?" yapped Spot.  "Looks like Spam!  I love Spam!"
    (munch, munch)

        *        *         *        *        *

    "Warp five zillion," ordered Kirk.  Sulu pressed the magic button
and the Enterprise whooshed away from the center of the galaxy.  Kirk
sobbed.  Because the ship had been unable to reach the center of the
galaxy, he had been unable to complete his mission of buying cigarettes
at every 7-11 in the Universe within five years.  The 7-11 at the
galactic core was rumored to have fresh Dakotas.  Kirk would never
know.
    "Dammit, Jim," McCoy growled, "don't you know smoking's bad for
you?  Here, try this air-hypo of Saurian heroin."

        *        *         *        *        *

    "Wow, that Spam tasted weird," yapped Spot.  "In fact, it's HAVING
A STRANGE EFECT 0N ME !!!!!!!HELP !!!!!!111"  Spot's fur fell off with
a *SPLAT*.  He noticed that the spot on his side had mutated into a
large asterisk!

        *        *         *        *        *

    Kirk adjusted his shirt.  "Mr. Scott, execute Starfleet General
Order Two Zero Zero Six."
    "`Self-destruct for no particular reason', Sir?"
    "That's the one, Scotty."
    "But, Sair... I kinna do it... I hae not the insurance..."
    "You have your orders, Mr. Scott.  Follow them or I'll keelhaul you
all the way through the Crab Nebula.  Kirk out."
    In Engineering, Scotty prepared to push the button labeled NEVER
PRESS THIS BUTTON SINCE IT MAKES THE WHOLE SHIP BLOW UP, but discovered
that he couldn't reach it with his paw.  Some sinister force had
changed Scotty into a scotty!  He barked and ran in circles,
frustrated.

        *        *         *        *        *

    Meanwhile, Spot, now possessed by the spirit of BIFF, was building
a spaceship from his Tinkertoys and his C64.  He wanted to go explore
deep space, or as he put it, 2 XPL0R DEEP SPASE.  You can see where
this is leading, can't you?  Obviously, Spot/BIFF will meet
Scotty/scotty and they'll either fall in love... or else they'll beat
each other to death with pool cues!

        *        *         *        *        *

    Scotty was chasing shuttlecraft, barking at them.

        *        *         *        *        *

    Spot's spaceship, THE J00PITER 1, lifted off with a massive cloud
of smoke that smelled like bacon.  In reached orbit within minutes and
collided with the USS Enterprise.  Spot stepped out onto the wreckage
of the Enterprise's bridge.
    "W0W !!! THIS IS JSUT LIEK STAR TRECK !!!!!!111" he yapped.
    "My HERO!" barked Scotty, giving Spot a big wet kiss.  Then they
beat each other to death with pool cues.  The Enterprise, out of
control, sailed into the Sun and dissolved.

                      T H E   E N D

      DEDICATTED T0 THE MEMERY 0F BIFFS BRANE !!!!!!!1

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James "Kibo" Parry    271 Dartmouth St #3D, Boston MA 02116 (617)262-3922
[email-masked]    Independent graphic designer and typeface designer.